Was a busy day for me. I had no time to watch hockey. No time to be witty and vulgar at the same time. My apologies. Go Canucks. Have a splendid long weekend, ALL!
xosmlxo
Thursday, 19 May 2011
Wednesday, 18 May 2011
When you kick as much ass as I do...
You don't need originality to be cool. You don't, trust me on this one. I could keep that Bieksallent sweater up for years and still be worshipped throughout Canucks/Leyzer Nation. The only people receiving more praise for their recent efforts are Barack Obama, Kevin Bieksallent himself, and the lady that flashed her boobs at Ben Eager in the penalty box today.
Let's start off with what, surely, everyone will be talking about after tonight's dirty beating: the boobs. It happened, seriously. Youtube that shit. Girl just walks up to the penalty box when Eager's sitting in there, and whips them out! Thanks, anonymous girl. Thanks alot. Now there's gonna be girls flashing their breasts all over the city. You've started a revolution, and if there's one thing I know for certain, it's that nobody likes a revolutionary. You don't see people rocking Ché Guevara shirts, now do you? Shame on you. I'm sure there will be tonnes of Vancouverites that feel the same way as I do about your actions.
Kidding. I say go for it. The more boobs, the better during this Cup run. fuck it, everyone just get buck-ass naked and go bananas! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
So, I decided (along with a friend) that we should start a Kevin Bieksa Fan Club. Feel free to ask me for more details. The only thing I know for sure is that you must love Kevin Bieksa more than you love your Grandmother, and you must refer to all members, including Kevin Himself, and "Your Bieksallency". That's all I have for now.
Good on him for fighting Marleau tonight. Marleau sticked him in the groin. That's enough to send any man into a frenzy, but not Bieksallent. Nope. He was a perfect gentleman, and waited for Marleau (not a fighter by any means) to drop his gloves first, throw the first punch, and then proceeded to whoop his Saskatchewan ass. I must say, it was a gutsy move on Marleau's part, and it definitely lit a fire under his teams ass, but the fire just turned them all into a bunch of morons. Not the outcome he wanted, I'm sure. Especially because he took such a smooth beating out there, and his teammates didn't repay him with any offensive output. What is it about a hockey fight that just makes a guy wanna knock some heads around? Is it just me? I'm all aggressive and ready to throw DOWN right now? Who wants some? Fuck it, I'll fight you Ben Eager, I don't care if you're related to me. I only met you once, anyhow. I'll fight you. Fuck it, I'll fight drunken hate-mailers too.
*bashes head against the wall*
*rips out his 2 front teeth with his bare hands*
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! BIG FUCKING WIN TONIGHT!
Convincing. Balanced. Disciplined. "Rome"antic. Bieksallent.
Is Bieksa hearing whispers about a Conn Smythe trophy now? I hope so. He's a close second to Kesler now, in my expert opinion. He's scoring the big goals, he's sound as fuck defensively, he melting dude's faces. He lacks a mustache. What more can you aks for?!?!?!
The 3rd line was great, AGAIN! The Sedins got to show off their wizardry AGAIN! Luongo was solid, AGAIN, PEOPLE! YES!!!!!
Word to Ryan Clowe: Max Lapierre never fights anyone. He's a coward. an effective hockey player, but a coward. Try fighting someone else.
My only concern is this: You've pissed off an excellent team, Vancouver. They're PISSED! Now they have 48 hours to harness that anger and use it constructively. They got embarassed. We might see a different, faster, even meaner San Jose squad on Friday. Can we match it? You bet your Bieksallence we can.
xosmlxo
Let's start off with what, surely, everyone will be talking about after tonight's dirty beating: the boobs. It happened, seriously. Youtube that shit. Girl just walks up to the penalty box when Eager's sitting in there, and whips them out! Thanks, anonymous girl. Thanks alot. Now there's gonna be girls flashing their breasts all over the city. You've started a revolution, and if there's one thing I know for certain, it's that nobody likes a revolutionary. You don't see people rocking Ché Guevara shirts, now do you? Shame on you. I'm sure there will be tonnes of Vancouverites that feel the same way as I do about your actions.
Kidding. I say go for it. The more boobs, the better during this Cup run. fuck it, everyone just get buck-ass naked and go bananas! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
So, I decided (along with a friend) that we should start a Kevin Bieksa Fan Club. Feel free to ask me for more details. The only thing I know for sure is that you must love Kevin Bieksa more than you love your Grandmother, and you must refer to all members, including Kevin Himself, and "Your Bieksallency". That's all I have for now.
