Boston Bruins: 2011 Stanley Cup Champs

Fuck.
Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
It hurts so...bad.
We just had no gas left in the tank tonight. Our Defense looked exhausted. We showed flashes of offensive pressure, particularly by our top 6, (did you expect anything less, Haters?), but to no avail. It wasn't meant to be.
I feel really bad for all the players, mostly. Most of us will never know what it's like to work so hard for something, break bones for something, throw up for something, only to come up short and have to start all over again the next time the opportunity comes around again. The opportunity will come around for this group of guys, but will they be able to seize the day next time? Idunno.
Most of the core guys are under contract. We gotta sign Bieksa.
We had some fun though, didn't we? over the last 65 days?
Don't forget all the fun it was, even though we lost.
I'm emotionally out of gas from these playoffs. I can't take another day of sports for a while.
I'll be right there when the season starts again next year though, fully expecting them to win every game. Fully expecting to have fun watching when they all play well, and fully expecting to curse each players very existence when they shit the bed.
Luongo sucked in game 6, yes. But cut him some slack. As I said, this team will be back. He'll learn from his meltdown, and come back better than ever.
As much as it pains me to say this, I'm happy for Tim Thomas to hoist the Stanley Cup. talk about never giving up on a dream! Dude was in his mid-30's when he broke into the NHL! Look at him now...
Don't quit, people. Get what you want. It's yours if you want it bad enough. Tim Thomas would probably tell you that.
Our boys wanted it tonight, but Boston just wanted it a bit more.
No shame, just pride for this Canucks fan.
Thanks for reading my blog, everyone! I'm done now though. Hopefully I made you laugh, made you like hockey a bit more, and hopefully I made the games slightly more enjoyable to watch!
Gave me something to do everynight (well, almost every night). A little sense of responsibility, for which, until then, I had none.
Wonder what'll happen next year? Have a good summer, everyone. May you recover fully from the playoffs, get back to a normal routine, maybe do some things you've wanted to do for a while, and may you all still believe in the Canucks.

xosmlxo

Tomorrow. We dine. IN HELLL!

I think that's a line from the movie "300", but I've never watched that shit before, so it's just an uneducated guess. I'm too much of a snob to watch the movie "300", although I did hear someone tell me that my playoff beard looks like Gerard Butler's beard in that flick, so I'll take that as a compliment thank you very much.
Tomorrow is the last game of the 2011 Stanley Cup playoffs.
I'm curious as to what will happen after tomorrow. Like a week after. I remember after the Olympics were over, people were some kinda fucked up. I didn't stop drinking until about a month after Sid beat Miller shortside. I also wondered if I had done permanent damage to my vocal chords, because I couldn't speak in full volume for, ohhhh, about 2 weeks after. People were breaking up with their lovers, running out of town, freaking out about maxed credit cards, and re-living the Olympic experience just to stay sane for the months that followed. What the hell is going to happen in Vancouver?! The Olympics was 16 days, this has been over 60 days of some of the most dramatic theatre a fan could ask for. Fuck, it's been too dramatic, who am I kidding? Wouldn't it have been nice to just go 16-0, 4 sweeps, and hoists the grail? Easier on the ulcers, that's for sure. Is there gonna be a massive hangover, though? I'm a bit nervous for that. I don't wanna wake up with a Mike Tyson tattoo on my face, although I am thinking of shaving my head. What grand post-playoff goals are you setting for yourself? I have about 10 of them, and am banking on what the Canucks have taught me about perseverance, relentlessness, courage, and heart to ensure that I accomplish all of them.
I hope Raffi Torres injures Johnny Boychuk tomorrow.
Imagine the possibilities for tomorrow! Literally ANYTHING can happen. Picture the best case scenario in your head....
Here's mine, If I was God of Hockey, I would write it this way.
The twins get 2 points each. Kesler's pain goes away and he plays with 2 good legs, just for 1 game. Lu is solid, just solid, that's all I ask.
We go into overtime. Burrows. Bow and Arrow. Cup.
Handshakes.
It probably won't happen this way, as it seems that the unlikeliest of heroes step up in game 7's. The Glass's, Tambellini's, Thornton's, Paille's.
One thing is for sure, regardless of the outcome, many grown men will weep openly tomorrow, so make sure you have kleenex around you at all times.
May you all have fun tomorrow, may you all be with loved ones tomorrow, may you cheer until your eyes pop out, may you cheer EVEN IF WE DON'T GET THE FIRST GOAL, may you cheer until the buzzer sounds.
May the Canucks win the Stanley Cup?

xosmlxo

What the Crud?

 (^^best line in "The Hangover II"^^)
????????
I'm at a loss for words. How does that happen?!
This is the most unpredictable, stressful, strange, dirty hockey series I've ever seen. It's legendary, that much I can admit. People in Vancouver and in Boston will never forget this.
One city will have fond memories, the other will not.
Luongo stunk tonight. Period. Piss poor effort, from the goalie out. For those 4-plus minutes of Bruin onslaught. That was just terrible hockey by everyone. Bruins were just floating around in the slot, ready to bury loose pucks. Good thing they didn't have to, because Roberto was letting everything in that came close to him.
Should've been pulled after 2.
Apparently Mason Raymond ruptured his scrotum. Men, let's alllll just think of that for a second. I'm curious as to how useful the scrotum is. Like how far would your bare testicles dangle if it didn't exist? Anyways, his still exists, and I don't think he's about to get his berries chopped off or anything like that, but, ya, I would be a "no-go" if my sack got split open. No pressure to return, Mase.
We noticed his absence, though. didn't we? It fucks everything up. You got Hansen and Oreskovich taking shifts with the 2nd line. 2 dudes on a scoring line that can skate like the wind, but have ABSOLUTELY ZERO FINISH! Mr. Tambellini may have made a difference tonight, but, despite the ridiculous expectations people put on him, Alain Vigneault is not a psychic and can't predict how a game will turn out.
The Sedin's were the best players for us tonight. I hope Boston knows that.
I fucking hate Boston. and I hate when Luongo plays like a pile of turd. I hate that I have to wait another 42 or so hours until this fucking series is over. It's turning me into a hockey fiend. I need a fix. I'm listening to Craig Button and Steve Kouleas blab on and on and on about what went wrong in the background right now just to keep myself sane!
Do I think Vancouver will win game 7? No.
Do I think Boston will win game 7? No.
I have no reason to believe that any team will win, because this is the biggest wildcard series ever. ya, ya, The Canucks have won all the games at home. They've all been one-goal games, though, so a lucky Boston bounce could give them the cup. It's that close, when it's in Vancouver anyways.
So all there is left to do is hope, and cheer, and believe that maybe Wednesday night will be alot of fun here in Vancouver.
It's funny, because although I have no reason to believe in these manic fucking Canucks, I still do. I gave a "thumbs up" to that famous Canuck Van on the way home. No honking was done, but I shared a look with the driver that said, "we'll do it."
I hope the Canucks win.
If they don't, can one of you get a sportsfan psychologist on speed-dial for me, please?

xosmlxo

DO YOU LIKE APPLES!?

Well Vancouver just got Minnie Driver's phone numbha, so howdya like them apples, Boston!
Woo!
Woo!
I'm wondering if alot of people like apples tonight.
I'm wondering if all the people that thought Corey Schneider should've started game 5 tonight do. IDIOTS! Roberto Luongo is the best goalie in Canucks history. He's one of maybe...5 goalies in the NHL that are world-class (Thomas, Lundqvist, Rinne, Price), meaning that they have the ability to put an entire team on their back, and win a game by themselves. Now Lu didn't have to do that tonight, because the boys played excellent in front of him, but he was sharp as a tack tonight. I thought it was a heroic performance, and I bet there are some young kids out there that watched him play tonight and thought "I wish that one day I could be a goalie, just like Luongo". I don't understand how a guy can face that much scrutiny and ridicule, and come up with such an effortlessly solid performance like that. It doesn't make sense to me, the way that guy can play so well after having 10's of 1000's of people calling for his head as soon as a goal goes in on him. Ya, ya, ya, he's let in a few stinkers in the Nashville series, and got lit up against Chicago and these Bruins, but you have to give him credit, and just trust that he's gonna be fine.
I don't think there's a goalie in the world that's gonna stop goals 5, 6, 7, and 8 after his team gives up in front of him. and as for game 4, well, much the same. there was no energy in front of him, and maybe he didn't have any either.
What I do think is that he brought it tonight. And that's alright with me.
I wonder if Mike Milbury likes apples, too. He called the Sedin's "Thelma and Louise" on live television. Even though Daniel and Henrik didn't get on the scoresheet, they played with a grit-level that I didn't know was possible. Gone are the days of them love-tapping along the boards. They didn't embellish hits. They hit like the rest of the boys tonight, and showed some real guts. You gotta find the footage of Daniel talking about Milbury's comments, and Corey Schneider's too. hilarious stuff. Really makes you realize how the hockey world looks at Mr. Milbury. Plus, as Daniel points out, Thelma and Louise are 2 women, so what does that say about the  guy using that comparison as an insult on live TV? Makes him sound like a pretty big idiot, if you ask me.
Vancouver beat the shit out of Boston tonight, in particular Alex Edler and the 3rd line. Is this the 3rd line's series? It was the Twins/Burrows line last series, and the Kesler, Raymond, and Higgins line the series before. The 4th line actually looked good tonight, but I was worried that I'd have to refer to Tanner Glass as "Tanner Lafayette" after he whiffed on that tasty dish from Tanev. Shit happens, Tanner. You'll bury that next time.
I'm also convinced that the reason Vancouver stunk so badly in Boston is because I hear the ice is terrible there, and it's difficult for them to play their puck-possession game without any speed. Must be it. It was too hot there for the Canucks to fly the way they know how. Like they did tonight.
Fuck, that was a gutsy effort.
Notice how exhausted Kesler looks in his interviews. Like a zombie. But for a Zombie, he flew tonight for whatever reason.
Kevin Bieksa said that Chris Tanev "may as well've played the game with a cigarette in his mouth the whole time, he was so cool". Jokes on you, non-smokers. It's clear by that comment that Kevin Bieksa think I kick ass. I think he's right.
Well, the playoffs are over next week. Either Monday or Wednesday. 1 more win for Vancouver. Unbelievable. I can't believe it's this close. I guess we'll wait, cheer til our throats fall out, and see.

xosmlxo

yikes...

Well, I will make this short, for I must learn to not let a game that I am not actually apart of/have no control over affect me so greatly.
Stopped watching after the 4th goal, so I have no idea how it ended up. I assume unfavourable to Canucks fans, and the players, too, as I'm not hearing any honking.
I will only say this, as I remove my Canucks sweater that makes me look like a giant piece of that candy that kids throw out at halloween - candy corn, i think it's called. The Canucks look tired. Like they've collectively ran out of gas. I think this is the case because the forwards who haven't played as much seem to still be skating pretty hard, but even they look sluggish. Burrows didn't from what I saw, but there's no quit in him, or in his body.
To a man, exhaustion is written all over their faces. and their bodies too. The twins are limping around, Kesler is slow.
Feel bad for Ballard, one of those nights where nothing goes right for the guy.
If they lose this series, and the Cup, it'll be because they've got nothing left in the tank. And I could live with that. I remember a wise baseball coach of mine saying that as a team, physical mistakes will happen, but it's the mental mistakes that you must eliminate. Very true, and when your body no longer listens to your willpower, it's tough not to make physical mistakes. Can't fault the boys for pushing themselves to the limit. We must remember that they are "boys", or men, and not machines.
However, imagine what could happen if 17 000 strong are screaming their faces off in Rogers Arena on Friday? and 10's of 1000's in the streets? Might be able to distract that ravaged, exhausted body for 60 minutes.

xosmlxo

What the hell kinda whack-ass bullshit is that?!

FOUR GAMES?!
eye for a muthafuckin eye!? NOOOOO! You got it all WRONG, NHL! again!
I mean, sure, as a fan, it's not like we lost a Sedin or Kesler for the remainder of the playoffs, but still! Gimme a break.
Ben Eager tried, with all the power he had in him, to end Daniel Sedin's season last series. One of the dirtiest, most gutless checks of all time. No suspension! and why? Because (I can't believe I'm saying this after what I wrote in my last blog) Daniel was man enough to get up and not fake like he had a broken back!
So you're suspending guys based on the damage done to the victim. Okay, then why the fuck wasn't Zdeno Chara suspended for BREAKING Max Pacioretty's NECK!!!!
In the words of legendary Vancouver Canucks sportswriter Tony Gallagher, "WAKE UPPPP, NHL!"
In the words of legendary beak-show, smooth-pimp, and all-around cool dude Jeremy Roenick, "WAKE UPPP, NHL! WAKE THE FUCK UP!"
Ya, maybe Homeboy should've been suspended. Actually, ya, he should've been. It was a late hit, and therefore dirty, so he deserved a game. but not FOUR!
The native of Souris (pronouced "Surris", not like a mouse in french) Manitoba has never been in trouble with the league before. He's never been suspended. He's a clean, working-man's stay-at-home defenseman. He collects a small paycheque in comparison to most, and he's scratched and clawed his way into the NHL. He worked his way into his coach's good books these playoffs by being dependable. One mistake that took a nanosecond, and his Stanley Cup dream is over. Bullshit.
I know, I know, so is Nathan Horton's...but don't be admiring your passes, and you won't end up on a stretcher. It takes one guy to leave himself vulnerable for an attack, and one guy to capitalize on the vulnerability. That's sports, and that's life sometimes. Let your guard down, and someone might take what you thought was yours. Gotta stay on your toes, People.
I'm officially infected by Blackhawkitis, by the way. I can see this series getting away from us. I can barely see it, and i'm fighting this crippling virus that is slowly and sneakily ravaging my body and psyche, but it's there. I can't help it.
I found myself thinking today about how I kind of want the playoffs to be over. My stress-level has been through the roof for almost 2 months now. I want it to be over, but only if we win. I want constructive activity to occupy my evenings after the playoffs are over.
Win tomorrow, Canucks. Just win.
Kesler was minus-3 yesterday. He's obviously hurt and running out of gas. that little Boner Marchand burned him like he was Aki Berg yesterday. He put the team on his back for one whole series, and he's gassed. Wonder if someone can "pull a Kesler" tomorrow and from here on out? Hopefully.
I guess Krejci and Thomas have to be mentioned in the Conn Smythe now....before I was sure it would be a Canuck winning it, now I'm not.