Good on him for fighting Marleau tonight. Marleau sticked him in the groin. That's enough to send any man into a frenzy, but not Bieksallent. Nope. He was a perfect gentleman, and waited for Marleau (not a fighter by any means) to drop his gloves first, throw the first punch, and then proceeded to whoop his Saskatchewan ass. I must say, it was a gutsy move on Marleau's part, and it definitely lit a fire under his teams ass, but the fire just turned them all into a bunch of morons. Not the outcome he wanted, I'm sure. Especially because he took such a smooth beating out there, and his teammates didn't repay him with any offensive output. What is it about a hockey fight that just makes a guy wanna knock some heads around? Is it just me? I'm all aggressive and ready to throw DOWN right now? Who wants some? Fuck it, I'll fight you Ben Eager, I don't care if you're related to me. I only met you once, anyhow. I'll fight you. Fuck it, I'll fight drunken hate-mailers too.
*bashes head against the wall*
*rips out his 2 front teeth with his bare hands*
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! BIG FUCKING WIN TONIGHT!
Convincing. Balanced. Disciplined. "Rome"antic. Bieksallent.
Is Bieksa hearing whispers about a Conn Smythe trophy now? I hope so. He's a close second to Kesler now, in my expert opinion. He's scoring the big goals, he's sound as fuck defensively, he melting dude's faces. He lacks a mustache. What more can you aks for?!?!?!
The 3rd line was great, AGAIN! The Sedins got to show off their wizardry AGAIN! Luongo was solid, AGAIN, PEOPLE! YES!!!!!
Word to Ryan Clowe: Max Lapierre never fights anyone. He's a coward. an effective hockey player, but a coward. Try fighting someone else.
My only concern is this: You've pissed off an excellent team, Vancouver. They're PISSED! Now they have 48 hours to harness that anger and use it constructively. They got embarassed. We might see a different, faster, even meaner San Jose squad on Friday. Can we match it? You bet your Bieksallence we can.
xosmlxo
Tuesday, 17 May 2011
game 2 in Boston!
Sweetnesses,
When asked, "Why the fuck haven't you started young Seguin since the first series when an inferior Canadiens team was whooping your ass?", Claude Julien gave this response:
^^^^^^SEE ABOVE PICTURE^^^^^^^^
and that was it. Foolish.
Seriously, when are coaches going to get it?! It's just common sense, actually. There's nothing to get. When you have a player that is arguably the most talented forward you have in your system that is actually healthy, YOU PLAY HIM! Just get him out there! What are you waiting for?! The goals that boy scored tonight were dynamite, and it just throws a huge kick in the nuts to the Tampa coaching staff now, because they have another weapon to defend against.
Sweet Under Armour commercial, too Tyler. I'm wondering when I'm gonna get mine? Soon, likely. Very soon. Seriously!!I look decent in sleeveless nylon workout clothing, it's not unbearable to see!
The goalies were godawful tonight, even though Timmy-T made some remarkable saves. He looked like his gongshow style of play was working against him tonight, and he's got a wicked playoff beard, so I think Bruins fans (I hate you all) should forgive him at least for tonight.
just find room to keep Seguin in for game 3, Claude Julien. If not, you should be stoned. Then fired. Then let Cam Neely have his way with you. Let him play, if for nothing else, to allow me to get maximum enjoyment out of watching a series that 2 teams I don't really like are involved in. Nothing irks my shit more than seeing Boston win, but I'll allow it if it means extending the series into a marathon and if it means I get to watch Seguin light the lamp all night.
Stamkos's snipe was retarded. Not retarded like Julien, but retarded like good, ya? you undorshtand meeee?! :D!!
I love the Manny Malhotra mystery, too. It's genius gamesmanship by Vancouver. They dangle out this little trick they have in their backpocket, let San Jose ALMOST see the illusion, then pull it back behind their back at the last second. I would bet that Manny could play ASAP, but they'll wait until they need him. Til they really need him. Just keep dangling the little trick in front of coaching staffs, and drive them up the fucking wall trying to strategize on how to beat the team.
Should be a helluva game tomorrow. Hopefully its similar to the one tonight, because that was a wild one!
xosmlxo
When asked, "Why the fuck haven't you started young Seguin since the first series when an inferior Canadiens team was whooping your ass?", Claude Julien gave this response:
^^^^^^SEE ABOVE PICTURE^^^^^^^^
and that was it. Foolish.
Seriously, when are coaches going to get it?! It's just common sense, actually. There's nothing to get. When you have a player that is arguably the most talented forward you have in your system that is actually healthy, YOU PLAY HIM! Just get him out there! What are you waiting for?! The goals that boy scored tonight were dynamite, and it just throws a huge kick in the nuts to the Tampa coaching staff now, because they have another weapon to defend against.
Sweet Under Armour commercial, too Tyler. I'm wondering when I'm gonna get mine? Soon, likely. Very soon. Seriously!!I look decent in sleeveless nylon workout clothing, it's not unbearable to see!