xosmlxo

"game" 3

Leyzerville,

Well, that sucked.
That was embarrassing.
8 fucking 1.
Here's how I saw it.
first period was great. Actually really exciting. Buddy Horton got his clock cleaned, saw stars, got taken off on a stretcher and the game was ON! They're down their most clutch forward, and we're down our least-crucial D-man.
Everyone was hitting everyone. Good, clean, hard-ass hockey. Just exciting as fuck to watch.
Then, the intermission came, someone put valium in Vancouver's gatorade, and speed in Boston's, and Boston just took over.
Actually, what I saw was the same thing I saw in the Chicago series. The FAMOUS CHICAGO SERIES!!!!
Vancouver is dominating a series in every facet of the game, and someone on the Canucks that has a limited role on the team gets too aggressive on a hit, and knocks out a star for the other team. The other team responds positively to it, and the Canucks sit back and hope no one takes a run at Daniel or Henrik. So while they're sitting back with their thumbs up each others bums (and not in a good way, people), Boston decides to check their egos at the door, and do whats right for the good of their team, and the good of their fallen teammate: go out and beat them where it hurts, on the scoreboard.
And ya, why not rub it in a bit after they have a comfy lead? may as well, because they're in full control of the game now, and no one on the Canucks can do anything about it. May as well taunt Burrows with a finger in the face.
Let it also be known that I would rather have Milan Lucic's fist pound my skull into the boards than to have watched that.
As much as it pains me to say this, we really missed Aaron Rome after he got kicked out. How is it possible to miss such a replaceable defenseman, you ask? Well, it was painfully obvious that the 5 remaining D on the Canucks were gassed before the first 20 minutes was up. I seriously don't think I saw them make a clean pass out of their zone all game. Edler looked like he should be playing in St. John's next year. Ehrhoff looked like he shouldn't be signed in the off-season. Bieksa played like he was a Sedin.
Speaking of the Sedins, does anyone else find it extremely embarrassing to cheer for guys that are so damn good, but look like such cowards when they're not having a good night? They're obviously not cowards, but diving all over the ice...come on! the refs see you taking a beating in the corners all night!! if someone taps your face, they know it doesn't hurt you. There's just no place for flailing around like a beached fish after someone barely hits you. The Sedins got bitch-slapped tonight, and they looked like they liked it. NOBODY LIKES GETTING BITCH-SLAPPED! I thought...
Getting ploughed by THE GOALIE?!?! yikes...embarrassing.
They're awesome when they're awesome, and good when they're good, but man oh man are they tough to watch when their game isn't there. I can't really be insulting them too much, because they are our best players, just, just, maaan oh man, watching hockey player play like their panzies is so unappealing. come on, fellas!!
So...I guess Luongo isn't winning the Conn Smythe this year, right? I think we can all agree on that. Yup. Next topic.
everyone played terrible tonight, and maybe they're tired, and yes, teams shit the bed every now and again. It's been a long long time since the Canucks have done that. So maybe this is a "gimme".
It better be, or the ghosts of that Chicago series are gonna come-a-haunting. Only this time, we only have a 2 game cushion.
Shoulda saved Manny for that emotional boost. Brought him back if we lost one....I'm tellin ya. Smart gamesmanship....Now what do the Canucks have for collective inspiration? Boston has a fallen teammate....the Canucks have?

xosmlxo

2 More Wins

Fuck it, I'm leaving Grapes up for another day. He thinks Vancouver's gonna win the Cup, so he deserves a 2-day reign as Champion of the Coughup Universe.

Apologies on the tardiness of this blog. As you probably guessed, I have been partying nonstop since Burrows scored 11 FUCKING SECONDS into overtime of game 2!!!!!! WOOOOO HOOOO!
What is that dudes deal?! Seriously?! He seems to ALWAYS come up big when his boys need him the most. It's unbelievable, and I mean that in a very literal sense. I literally can't believe what I'm seeing when he keeps scoring big goal, after big goal, after big goal. THEN, to make matters even more spine-tingling, he goes ahead and salutes his late buddy Luc Bourdon with a bow and arrow into the sky. Yikes, chills just thinking about it.
His story is one that I'd like to say is fit for Hollywood, but I almost think it isn't because it's literally too unbelievable, and too (potentially) picture perfect.
I would also like to point something else out about Mr. Burrows. Famous early on in his career for his "deer in the headlights" look in the camera during interviews, now he's pretty smooth behind the mic. BUT, BUT, listen to how often he says the word "obviously". It cracks me up, and is vital if you're to ever do an impression of Burrows around your buddies.
So what did we see in the game last night? We saw that Boston has the ability to score goals. Yes. I suddenly thought near the beginning of this game, "what if Boston doesn't score AT ALL in this series?", but alas, they did, and actually had the lead for a little while.
Daniel Sedin sent it to overtime, on a play that I thought Thomas almost got with his pad. That would've been the greatest save in the history of hockey, had he done that. What a nice camera shot of Daniel looking up to the heavens and crashing into a swarm of glass-protected Canucks fans. Love it.
Burrows doesn't know how to quit, and he leads by example in that way. I'm starting to think that no one on this Canucks team has any quit in them this year. I'm really believing some seriously fun celebrations are gonna go down here by next week's end. .......If yesterday was any indication, and if this morning was any indication, then put your party boots on. We're not stopping til October!!!! (that's when the new season will begin.)

xosmlxo

He's a BEAUTY!!

Loyal, loyal Leyzerites,

I'm dedicating today's blog to Grapes. Don Cherry. Grapes Al-fuckin-mighty. Canadian legend. God. Whatever you wanna call him. Mostly because I saw him downtown today, and he gave me his patented "thumbs up" sign, but also because he's the fucking man.

Look at that handsome face. What a beauty.
He was old today when I saw him. He didn't look unwell or anything like that, but I could tell he was knocking on 80's door. Healthy, charismatic, but old.
Funny how everyone ages right before our eyes, and we just don't notice it all the time. As far as I was concerned, Grapes has looked the same since I started watching him at Norman Hockey School in Flin Flon when I was like 8 years old. He started to rock a goatee, but other than that, I never really noticed a change. I wonder if it's like that with lots of people we see in our day-to-day lives, then we look at an old picture and think, "whoa! time flew by fast!"
I love Don Cherry. I went through a brief period of time in my mid-20's where I didn't like him, but I was shitfaced everytime I watched him, so naturally, I just disagreed with everything he said because, well, I was shitfaced. Now, almost everytime he speaks I think, "ya....you're right. Again. Grapes."
I dig a guy that speaks his opinion, albeit sometimes obnoxiously loud, but stands by what he says. He never backs down from a fight, he's romantic, and he loved his dog. He's got an infinite wisdom about the game of hockey, more than even, say, myself.
All of those things I love about him, but I mostly love how proud he is about being Canadian. Loud and proud. It's a bit stereotypically "American" to be loud and proud in regards to your patriotism, but damnit, it looks good on Grapes. about as good as a finely-tailored, custom-made suit. I think it could look good on more Canadians, too. I suppose it did look good on us last February during the Olympics. We all had a little Grapes in us for those 16 days, and that was fucking fun. Waving those Canadian flags around like maniacs.
I imagine there'll be some city pride of similar proportions if we get THREE MORE WINS here in Vancouver.
Glad Burrows wasn't suspended. I don't think it warranted one. Think about it: you drive a guys skull into boards at 50 km/h, and you get one game. You're really gonna give a guy a game suspension for biting down on another guys finger that is expertly and annoyingly placed inside buddy's mouth? naaah...come on, we're in the cup finals.
I bet Burrows has a game on Saturday. That whole first line, actually. Buhlee dat shit.
I texted a friend today this: How come Luongo hasn't been getting any buzz for the Conn Smythe? If he keeps playing as steady as he did in game 1, I think it's a foregone conclusion. Skeptics will keel over and die, for good!

xoxo, Grapes.

xosmlxo

ringringringringringringring....

BANANAPHONE!

Raffi "Bananaphone" Torres is the hero in game 1 of the 2011 Stanley Cup finals!!!! Remember that, people. let it sit in your cerebral database, because you will need it when you look back on this playoff run. When you reminisce over the memories.
Tonight's game was a little boring, no? We won, sure. Just a little boring. I found my mind wandering away from the game a bit, and got tired of watching players skate to the penalty box. Apparently Alex Burrows BIT someone? I saw this on twitter...how did I miss that?! Musta been with Bergeron at the end of the first period.
Also, thanks to twitter, I found out that Dan Hamhuis is "fine" and is listed as "day-to-day". PHEW! Without question he's our best defenseman. He doesn't score timely goals like Bieksa, he doesn't have a cannon for a shot like Ehrhoff or Salo, and he's not as physically dominant as Edler (Beautiful hipcheck tonight, though!!). But he's steady, responsible, and his beard is shockingly similar to mine. Both of us can't seem to grow anything on our cheeks. He's also had to deal with the burden of having a uni-brow, so we're basically like brothers. Both from the North, too.
So, we won a tight-checking game without the help of our most dependable defenseman for half the game. I like our chances in game 2.
We need to get WAY more quality shots on net, though. I can remember one scoring chance that Mason Raymond had in the second. There was 1 from each of the Canucks top 3 lines in their first shift. Other than that, though, besides the Torres goal, there wasn't much. Kesler's trying to walk through guys, the Sedins are being too cute, and suddenly, SUDDENLY, our fucking powerplay has gone to shit!
We must get a powerplay goal next game. Have to.
Luongo was equal to the task in the battle of the goalies. he recorded a shutout, and Thomas didn't. I still think Thomas was better, but Luongo was Steady Eddy.
Our best line, in terms of executing a gameplan ,was the 3rd line, no doubt. Kept the puck in deep on most shifts, outskated the fuck out of the slower Bruins squad, and hit everything in sight. Loved the effort tonight, Hansen, Torres and Lapierre.
Torres has been "as advertised". Risk vs Reward. He almost cost the Canucks dearly in round 1, but it's paid off having him since the Canucks went deep in this playoffs.
Also, if the Canucks win the cup, my vote for the Conn Smythe is Mike Gillis.
Leafs suck. Don't sign with them, Bieksa. Stay in Vancouver. The only thing worse than playing for the Leafs is living in Toronto and having to cheer for the Leafs.
I hope game 2 is more exciting for the complete 60 minutes!