The goalies were godawful tonight, even though Timmy-T made some remarkable saves. He looked like his gongshow style of play was working against him tonight, and he's got a wicked playoff beard, so I think Bruins fans (I hate you all) should forgive him at least for tonight.
just find room to keep Seguin in for game 3, Claude Julien. If not, you should be stoned. Then fired. Then let Cam Neely have his way with you. Let him play, if for nothing else, to allow me to get maximum enjoyment out of watching a series that 2 teams I don't really like are involved in. Nothing irks my shit more than seeing Boston win, but I'll allow it if it means extending the series into a marathon and if it means I get to watch Seguin light the lamp all night.
Stamkos's snipe was retarded. Not retarded like Julien, but retarded like good, ya? you undorshtand meeee?! :D!!
I love the Manny Malhotra mystery, too. It's genius gamesmanship by Vancouver. They dangle out this little trick they have in their backpocket, let San Jose ALMOST see the illusion, then pull it back behind their back at the last second. I would bet that Manny could play ASAP, but they'll wait until they need him. Til they really need him. Just keep dangling the little trick in front of coaching staffs, and drive them up the fucking wall trying to strategize on how to beat the team.
Should be a helluva game tomorrow. Hopefully its similar to the one tonight, because that was a wild one!
xosmlxo
Monday, 16 May 2011
Can you FEEEEEEL that?!
Yes you can, Leyzerites.
Yes. You. Can.
mmm mmm it feels good. Feels good to be in Vancouver right now, doesn't it? The weather isn't perfect, it's not as warm as it should be, and the cherry blossoms are all starting to shed their pink. I say, "WHO GIVES A TURD!?" to that!
Today was strange, no? Did anyone else observe what was going on? You could literally feel a wave of happiness over the city today. It was strange. It's Monday for fuck sakes. That shit should NOT be happenin! I should've gotten honked at on Knight St., sworn at by a dirty old contractor, slapped by a lady and children should've been crying at every corner. Isn't that what Mondays are all about?
Thanks to the victory last night, such was not the case. I was literally working on an old hotel downtown, loaded with the gruffest, most haggard dudes on the planet (I fit in quite nicely. I've learned. I adapt to my surroundings), and all I got was handshakes, "yup, absolutely, that sounds great my friend"'s, and "fuckin Canucks, eh?" in a tone beyond optimistic. Great stuff, and not what I'm used to at all.
Radio broadcasters were happy, lacked cynicism, I bet Glen Healy even said something nice about someone today. Ah, probably not.
I saw an Asian man, who looked to be 17000 year old, give a high five to a young Hispanic boy on the bus today. Kid's mom was sitting beside him. She was not nervous, the boy was happier than a pig in shit to give him a high five, and they all smiled.
I saw, on the same bus ride, two old obese Indian women, beautifully dressed in their robes (forgive the ignorance as to what they're actually called), give each other friendly punches to the arm, and laugh as their nose rings sparkled in a brief moment of sunshine. FRIENDLY PUNCHES TO THE ARM BY SENIOR CITIZENS!!!!!
Okay, let's admit it. We've all been taking bong rips off Snoop's. No? Well, I'm sure some of you have. Some of you may be right now. You may be stuffing your faces, and laughing your asses off.
That is the only option I can think of, other than the obvious. That the Canucks of 2011 are a magical team. That their memory will be with the people that are swept up in the "whirlwind" of this spring for a very long time, even if they don't win the cup. That people playing a sport because they love it, working so hard to fight for every millimetre on the ice is inspiring. It makes us believe in the power of one's heart. That the guys that actually play for the Canucks, are willing to take on the weight of a whole city (I thought about making an attack on all the people who aren't on the bandwagon, but do I really think they're reading this? No. They're watching Fox news. Or littering.), because they feel it's importance to every little fan, and they want the feeling of letting people live and dream through them. I think most athletes are a special lot. They have an enormous amount of pressure. They have to make a million people happy, or they're hated. These Canucks are a special lot. Even Raffi Torres. He played well last night. Crazy little Tazmanian Devil, damn it, I love ya, despite our history. fuck it. *bro hug* *knuckles*
So there ya have it. If you walked by me on the street, and you were just torched out of your mind, thanks for the smile anyways. If you are high on Canucks, thanks even more.
Hopefully I will have something to bitch about in the East final tomorrow! I'm sure I will!!! That's right, Bruins powerplay, i'm comin for ya....wait till tomorrow. ohhhh yes!
xosmlxo!
Yes. You. Can.
mmm mmm it feels good. Feels good to be in Vancouver right now, doesn't it? The weather isn't perfect, it's not as warm as it should be, and the cherry blossoms are all starting to shed their pink. I say, "WHO GIVES A TURD!?" to that!