xosmlxo

Christmas Eve

That's how I feel, Leyzertons. I will not sleep tonight.

So, I'm back in town. Away from the Sunshine Coast, and I gotta say something. Something to you, Vancouver. Thank you for rolling out the red carpet for my black ass! I roll out of the ferry, the sun's shining, hot babes are texting me, David Pratt's on the radio being as cynical as ever regarding the long wait for the Cup to start. Just perfect.
First off, BEFORE I give you my....*voice suddenly gets caught in throat* my final prediction *cough cough, back to normal voice*, I first want to talk about the most glorious day in my home provinces history since the Battle of Seven Oaks! (pick up a Canadian history book, dummies) NHL HOCKEY IS BACK IN MANITOBA!!!!!! YESSSSSS!!!! USA -23, Canada - 7.
For those skeptics out there, instead of dwelling on the fact that the franchise failed the first time around, and that nothing or nobody deserves a second chance, and that once you lose something it's best to just leave it alone and never try again, why not just be happy that a great (albeit, a kind of ugly) city that loves hockey, and produces some excellent, world class hockey stars, gets a relevant team to cheer for again. It's a GOOD thing. It'll work this time. What if Thomas Edison was like, "ah fuck it. this lightbulb shit won't work"? I'll tell ya what! You'd be blind as fuck, all fucking day long. I will hear NONE of your skepticism, people. ZERO.
As for the name, my sources are saying that...wait for it...wait for it...they won't be called the Jets. The NHL owns the rights to the name "Winnipeg Jets", so the new ownership group would have to pay a price to get the name. David Thompson (the new owner) could probably afford it, since he's in the top 20 richest men in the world category. But, I think I'm okay with a fresh start. I'm down with that. I'm not down with taking the Manitoba Moose name. That's boring. The best suggestion I've heard is a shout-out to Manitoba's rich history and the great Manitoba Métis hero Louis Riel, and calling them the Manitoba Rebels. mmmm mmmm, that sounds nice.
I'm hearing they'll be called the Manitoba Falcons, though. Isn't that what the old Atlanta Thrashers logo is? A cartoon falcon? Go with a fresh start, if you can't use the Jets anymore.
They should draft a Manitoba kid with their pick in the draft this year. Just saying. It'll add excitement to a team that doesn't have a lot of potential stars. Evander Kane, maybe. Their goalie is good, too.
Now.
The Prediction. Canucks in 4. Sweep.
Possible? fuckinrights. Probable? not really. Bold. uh huh. Magical? Yes.
Do this years Canucks have a magical element to them? Idunno, you tell me. Go downtown tomorrow at about 4:45. See if you see people filled with excitement and adrenaline. See if you see people with smiles on their faces. Then watch the game. Watch the Sedins pass, Kesler battle, the 3rd line hit, the defense go unnoticeable until they jump into the rush. Luongo answer the bell.
Then make up your mind.
See you on the streets.

xosmlxo

comin' home

Big Bad Beetle Borgs,

Hello! Long time, no speak! I took a few days off. I was stressed out on my business trip, so there. I admit it, I get stressed out sometimes. I am not perfect.  Many of you will never understand what it is like to work for 12 hours a day in a hazardous environment, but many of you do understand that. I understand it, because I am doing it. That's just the kind of man I am. My collar is blue. My testicles are massive.
Over the last few days, I have been able to do a lot of thinking. Mostly about the Stanley Cup, but other things too. I thought about getting a tattoo on my forearm of a poorly-drawn demon so I could fit in with "the boys". I also thought about growing a foot to fit in with "the boys". I thought of referring to a non-existent girlfriend as `the ollady``. Buying a Harley on a whim. Participating in a Lumberjack competition (those exist, by the way. and they`re televised).
I also read some incredible magazine articles. Check out the Gentlemen`s Quarterly with Zak Galafianakis on it and read the story about the 3 island boys and their tale of survival. It`s fucking unbelievable. 51 days stranded in the middle of the pacific ocean with nothing but a bottle of vodka and a dozen coconuts. Just read it, I`m sure you can look it up online. It`s a good read.
Read something about boredom, and how it`s good for humans to be bored, or a certain type of boredom is, because it`ll eventually propel us into action. I am a person who HATES to be bored, therefore I rarely am. I like being bored for about one section of a day over the course of the week. This meaning I like to do absolutely nothing for an afternoon on a Sunday, for example. What I got from this article is basically, if you`re bored all the time, you suck, but eventually your brain or body will make you snap out of it somehow and you`ll end up curing that boredom. Likely with drug abuse, heavy masturbation, or Jersey Shore marathons. So don`t get bored, or you`ll die.
Speaking of Jersey Shore, while in Sechelt, I got a sense that I was in a reality show. I`d sit in the pub across from my hotel, and every person in there knew each other. The ladies all tanned WAY too much, and all the dudes clearly took steroids. I was just waiting for 2 of these broads to scrap it out in the parking lot, or for 2 of the dudes to slap each other and hide behind their crew. Lucky for I, Me left before it got to that point. Didn`t see any smooshing either.
Beautiful place, Sechelt is. Same with Gibsons. When it`s sunny, it`s utopia.
I`m not gonna give you my pick for the finals yet, although I`m sure you can guess who I think will win. I`m also not gonna talk about Manny Malhotra coming back, because I already talked about that weeks ago, and said that he`d play and, well. Ya. He`s gonna play.
I almost cried watching his interview yesterday. Like a dude watching `Brian`s Song`.
What I am gonna do, though, is tell you how Boston might be able to beat Vancouver....if I do in fact choose Vancouver to win the cup.
1. Tim Thomas is capable of stealing games. He could steal 4.
2. Daniel and Henrik haven`t played well against a `shutdown duo`. Seabrook and Keith in round 1, Weber and Suter in round 2. Now they have Chara and Seidenberg to deal with. Hopefully they carry their momentum from the flogging they flogged on the sharks, and the Big Zidiot and his right-hand man will be a small obstacle.
3. Boston has big forwards. Big, mean sons-of-bitches. They hit hard. Harder than anyone the Canucks played this playoffs. Think Ben Eager, but with a little more skill. Real hockey player`s hockey players. This could pose real problems for the Canucks strong defense corps. They`ve been so strong so far, and when Rome or Ehrhoff falls, Ballard or Tanev pick up the slack. But what if Bieksa or Hamhuis gets pasted into the boards? Can Sami Salo or Alex Edler be a horse on the backend?
5. If Kesler`s tank is empty.
Don`t get me started on the Conspiracy Theory that Gary Bettman hates Vancouver and Canada and will make sure that Vancouver won`t win the Stanley Cup and that Boston will because it`s a `sexy` market and good for the league. Fuck that, it`s hogwash, and conspiracy rheories in general are just fucking stupid. I read an article on conspiracy theories and how they`re fucking stupid, too, so I`m not the only one that hates them. The guy was saying how they`ve ruined society and nobody trusts anybody. It`s a little much, because there are a bunch of other variables that go into why no one trusts anyone, but he`s right. ugh, I just want to slap people that waste my time telling me that Cobain was murdered. Or JFK was an assisted suicide. SHUT UP.
I also read an interview with Werner Herzog. He`s one crazy, yet pretty enlightening fellow. I guess thats what makes him Werner Herzog. Anyhoo, Buddy said that he thinks Psychology is one of the great tragedies of the last century. Everyone`s gotta know everything about themselves and why they are the way they are. I kind of agree with him. It`d be boring to have all the answers.
Prediction tomorrow. Good talking to you.

I saw a dude with a green mustache and a blue goatee the other day. And I thought my playoff beard ruled.

xosmlxo

Welcome to Sechelt, Leyzer!

Greetings. Earthlings. We Aw Now Takeen Ova Yo Radio-oh-oh-hi hit em high hit em high hit em high, you hit em low hit em low hit em low hit em low!
- Some dude, I think from Cypress Hill, from the Space Jam soundtrack.
Good in the dressing room....when I was 8.
Anyhoo, I'm on the road for the next week, in a little town called Sechelt, BC. I know what you're all thinking: Yes, I'm right beside the ocean. Yes, I can hear waves crashing against the shore. Yes, I'm typing this without clothes on. Yes, it took me all day to get my wireless connection working.
Funny thing I have always noticed about small towns, but have never articulated (or rather, had the words to articulate it). Coming from a small town, I would always notice how "at home" I would feel when I would get back to Flin Flon as a youngster. "Home again Home again, Jiggidy Jig". A little sigh of relief in my belly. But, if I go into any other smalltown, I always feel like a complete alien. Everyone looks at me funny. I guess they do this because it's almost certain it's the first time they're laying eyes on me, but it's just a little off-putting. Like I'm intruding, and fucking up the day-to-day that everyone goes through. Smalltown folks seem uber-observant, but uber-bored.
But, on the flipside of my fear of being outed as a city-dwelling monster, at least people actually look you in the eye in a smalltown. No one's in a rush here. They take 5 seconds to make contact with you, even if it they find you a little weird and out-of-place. Some walked by and said hi, as if they were welcoming me.
So I guess home is where you make it. I guess I'm not a "smalltown guy" like I thought I was. Or maybe we're all "smalltown guys" and we just make our own little smalltowns, even if it's in a big city. I don't fucking know. Leave me alone, I'm in the middle of nowhere and Black Label Society's "Hangover Music" album just came on on my laptop. Cut me some slack.
Also, cut me some slack because there's no hockey on today, so there's not much to talk about. Still openly smile in public when I hear John Shorthouse's call of the Bieksa goal (could be why some Secheltians gave me the stink-eye), still loving where the Canucks are. I am taking this time away to really allow myself to reflect on the last 3 series, and all the good moments that have came as a result of this team of...dare I say it....DESTINY!
And I'm not talking hoops (basketball for you white folks) either, because I don't want to lose my audience. Listening to me talking basketball would be like listening to the sportscasters on TEAM 1040 talk about movies.
"I still haven't seen that Black Duck movie."
"Black Swan, you mean. It's great! You gotta see it Dave!"
"ahhhh...I'm not watching that. there's no story to it!"
Or something along those lines.
So no one wants to go through that with me and basketball.
This Black Label Society album is absolutely KILLING ME! No wonder hangovers are paralyzing, listening to this all day. It's so damn sad! manly as fuck, but sad!!
Is there anyone on earth that doesn't like the song "Fast Car" by Tracy Chapman? and if so, why are they still alive? same goes for "Romeo and Juliet" by the dire Straits. You have no soul if you don't like those songs.
Will my job require me to shave my beard tomorrow? if I'm working in a pulp mill? Probably. That's okay. I'm alright with letting go of it, although I think it's somehow made me cooler. I'm confident in the Canucks. They don't need my superstition. Or at least they don't need that one. I still have a few others.
The Cup final starts Wednesday! WOOOOO! I will only be out of the city for game 1! I had fears of missing all the fun/agony of the finals. Not so! I'll be back soon enough, Vancouver!
I find it strange that I miss Vancouver. I guess it's my "smalltown" now. I guess that's not a bad thing, either. It is what it is. I have made a city my home.
Goodnight All, I have reading to do. Yes. I can read.

xosmlxo

That is not how the East was won,

Boston. Losers.

What's up Love,

How bout that picture up there, eh? Remember that show? ugh. Just tacky family PG drama. You know what's funny? as I looked for a picture of the famous Camden family on the world wide web, a barrage of pics came up. And what's funny is, the youngest daughter ended up being the best looking one of the bunch! and she was sort of a tom-boyish little thing. What was her name again? Oh ya, Ruthy. Just came to me
*takes 7th Heaven poster off his wall, in case anyone sees it*
Seriously though, she's a pretty little thing now. Sorry Jessica Biel worshippers, she's just a bit big for me. Like she might beat me in an arm wrestle, and I'm a pretty strapping lad.
I also noticed in a picture that came up, that someone married the little shithead brother near the end of the series. Like anyone cares.

Keep playing Tampa and Boston. Play as long as you like in game 7. Wear yourselves thin. Let your aging goalies tear their groins. Let Teddy Purcell, Sean Bergenheim and Steve Downie show that they're just getting lucky this playoffs, and they're not as good as we're giving them credit for. Let Thomas Kaberle get booed  some more.
Sidenote: A drunken native man on the bus told me he used to play hockey against Milan Lucic. This dude had more greys in his beard than Dwayne Roloson. Milan, the Eastvan boy, hasn't even kicked 25's door down yet. What did Homie take me for? A gullable muhfucka, that's what. I smiled and nodded because I'll talk hockey with just about anyone, as long as they don't try to argue with me when I know I'm right.
I'm getting bored of talking about how awesome Martin St. Louis is, so Boston better win game 7. They better win so that I can get really ugly in this blog again. My hatred for Boston is large. My love for Vancouver is large. When those forces collide, it makes for things I wished I never said, broken dinner plates, divorce lawyers, and disturbed neighbours. And, since all 'yall are a bunch of drama fiends, you'll soak up all my literary vomit. because you need it. To survive. Or so you THINK! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
...and we'll all be better because of it. We all wanna see Boston and Vancouver, don't we? It so much more than Tampa. They don't even have winter in Tampa, and damnit, they've already won a cup this century! Let 2 teams that haven't won in about 40 years battle it out. I love ya, Marty, but let someone else play in June.
I'm going on the road for 8 days. I am hoping it's somewhat peaceful. I would like to fish.

xosmlxo

That was how the west was won.

Leyzerbombs,

Un.Fucking.Believable.

I seriously think I blacked out after Kesler scored in the dying seconds of the third to force OT. I definitely had a serious case of "protective mother strength", that's for sure.
By the time Bieksa put the puck in the net, I just fell over. I had had enough.
*eats 10 rolaids*
Roberto Luongo was, without a doubt, the best player in this game. If you doubt Lu (as I have in the past), just know now that he's locked in. He's gonna be sharp for the rest of the playoffs. I will go out of my way to GUARANTEE that.
I hope you all remember that I picked the Canucks to dispose of the Sharks in 5 games. Just remember that. My cup prediction will be coming very shortly.
Man the city is ALIVE  tonight, eh! Honking horns, morons waving flags on road dividers, people young and old, just celebrating like their lives depend on it!
*HONK HONK HONKHONKHONKHONK!!!!!!*
This is all a bit surreal at the moment. THE CANUCKS ARE GOING TO THE FINALS! FINALLY! They have passed every test thrown their way this year!
Now...just one more. One more series. Four more wins, and that's it.
Let it also be known, that I am naming my first born child, Bieksa Leydon. Hopefully it's a girl, because it kind of sounds nice. It's a bit of a girly last name, but a giant of a dude carries it with pride. and he's a legend now. There's no doubt about it. He's "forever a Canuck". Not to be disputed.
I realize, that the above declaration may be a bit much, so maybe I'll settle for naming a pet that instead. Or just legally change my own name to Bieksa. We'll see.
Also, let it be known that the above picture was taken in 1994, the last time the Canucks were in the finals. Know that they didn't win. So that kind of exhaustion that is being shown on Trevor Linden's face is what it takes to lose the Cup. Imagine how hard you have to work to win? Imagine how much more blood needs to be spilled on your jersey?
I look back to my childhood tonight, and think of dreaming of playing in the Stanley Cup. Lord knows that didn't turn out as planned, so fuck it. I'll take this as a close second. I'm living in a city that has a chance to win the Cup. Un. Fucking. Believable.
I need to lay in my bed now, and try to calm down, and try to erase the memory of the number of terrible commercials there are on CBC broadcasts.
Goodnight all.
See you soon Boston.

xosmlxo

Back on track.