Today was strange, no? Did anyone else observe what was going on? You could literally feel a wave of happiness over the city today. It was strange. It's Monday for fuck sakes. That shit should NOT be happenin! I should've gotten honked at on Knight St., sworn at by a dirty old contractor, slapped by a lady and children should've been crying at every corner. Isn't that what Mondays are all about?
Thanks to the victory last night, such was not the case. I was literally working on an old hotel downtown, loaded with the gruffest, most haggard dudes on the planet (I fit in quite nicely. I've learned. I adapt to my surroundings), and all I got was handshakes, "yup, absolutely, that sounds great my friend"'s, and "fuckin Canucks, eh?" in a tone beyond optimistic. Great stuff, and not what I'm used to at all.
Radio broadcasters were happy, lacked cynicism, I bet Glen Healy even said something nice about someone today. Ah, probably not.
I saw an Asian man, who looked to be 17000 year old, give a high five to a young Hispanic boy on the bus today. Kid's mom was sitting beside him. She was not nervous, the boy was happier than a pig in shit to give him a high five, and they all smiled.
I saw, on the same bus ride, two old obese Indian women, beautifully dressed in their robes (forgive the ignorance as to what they're actually called), give each other friendly punches to the arm, and laugh as their nose rings sparkled in a brief moment of sunshine. FRIENDLY PUNCHES TO THE ARM BY SENIOR CITIZENS!!!!!
Okay, let's admit it. We've all been taking bong rips off Snoop's. No? Well, I'm sure some of you have. Some of you may be right now. You may be stuffing your faces, and laughing your asses off.
That is the only option I can think of, other than the obvious. That the Canucks of 2011 are a magical team. That their memory will be with the people that are swept up in the "whirlwind" of this spring for a very long time, even if they don't win the cup. That people playing a sport because they love it, working so hard to fight for every millimetre on the ice is inspiring. It makes us believe in the power of one's heart. That the guys that actually play for the Canucks, are willing to take on the weight of a whole city (I thought about making an attack on all the people who aren't on the bandwagon, but do I really think they're reading this? No. They're watching Fox news. Or littering.), because they feel it's importance to every little fan, and they want the feeling of letting people live and dream through them. I think most athletes are a special lot. They have an enormous amount of pressure. They have to make a million people happy, or they're hated. These Canucks are a special lot. Even Raffi Torres. He played well last night. Crazy little Tazmanian Devil, damn it, I love ya, despite our history. fuck it. *bro hug* *knuckles*
So there ya have it. If you walked by me on the street, and you were just torched out of your mind, thanks for the smile anyways. If you are high on Canucks, thanks even more.
Hopefully I will have something to bitch about in the East final tomorrow! I'm sure I will!!! That's right, Bruins powerplay, i'm comin for ya....wait till tomorrow. ohhhh yes!
xosmlxo!
Sunday, 15 May 2011
1 down, 3 to go!
MUTHAFUCKAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
BEEEEYAW! BYAW! We're goin' ya Delaware! We're going to Vancouver BEEYAW!
That's 1 Canucks fans!
But don't put too much stock into just this one victory. I just heard a stat saying the Canucks haven't lost a game one of a playoff series in 4 years. And we still haven't seen a Stanley Cup parade here, so, ya. Let's take it for what it is - 1 victory. Let's be happy, and hope we take both games at home again.
I would also like to say that I would like to thank God for giving the man that made the jersey above a life. I'm a bit jealous, because I wanted the very-same jersey but I'm just too damn busy writing this damn blog to go out and find the time to accomplish my #1 dream in life - to buy a jersey that says "Bieksallent" on it. What can I say? I'm completely selfish and willing to give all of myself to the leagues and leagues of readers every night (EXCEPT WHEN THE SITE DOES MAINTENANCE!). I'm just a good dude like that.
Couldn't be happier to see Boomboom Bieksallent score tonight, and what a tasty dish he got, eh? I love it when Bieksa scored, it's like he's being rewarded for being such a Mr. Canuck everytime he pots one. That's how I feel anyways. No one's put up with more criticism, and strangely enough, s team)quite like him. Canuck culture (on this team)quite like him. It's a love-hate relationship between him and the city, but it's been all love this year, and for me personally, even more love in the playoffs. He's beginning to fit into the pants Kesler's wearing these days, in that he's becoming a legend I think. IF Vancouver wins the cup, he'll be one of the guys - the Trevor's, Pavel's, Kirk's that people will talk about.
HEY! Maybe Danny and Hank will too! Who was CBC's first star tonight? yuh huh! Hank! You just know that the rest of the teams left were thinking, "come on...just lay a stinker like you've been doing all playoffs, Twins...."well, sorry mutherfuckers! NOT HAPPENING! The Brothers Sedin are about to break out and lay a smooth, pretty beating on San Jose's nameless defense. I think. I hope. I dream about.
Niemi was fabulous tonight. Thornton's officially a gamer now, too. Even if San Jose doesn't get by Vancouver, even though they definitely still can. Enough of the "not a playoff performer" bullshit. The label has been dropped, for me anyways.
How did Vancouver NOT score on that wild scrum in the first period. Seriously, I could've buried that. No I couldn't have. Nevermind.
Goodnight All. Sleep Well. Kiss your Leyzer cardboard cutout under your bed before bed, if you're awesome enough to have one.
xosmlxo
BEEEEYAW! BYAW! We're goin' ya Delaware! We're going to Vancouver BEEYAW!
That's 1 Canucks fans!
But don't put too much stock into just this one victory. I just heard a stat saying the Canucks haven't lost a game one of a playoff series in 4 years. And we still haven't seen a Stanley Cup parade here, so, ya. Let's take it for what it is - 1 victory. Let's be happy, and hope we take both games at home again.
I would also like to say that I would like to thank God for giving the man that made the jersey above a life. I'm a bit jealous, because I wanted the very-same jersey but I'm just too damn busy writing this damn blog to go out and find the time to accomplish my #1 dream in life - to buy a jersey that says "Bieksallent" on it. What can I say? I'm completely selfish and willing to give all of myself to the leagues and leagues of readers every night (EXCEPT WHEN THE SITE DOES MAINTENANCE!). I'm just a good dude like that.
Couldn't be happier to see Boomboom Bieksallent score tonight, and what a tasty dish he got, eh? I love it when Bieksa scored, it's like he's being rewarded for being such a Mr. Canuck everytime he pots one. That's how I feel anyways. No one's put up with more criticism, and strangely enough, s team)quite like him. Canuck culture (on this team)quite like him. It's a love-hate relationship between him and the city, but it's been all love this year, and for me personally, even more love in the playoffs. He's beginning to fit into the pants Kesler's wearing these days, in that he's becoming a legend I think. IF Vancouver wins the cup, he'll be one of the guys - the Trevor's, Pavel's, Kirk's that people will talk about.
HEY! Maybe Danny and Hank will too! Who was CBC's first star tonight? yuh huh! Hank! You just know that the rest of the teams left were thinking, "come on...just lay a stinker like you've been doing all playoffs, Twins...."well, sorry mutherfuckers! NOT HAPPENING! The Brothers Sedin are about to break out and lay a smooth, pretty beating on San Jose's nameless defense. I think. I hope. I dream about.
Niemi was fabulous tonight. Thornton's officially a gamer now, too. Even if San Jose doesn't get by Vancouver, even though they definitely still can. Enough of the "not a playoff performer" bullshit. The label has been dropped, for me anyways.
How did Vancouver NOT score on that wild scrum in the first period. Seriously, I could've buried that. No I couldn't have. Nevermind.
Goodnight All. Sleep Well. Kiss your Leyzer cardboard cutout under your bed before bed, if you're awesome enough to have one.
xosmlxo
Saturday, 14 May 2011
Joo Guyss Wanna Play Roff?
OKAY! I'M RELOADED!!!!!!!
If you haven't already watched the new Lonely Island video, do it now. It's called "Jack Sparrow" featuring MICHAEL BOLTON!!! YES! MICHAEL BOLTON! The one and only, the sexiest man alive, the coolest cat in the universe, the singer of my alarm in the morning and the voice in my head when I make love. Mike B.
Notice the resemblance between Antionio Montana and Guy Boucher? Not only do they both have bad ass scars on their faces, but they both migrated to Florida to become legends. It's only a matter of time before Guy balls Michelle Pfeiffer and buries his face in a mound of cocaine...okay, let's face it, he's been there, done that. He's the man of the hour, and his team got the first win in the conference finals this year after a very convincing victory.
I kind of had a feeling that one of those teams would fall asleep in the first game or two of the series, simply because of the amount of time they had off. So it would come down to who had the better coach, and the better leadership group to get the team up for the game tonight. Obviously Tampa won that battle, and an important battle that is in the playoffs. It's the man behind the bench and the grizzled veterans that will keep a teams young guys focused. Tampa's got that good group of guys playing that have been there before. They know how to win.
So Boston fell asleep for about 5 minutes, and lost the game right then and there. I can't believe Hall scored that goal. It was BEAUTIFUL! How does a guy just pull one out of his ass like that?! I wonder if he's about to catch fire and go on a run here - strange shit like that always happens in the playoffs, i'm tellin ya!
Not having Patrice Bergeron really hurt Boston tonight, but if there was just some way they could keep Tyler Seguin and him in the lineup when he returns, I think they'd be in a lot better shape going forward. He's a talented young guy, and he scored one helluva goal tonight.
We have a big day here in Vancouver tomorrow. Sleep well, People.
xosmlxo
If you haven't already watched the new Lonely Island video, do it now. It's called "Jack Sparrow" featuring MICHAEL BOLTON!!! YES! MICHAEL BOLTON! The one and only, the sexiest man alive, the coolest cat in the universe, the singer of my alarm in the morning and the voice in my head when I make love. Mike B.