Hey Sexmachines,

Sorry for the lackluster performance over the weekend. You know how it is - sometimes people do more than just watch hockey all the time. I am one of those people, believe it or not. I have a brain, and a body, and a soul, and these things need to be put to use sometimes. I can't just sit around like a mindless idiot, dissecting a game with a bunch of overgrown Canadians slapping a black disc around a sheet of ice. I can't just do that all the time. Some of the time, ya. There is a time and a place for everything, and I put some priorities over hockey this weekend. I'd like to promise that I'll never do such a thing to all y'all again, but I will make no such promise. You just never know, right?
Cool. Well, I did allot some time to be a mindless idiot today. I watched the game.
And you know what? I really thought Tampa was gonna win this series. I think they're a better team, still. I really do, and I want them to win strictly based on the fact that I just like the players on their team alot more. Love St. Louis, the resurgence of Lecavalier, the coming out of their blue-collar workhorses, and Guy Boucher is the most entertaining coach in hockey (Sorry, John Tortorella. You gotta be coaching a good team to make the cut.)
But now, I mean, I can't really bet against Boston. They're one win away. Thanks to Tim Thomas. Goes with the Mark Messier-guarantee for the game tonight! ballsy move, and it paid off and he was great tonight.
But now, with both Boston and Vancouver just ONE win away from playing each other in the Cup Final, I want Boston to win just so the Canucks can play them, and BEAT them! And here's why:
couple things: first, Boston's powerplay is TERRIBLE. I'm not even gonna rip Thomas Kaberle like everyone else in the hockey world is doing, because my heart couldn't take bullying a guy like that. A guy that has been that big of a flop. It's painful to watch him on the powerplay, skate the puck to the blue line, dump it in, only to have a Lightning defenseman pick it up off the boards and send it back down the other way. Granted, Tampa's penalty kill has been a huge story in this playoffs, and they've been near-perfect. But let us not all blame the ex-Leaf (as fun as that is to do. fucking Leafs), and let us remember that hockey is a team sport, and it takes all 5 skaters to score on a powerplay.
So I say, bring on those fucking Bruins, let them take penalties all series long, and let them be introduced to Mason Raymond, Jannik Hansen, Ryan Kesler and Alex Burrows. Let the penalty killers from Vancouver get chances like they have all playoffs-long, and let that be one of the differences in the outcome of the finals. Mmmmm I would just love to see that.
the other reason I want to see a Vancouver-Boston final is this. One of the themes of this playoff run for the Canucks has been "slaying demons". Chicago, getting Luongo out of the second round, Luongo winning in San Jose, proving the Sedins are invaluable in the playoffs, proving Kesler and Burrows can play in the playoffs too, proving Sami Salo can play more than a playoff series without having his arm amputated. All these things have happened, and proved the typically cynical Canucks fan wrong (myself included...especially regarding Luongo and the Sedins)....
So, a quick history lesson for you all. Known in many sports fans minds as "the worst trade in history", The Canucks traded a young, tough forward named Cam Neely to Boston for a 1st round draft pick (that ended up being Glen Wesley...a damn good defenseman for 20 years in the NHL) and Barry Pederson. Barry Pederson ended up not turning out to be a star, but the young guy from Maple Ridge named Cam Neely sure as hell did. He became one of the best power forwards of all time in Boston, had 3 50 goal seasons, and would've had WAY more points if not for having hip replacement surgery. After his playing days were long over, he took up a position in the Bruins front office, and now, he's the president of the club.
So if this years Canucks are slaying demons, why not slay one more in the finals? make up for the biggest fuckup in the club's history, and put all the 40 years of mediocrity behind them?
I say yes, Kick C-bass's ass.
peace.

xosmlxo

So Close...

I can feel it in my loins. The city is 1 win away from a mass big "O". BIIIIIIG fawkin win today.
The old hockey saying, "You're never in trouble til you lose one at home" hopefully applies to those damn Sharks!
Can we PLEASE close this one out on home ice this time? Not like the last series where I was all prepped to go apeshit down Granville St. with all the Crazies. please!?!? I hope beyond hope for that to happen. Only this time, it'll be bigger than the celebration I thought would happen if we beat Nashville. MUCH MUCH bigger. It'll bring buildings to the ground. It'll set my hair on fire. My pubes, even! It could be dangerous, but, just like everytime you set your pubes on fire, the outcome will always end in utter elation.
I think that the story was pretty clear in this game. 2 teams played hockey in Northern California. Both teams had periods where they were horribly undisciplined (although, me being the "homer" that I am, I thought most of the calls against Vancouver were a bit embellished), both teams had their chances on the man-advantage. San Jose had their crack at it first, and they didn't capitalize. In fact, the Canucks penalty killers looked to be more dangerous out there than the Sharks PP! Then came the Canucks turn to play with the man-advantage. Boom. Boom. Boom. 3 goals on the man-advantage. BOOM! SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE THE ROOM! BOOM SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE THE ROOM...TICK TICK TICK TICK BOOM! Game over.
It came down to special teams. We flourished, they fuckedup.
So fuck em. Fuck their half-assed comeback near the end, it was never gonna be enough.
Fuck RyanE Clowe for punching Ryan Kesler in the grill.
Actually, fuck Ryan Kesler for falling down like a bitch, too. The games over, you're not gonna draw a penalty, be a man and take the punch, or take a swing back.
Praise Sami Salo's bomb from the back-end. The above picture is what we're used to seeing Sami look like. A history of injury that would make Mickey Rourke in "The Wrestler" weep and beg for his daughter's love. Oh wait, he already did that. Bitch ass.
Kidding, that movie rules and so does Mickey Rourke, and so does begging for shit if you really need it. Well, it doesn't rule, but I think it's effective.
Whatever, I'm rambling. Let's enjoy the sweet taste of victory in our mouths today, and hope we can finish this off and go to our first Cup in 17 years! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!

xosmlxo

Today

Was a busy day for me. I had no time to watch hockey. No time to be witty and vulgar at the same time. My apologies. Go Canucks. Have a splendid long weekend, ALL!

xosmlxo

When you kick as much ass as I do...