Notice the resemblance between Antionio Montana and Guy Boucher? Not only do they both have bad ass scars on their faces, but they both migrated to Florida to become legends. It's only a matter of time before Guy balls Michelle Pfeiffer and buries his face in a mound of cocaine...okay, let's face it, he's been there, done that. He's the man of the hour, and his team got the first win in the conference finals this year after a very convincing victory.
I kind of had a feeling that one of those teams would fall asleep in the first game or two of the series, simply because of the amount of time they had off. So it would come down to who had the better coach, and the better leadership group to get the team up for the game tonight. Obviously Tampa won that battle, and an important battle that is in the playoffs. It's the man behind the bench and the grizzled veterans that will keep a teams young guys focused. Tampa's got that good group of guys playing that have been there before. They know how to win.
So Boston fell asleep for about 5 minutes, and lost the game right then and there. I can't believe Hall scored that goal. It was BEAUTIFUL! How does a guy just pull one out of his ass like that?! I wonder if he's about to catch fire and go on a run here - strange shit like that always happens in the playoffs, i'm tellin ya!
Not having Patrice Bergeron really hurt Boston tonight, but if there was just some way they could keep Tyler Seguin and him in the lineup when he returns, I think they'd be in a lot better shape going forward. He's a talented young guy, and he scored one helluva goal tonight.
We have a big day here in Vancouver tomorrow. Sleep well, People.
xosmlxo
Friday, 13 May 2011
and then there were four.
Well Leyzerites,
We're gettin' down to the nitty gritty now, aren't we? Uh huh, yes indeedy we are. mmm mmm, more hockey is right around the corner! Starting TOMORROW!
Now there are less predictions to make, so my normally long "prediction issues" will be much shorter for the next few round. umm...obviously...I think I should just get right to it!
(3) BOSTON .vs. (5) TAMPA BAY
No one expected Tampa Bay to get as far as they have so far, at least no one with half a fucking brain. No one thought that Steve Downie, Sean Bergenheim, Teddy Purcell, Dominic Moore and Victor Hedman would be playing the way they've played so far. Sure, we expected it from St. Louis, Stamkos and Lecavalier (we expect it with Lecavalier, but are frequently disappointed with his effort. Not anymore.) They came out of nowhere and knocked off the 2 teams that Montreal knocked off last year to get to the conference final. Montreal played a big, tough powerhouse in that conference final last year - the Philadelphia Flyers. Tampa plays a big, tough powerhouse this year in the conference finals - the Boston Bruins. Are we now expecting those role players on the Lightning to play the way they've been playing night in night out ALL THE TIME? Don't be. I'm saying that the luck of the lightning is running out this round, although I wouldn't be losing any sleep if they did beat Boston in 6 game. But, I'm looking at Bruins goalie Tim Thomas, and I'm just seeing him making a bunch of game-saving stops. I'm looking at Zdeno Chara (who isn't sick anymore like he was against the Habs) and I'm seeing a huge coke-drinking Slovak with ice in his veins - He should be in a movie as a villain, like a James Bond film or something. I'm looking at their forward lines, and noticing that Milan Lucic broke out of his slump last series, and that all 4 lines are playing typical Bruins hockey - it's fast, it's tough as nails, and it results in a lot of offense. I'm gonna say the Bruins in 6, and give Tampa Bay a game for every one that Patrice Bergeron is supposed to miss this series.
Patrice Bergeron = my generation's Olympic Rob Zamuner. If you know what I'm saying, you'll laugh. If not, ah well. I see you've spent your last 15 or so years with more important things than remembering who plays on Canadian olympic teams. Good on ya, I could use some of that. Pass it down! Don't hog it all!
okay...
(1) VANCOUVER .vs. (2) SAN JOSE
The two top seeds in the west clash!!! The way it was supposed to be! That seems like it NEVER happens, eh?
These are 2 teams that are evenly matched. 2 Manic goalies. Can save the game for you, or totally blow it. Niemi seems like he's a bit more calm (okay, ALOT more calm) than Luongo, he just randomly decides to let everything past him. Yes! Do more of that, Mr. Niemi. NO MORE CUP RINGS FOR YOU, OKAY?!
Both teams are SO, SO talented up front. Fast, creative, deep. I love it. It's as star-studded a line up as Warren Beatty's headboard. you're not gonna see this much offensive ability in any other series in the NHL playoffs. It should be a beautiful sight to behold. Both teams have star forwards that have been hated on considerably by both media-types and hardcore fans alike. I hate to say it, but San Jose might have the advantage in the forward department, strictly based on their size and strength. That's just based on logic, but I think we all know that size and strength doesn't matter a whole lot in the playoffs. It's determination that'll win you the battle. So fuck what I said, it don't mean shit now, fuck the presents may as well throw them out. We're even up front.
Advantage Vancouver on the defensive front. We're deeper and more gifted. They have a number 1 defenseman in Dan Boyle, and a bunch of Suitcases. the Suitcases have exceeded exceptations, though. I mean, they've gotten this far, haven't they? Often that's the case, too. You see these Jabroni defensemen just play their sacks off for a cup (think Brent Sopel for Chicago last year) and maybe forwards just assume that they'll win that battle against the less-talented defenseman on a one-on-one or in the corner. But it's not the case, because they can't see the size of the guys heart and they can't measure will to win when they're skating that fast, so these jobbers will win battles. It's like they just hide for years, and decide that "now it's time to win".
But I'm a "Homer", so fuck those journeymen, and fuck Dan Boyle. Fuck Ian White, even if he is from Manitoba. Advantage: Bieksa and the boys.
Both teams have another strange thing in common. Both franchises are historic underachievers/failures. 0 Stanley Cups for either team. They've iced good teams in the past, only to come up not only short, but to just plain not come at all. Vancouver gets to see a Stanley Cup final game in our city once every 20 years on average. San Jose's average is once every...never. It's their 20th year of existence though, so maybe that'll be the---STOP WITH THIS SPECULATION, LEYZERSTUPID! Ugly! Fat! Ugly! Fat!
where was I?
oh. right. Another thing they have in common is they both ALMOST proved their cynical-ass fans right again this year by blowing a 3-0 series lead in a series to force game 7. Both teams got it together before it was too late.
2 EVEN EVEN EVEN teams. only 1 winner. Gotta pick Vancouver. Have to. Gotta pick em, and I gotta believe in my boys. I gotta believe this rest really helped them, I gotta believe that I'll tell my children about Ryan Kesler's 2011 playoffs someday. I gotta believe in Canucks Nation. I gotta believe "canucks is a family, so we do it for Bourdon and we do it for Manny". I gotta not believe in ghosts. I gotta believe Henrik is gonna show up, that Daniel will help him along the way, that our D will be more solid than they were last series, that Lu will stand tall, and that we'll all have a big fucking party very soon. Canucks in.....FIVE! My dick's swinging now, Sharks fans. I'm getting cocky, woooo!
Went to the movies by myself today. I spread out over the back row like a slob, and watched a Danish film called "In A Better World". Loved it. I was exhausted on the way home. Don't you love when you see a good movie, and you're just buzzing like crazy and all these tremendous feelings are channeling through your body and you just can't take it anymore so you have to lean over and catch your breath? Does that happen to anyone else? The doctor-dad in it is my new hero. Actually, the whole movie is my new hero. the best part about the movie, to me, was that it was FILLED with secrets. They all had untold stories, even the boys. that's what makes a film great, or one thing anyways. boobs, too. there were no boobs in this one, but the woman in it was SO DAMN MYSTERIOUS, TOO! man! Just go to Tinseltown and watch it. don't go watch Pirates, just watch this movie and be touched by it.
Tomorrow, a new chapter in hockey begins! Let's rock.
RIP Derek Boogaard. Sad.
xosmlxo
We're gettin' down to the nitty gritty now, aren't we? Uh huh, yes indeedy we are. mmm mmm, more hockey is right around the corner! Starting TOMORROW!
Now there are less predictions to make, so my normally long "prediction issues" will be much shorter for the next few round. umm...obviously...I think I should just get right to it!
(3) BOSTON .vs. (5) TAMPA BAY
No one expected Tampa Bay to get as far as they have so far, at least no one with half a fucking brain. No one thought that Steve Downie, Sean Bergenheim, Teddy Purcell, Dominic Moore and Victor Hedman would be playing the way they've played so far. Sure, we expected it from St. Louis, Stamkos and Lecavalier (we expect it with Lecavalier, but are frequently disappointed with his effort. Not anymore.) They came out of nowhere and knocked off the 2 teams that Montreal knocked off last year to get to the conference final. Montreal played a big, tough powerhouse in that conference final last year - the Philadelphia Flyers. Tampa plays a big, tough powerhouse this year in the conference finals - the Boston Bruins. Are we now expecting those role players on the Lightning to play the way they've been playing night in night out ALL THE TIME? Don't be. I'm saying that the luck of the lightning is running out this round, although I wouldn't be losing any sleep if they did beat Boston in 6 game. But, I'm looking at Bruins goalie Tim Thomas, and I'm just seeing him making a bunch of game-saving stops. I'm looking at Zdeno Chara (who isn't sick anymore like he was against the Habs) and I'm seeing a huge coke-drinking Slovak with ice in his veins - He should be in a movie as a villain, like a James Bond film or something. I'm looking at their forward lines, and noticing that Milan Lucic broke out of his slump last series, and that all 4 lines are playing typical Bruins hockey - it's fast, it's tough as nails, and it results in a lot of offense. I'm gonna say the Bruins in 6, and give Tampa Bay a game for every one that Patrice Bergeron is supposed to miss this series.
Patrice Bergeron = my generation's Olympic Rob Zamuner. If you know what I'm saying, you'll laugh. If not, ah well. I see you've spent your last 15 or so years with more important things than remembering who plays on Canadian olympic teams. Good on ya, I could use some of that. Pass it down! Don't hog it all!
okay...
(1) VANCOUVER .vs. (2) SAN JOSE
The two top seeds in the west clash!!! The way it was supposed to be! That seems like it NEVER happens, eh?
These are 2 teams that are evenly matched. 2 Manic goalies. Can save the game for you, or totally blow it. Niemi seems like he's a bit more calm (okay, ALOT more calm) than Luongo, he just randomly decides to let everything past him. Yes! Do more of that, Mr. Niemi. NO MORE CUP RINGS FOR YOU, OKAY?!
Both teams are SO, SO talented up front. Fast, creative, deep. I love it. It's as star-studded a line up as Warren Beatty's headboard. you're not gonna see this much offensive ability in any other series in the NHL playoffs. It should be a beautiful sight to behold. Both teams have star forwards that have been hated on considerably by both media-types and hardcore fans alike. I hate to say it, but San Jose might have the advantage in the forward department, strictly based on their size and strength. That's just based on logic, but I think we all know that size and strength doesn't matter a whole lot in the playoffs. It's determination that'll win you the battle. So fuck what I said, it don't mean shit now, fuck the presents may as well throw them out. We're even up front.
Advantage Vancouver on the defensive front. We're deeper and more gifted. They have a number 1 defenseman in Dan Boyle, and a bunch of Suitcases. the Suitcases have exceeded exceptations, though. I mean, they've gotten this far, haven't they? Often that's the case, too. You see these Jabroni defensemen just play their sacks off for a cup (think Brent Sopel for Chicago last year) and maybe forwards just assume that they'll win that battle against the less-talented defenseman on a one-on-one or in the corner. But it's not the case, because they can't see the size of the guys heart and they can't measure will to win when they're skating that fast, so these jobbers will win battles. It's like they just hide for years, and decide that "now it's time to win".
But I'm a "Homer", so fuck those journeymen, and fuck Dan Boyle. Fuck Ian White, even if he is from Manitoba. Advantage: Bieksa and the boys.
Both teams have another strange thing in common. Both franchises are historic underachievers/failures. 0 Stanley Cups for either team. They've iced good teams in the past, only to come up not only short, but to just plain not come at all. Vancouver gets to see a Stanley Cup final game in our city once every 20 years on average. San Jose's average is once every...never. It's their 20th year of existence though, so maybe that'll be the---STOP WITH THIS SPECULATION, LEYZERSTUPID! Ugly! Fat! Ugly! Fat!
where was I?
oh. right. Another thing they have in common is they both ALMOST proved their cynical-ass fans right again this year by blowing a 3-0 series lead in a series to force game 7. Both teams got it together before it was too late.
2 EVEN EVEN EVEN teams. only 1 winner. Gotta pick Vancouver. Have to. Gotta pick em, and I gotta believe in my boys. I gotta believe this rest really helped them, I gotta believe that I'll tell my children about Ryan Kesler's 2011 playoffs someday. I gotta believe in Canucks Nation. I gotta believe "canucks is a family, so we do it for Bourdon and we do it for Manny". I gotta not believe in ghosts. I gotta believe Henrik is gonna show up, that Daniel will help him along the way, that our D will be more solid than they were last series, that Lu will stand tall, and that we'll all have a big fucking party very soon. Canucks in.....FIVE! My dick's swinging now, Sharks fans. I'm getting cocky, woooo!
Went to the movies by myself today. I spread out over the back row like a slob, and watched a Danish film called "In A Better World". Loved it. I was exhausted on the way home. Don't you love when you see a good movie, and you're just buzzing like crazy and all these tremendous feelings are channeling through your body and you just can't take it anymore so you have to lean over and catch your breath? Does that happen to anyone else? The doctor-dad in it is my new hero. Actually, the whole movie is my new hero. the best part about the movie, to me, was that it was FILLED with secrets. They all had untold stories, even the boys. that's what makes a film great, or one thing anyways. boobs, too. there were no boobs in this one, but the woman in it was SO DAMN MYSTERIOUS, TOO! man! Just go to Tinseltown and watch it. don't go watch Pirates, just watch this movie and be touched by it.
Tomorrow, a new chapter in hockey begins! Let's rock.
RIP Derek Boogaard. Sad.
xosmlxo
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