You don't need originality to be cool. You don't, trust me on this one. I could keep that Bieksallent sweater up for years and still be worshipped throughout Canucks/Leyzer Nation. The only people receiving more praise for their recent efforts are Barack Obama, Kevin Bieksallent himself, and the lady that flashed her boobs at Ben Eager in the penalty box today.
Let's start off with what, surely, everyone will be talking about after tonight's dirty beating: the boobs. It happened, seriously. Youtube that shit. Girl just walks up to the penalty box when Eager's sitting in there, and whips them out! Thanks, anonymous girl. Thanks alot. Now there's gonna be girls flashing their breasts all over the city. You've started a revolution, and if there's one thing I know for certain, it's that nobody likes a revolutionary. You don't see people rocking Ché Guevara shirts, now do you? Shame on you. I'm sure there will be tonnes of Vancouverites that feel the same way as I do about your actions.
Kidding. I say go for it. The more boobs, the better during this Cup run. fuck it, everyone just get buck-ass naked and go bananas! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
So, I decided (along with a friend) that we should start a Kevin Bieksa Fan Club. Feel free to ask me for more details. The only thing I know for sure is that you must love Kevin Bieksa more than you love your Grandmother, and you must refer to all members, including Kevin Himself, and "Your Bieksallency". That's all I have for now.
Good on him for fighting Marleau tonight. Marleau sticked him in the groin. That's enough to send any man into a frenzy, but not Bieksallent. Nope. He was a perfect gentleman, and waited for Marleau (not a fighter by any means) to drop his gloves first, throw the first punch, and then proceeded to whoop his Saskatchewan ass. I must say, it was a gutsy move on Marleau's part, and it definitely lit a fire under his teams ass, but the fire just turned them all into a bunch of morons. Not the outcome he wanted, I'm sure. Especially because he took such a smooth beating out there, and his teammates didn't repay him with any offensive output. What is it about a hockey fight that just makes a guy wanna knock some heads around? Is it just me? I'm all aggressive and ready to throw DOWN right now? Who wants some? Fuck it, I'll fight you Ben Eager, I don't care if you're related to me. I only met you once, anyhow. I'll fight you. Fuck it, I'll fight drunken hate-mailers too.
*bashes head against the wall*
*rips out his 2 front teeth with his bare hands*
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! BIG FUCKING WIN TONIGHT!
Convincing. Balanced. Disciplined. "Rome"antic. Bieksallent.
Is Bieksa hearing whispers about a Conn Smythe trophy now? I hope so. He's a close second to Kesler now, in my expert opinion. He's scoring the big goals, he's sound as fuck defensively, he melting dude's faces. He lacks a mustache. What more can you aks for?!?!?!
The 3rd line was great, AGAIN! The Sedins got to show off their wizardry AGAIN! Luongo was solid, AGAIN, PEOPLE! YES!!!!!
Word to Ryan Clowe: Max Lapierre never fights anyone. He's a coward. an effective hockey player, but a coward. Try fighting someone else.
My only concern is this: You've pissed off an excellent team, Vancouver. They're PISSED! Now they have 48 hours to harness that anger and use it constructively. They got embarassed. We might see a different, faster, even meaner San Jose squad on Friday. Can we match it? You bet your Bieksallence we can.

xosmlxo

game 2 in Boston!

Sweetnesses,

When asked, "Why the fuck haven't you started young Seguin since the first series when an inferior Canadiens team was whooping your ass?", Claude Julien gave this response:

^^^^^^SEE ABOVE PICTURE^^^^^^^^

and that was it. Foolish.
Seriously, when are coaches going to get it?! It's just common sense, actually. There's nothing to get. When you have a player that is arguably the most talented forward you have in your system that is actually healthy, YOU PLAY HIM! Just get him out there! What are you waiting for?! The goals that boy scored tonight were dynamite, and it just throws a huge kick in the nuts to the Tampa coaching staff now, because they have another weapon to defend against.
Sweet Under Armour commercial, too Tyler. I'm wondering when I'm gonna get mine? Soon, likely. Very soon. Seriously!!I look decent in sleeveless nylon workout clothing, it's not unbearable to see!
The goalies were godawful tonight, even though Timmy-T made some remarkable saves. He looked like his gongshow style of play was working against him tonight, and he's got a wicked playoff beard, so I think Bruins fans (I hate you all) should forgive him at least for tonight.
just find room to keep Seguin in for game 3, Claude Julien. If not, you should be stoned. Then fired. Then let Cam Neely have his way with you. Let him play, if for nothing else, to allow me to get maximum enjoyment out of watching a series that 2 teams I don't really like are involved in. Nothing irks my shit more than seeing Boston win, but I'll allow it if it means extending the series into a marathon and if it means I get to watch Seguin light the lamp all night.
Stamkos's snipe was retarded. Not retarded like Julien, but retarded like good, ya? you undorshtand meeee?! :D!!
I love the Manny Malhotra mystery, too. It's genius gamesmanship by Vancouver. They dangle out this little trick they have in their backpocket, let San Jose ALMOST see the illusion, then pull it back behind their back at the last second. I would bet that Manny could play ASAP, but they'll wait until they need him. Til they really need him. Just keep dangling the little trick in front of coaching staffs, and drive them up the fucking wall trying to strategize on how to beat the team.
Should be a helluva game tomorrow. Hopefully its similar to the one tonight, because that was a wild one!

xosmlxo

Can you FEEEEEEL that?!

Yes you can, Leyzerites.
Yes. You. Can.
mmm mmm it feels good. Feels good to be in Vancouver right now, doesn't it? The weather isn't perfect, it's not as warm as it should be, and the cherry blossoms are all starting to shed their pink. I say, "WHO GIVES A TURD!?" to that!
Today was strange, no? Did anyone else observe what was going on? You could literally feel a wave of happiness over the city today. It was strange. It's Monday for fuck sakes. That shit should NOT be happenin! I should've gotten honked at on Knight St., sworn at by a dirty old contractor, slapped by a lady and children should've been crying at every corner. Isn't that what Mondays are all about?
Thanks to the victory last night, such was not the case. I was literally working on an old hotel downtown, loaded with the gruffest, most haggard dudes on the planet (I fit in quite nicely. I've learned. I adapt to my surroundings), and all I got was handshakes, "yup, absolutely, that sounds great my friend"'s, and "fuckin Canucks, eh?" in a tone beyond optimistic. Great stuff, and not what I'm used to at all.
Radio broadcasters were happy, lacked cynicism, I bet Glen Healy even said something nice about someone today. Ah, probably not.
I saw an Asian man, who looked to be 17000 year old, give a high five to a young Hispanic boy on the bus today. Kid's mom was sitting beside him. She was not nervous, the boy was happier than a pig in shit to give him a high five, and they all smiled.
I saw, on the same bus ride, two old obese Indian women, beautifully dressed in their robes (forgive the ignorance as to what they're actually called), give each other friendly punches to the arm, and laugh as their nose rings sparkled in a brief moment of sunshine. FRIENDLY PUNCHES TO THE ARM BY SENIOR CITIZENS!!!!!
Okay, let's admit it. We've all been taking bong rips off Snoop's. No? Well, I'm sure some of you have. Some of you may be right now. You may be stuffing your faces, and laughing your asses off.
That is the only option I can think of, other than the obvious. That the Canucks of 2011 are a magical team. That their memory will be with the people that are swept up in the "whirlwind" of this spring for a very long time, even if they don't win the cup. That people playing a sport because they love it, working so hard to fight for every millimetre on the ice is inspiring. It makes us believe in the power of one's heart. That the guys that actually play for the Canucks, are willing to take on the weight of a whole city (I thought about making an attack on all the people who aren't on the bandwagon, but do I really think they're reading this? No. They're watching Fox news. Or littering.), because they feel it's importance to every little fan, and they want the feeling of letting people live and dream through them. I think most athletes are a special lot. They have an enormous amount of pressure. They have to make a million people happy, or they're hated. These Canucks are a special lot. Even Raffi Torres. He played well last night. Crazy little Tazmanian Devil, damn it, I love ya, despite our history. fuck it. *bro hug* *knuckles*
So there ya have it. If you walked by me on the street, and you were just torched out of your mind, thanks for the smile anyways. If you are high on Canucks, thanks even more.
Hopefully I will have something to bitch about in the East final tomorrow! I'm sure I will!!! That's right, Bruins powerplay, i'm comin for ya....wait till tomorrow. ohhhh yes!

xosmlxo!

1 down, 3 to go!

MUTHAFUCKAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

BEEEEYAW! BYAW! We're goin' ya Delaware! We're going to Vancouver BEEYAW!
That's 1 Canucks fans!
But don't put too much stock into just this one victory. I just heard a stat saying the Canucks haven't lost a game one of a playoff series in 4 years. And we still haven't seen a Stanley Cup parade here, so, ya. Let's take it for what it is - 1 victory. Let's be happy, and hope we take both games at home again.
I would also like to say that I would like to thank God for giving the man that made the jersey above a life. I'm a bit jealous, because I wanted the very-same jersey but I'm just too damn busy writing this damn blog to go out and find the time to accomplish my #1 dream in life - to buy a jersey that says "Bieksallent" on it. What can I say? I'm completely selfish and willing to give all of myself to the leagues and leagues of readers every night (EXCEPT WHEN THE SITE DOES MAINTENANCE!). I'm just a good dude like that.
Couldn't be happier to see Boomboom Bieksallent score tonight, and what a tasty dish he got, eh? I love it when Bieksa scored, it's like he's being rewarded for being such a Mr. Canuck everytime he pots one. That's how I feel anyways. No one's put up with more criticism, and strangely enough, s team)quite like him.  Canuck culture (on this team)quite like him. It's a love-hate relationship between him and the city, but it's been all love this year, and for me personally, even more love in the playoffs. He's beginning to fit into the pants Kesler's wearing these days, in that he's becoming a legend I think. IF Vancouver wins the cup, he'll be one of the guys - the Trevor's, Pavel's, Kirk's that people will talk about.
HEY! Maybe Danny and Hank will too! Who was CBC's first star tonight? yuh huh! Hank! You just know that the rest of the teams left were thinking, "come on...just lay a stinker like you've been doing all playoffs, Twins...."well, sorry mutherfuckers! NOT HAPPENING! The Brothers Sedin are about to break out and lay a smooth, pretty beating on San Jose's nameless defense. I think. I hope. I dream about.
Niemi was fabulous tonight. Thornton's officially a gamer now, too. Even if San Jose doesn't get by Vancouver, even though they definitely still can. Enough of the "not a playoff performer" bullshit. The label has been dropped, for me anyways.
How did Vancouver NOT score on that wild scrum in the first period. Seriously, I could've buried that. No I couldn't have. Nevermind.
Goodnight All. Sleep Well. Kiss your Leyzer cardboard cutout under your bed before bed, if you're awesome enough to have one.

xosmlxo

Joo Guyss Wanna Play Roff?

OKAY!  I'M RELOADED!!!!!!!

If you haven't already watched the new Lonely Island video, do it now. It's called "Jack Sparrow" featuring MICHAEL BOLTON!!! YES! MICHAEL BOLTON! The one and only, the sexiest man alive, the coolest cat in the universe, the singer of my alarm in the morning and the voice in my head when I make love. Mike B.
Notice the resemblance between Antionio Montana and Guy Boucher? Not only do they both have bad ass scars on their faces, but they both migrated to Florida to become legends. It's only a matter of time before Guy balls Michelle Pfeiffer and buries his face in a mound of cocaine...okay, let's face it, he's been there, done that. He's the man of the hour, and his team got the first win in the conference finals this year after a very convincing victory.
I kind of had a feeling that one of those teams would fall asleep in the first game or two of the series, simply because of the amount of time they had off. So it would come down to who had the better coach, and the better leadership group to get the team up for the game tonight. Obviously Tampa won that battle, and an important battle that is in the playoffs. It's the man behind the bench and the grizzled veterans that will keep a teams young guys focused. Tampa's got that good group of guys playing that have been there before. They know how to win.
So Boston fell asleep for about 5 minutes, and lost the game right then and there. I can't believe Hall scored that goal. It was BEAUTIFUL! How does a guy just pull one out of his ass like that?! I wonder if he's about to catch fire and go on a run here - strange shit like that always happens in the playoffs, i'm tellin ya!
Not having Patrice Bergeron really hurt Boston tonight, but if there was just some way they could keep Tyler Seguin and him in the lineup when he returns, I think they'd be in a lot better shape going forward. He's a talented young guy, and he scored one helluva goal tonight.
We have a big day here in Vancouver tomorrow. Sleep well, People.

xosmlxo

and then there were four.

Well Leyzerites,

We're gettin' down to the nitty gritty now, aren't we? Uh huh, yes indeedy we are. mmm mmm, more hockey is right around the corner! Starting TOMORROW!
Now there are less predictions to make, so my normally long "prediction issues" will be much shorter for the next few round. umm...obviously...I think I should just get right to it!

(3) BOSTON .vs. (5) TAMPA BAY
No one expected Tampa Bay to get as far as they have so far, at least no one with half a fucking brain. No one thought that Steve Downie, Sean Bergenheim, Teddy Purcell, Dominic Moore and Victor Hedman would be playing the way they've played so far. Sure, we expected it from St. Louis, Stamkos and Lecavalier (we expect it with Lecavalier, but are frequently disappointed with his effort. Not anymore.) They came out of nowhere and knocked off the 2 teams that Montreal knocked off last year to get to the conference final. Montreal played a big, tough powerhouse in that conference final last year - the Philadelphia Flyers. Tampa plays a big, tough powerhouse this year in the conference finals - the Boston Bruins. Are we now expecting those role players on the Lightning to play the way they've been playing night in  night out ALL THE TIME? Don't be.  I'm saying that the luck of the lightning is running out this round, although I wouldn't be losing any sleep if they did beat Boston in 6 game. But, I'm looking at Bruins goalie Tim Thomas, and I'm just seeing him making a bunch of game-saving stops. I'm looking at Zdeno Chara (who isn't sick anymore like he was against the Habs) and I'm seeing a huge coke-drinking Slovak with ice in his veins - He should be in a movie as a villain, like a James Bond film or something. I'm looking at their forward lines, and noticing that Milan Lucic broke out of his slump last series, and that all 4 lines are playing typical Bruins hockey - it's fast, it's tough as nails, and it results in a lot of offense. I'm gonna say the Bruins in 6, and give Tampa Bay a game for every one that Patrice Bergeron is supposed to miss this series.
Patrice Bergeron = my generation's Olympic Rob Zamuner. If you know what I'm saying, you'll laugh. If not, ah well. I see you've spent your last 15 or so years with more important things than remembering who plays on Canadian olympic teams. Good on ya, I could use some of that. Pass it down! Don't hog it all!

okay...
(1) VANCOUVER .vs. (2) SAN JOSE
The two top seeds in the west clash!!! The way it was supposed to be! That seems like it NEVER happens, eh?
These are 2 teams that are evenly matched. 2 Manic goalies. Can save the game for you, or totally blow it. Niemi seems like he's a bit more calm (okay, ALOT more calm) than Luongo, he just randomly decides to let everything past him. Yes! Do more of that, Mr. Niemi. NO MORE CUP RINGS FOR YOU, OKAY?!
Both teams are SO, SO talented up front. Fast, creative, deep. I love it. It's as star-studded a line up as Warren Beatty's headboard. you're not gonna see this much offensive ability in any other series in the NHL playoffs. It should be a beautiful sight to behold. Both teams have star forwards that have been hated on considerably by both media-types and hardcore fans alike. I hate to say it, but San Jose might have the advantage in the forward department, strictly based on their size and strength. That's just based on logic, but I think we all know that size and strength doesn't matter a whole lot in the playoffs. It's determination that'll win you the battle. So fuck what I said, it don't mean shit now, fuck the presents may as well throw them out. We're even up front.
Advantage Vancouver on the defensive front. We're deeper and more gifted. They have a number 1 defenseman in Dan Boyle, and a bunch of Suitcases. the Suitcases have exceeded exceptations, though. I mean, they've gotten this far, haven't they? Often that's the case, too. You see these Jabroni defensemen just play their sacks off for a cup (think Brent Sopel for Chicago last year) and maybe forwards just assume that they'll win that battle against the less-talented defenseman on a one-on-one or in the corner. But it's not the case, because they can't see the size of the guys heart and they can't measure will to win when they're skating that fast, so these jobbers will win battles. It's like they just hide for years, and decide that "now it's time to win".
But I'm a "Homer", so fuck those journeymen, and fuck Dan Boyle. Fuck Ian White, even if he is from Manitoba. Advantage: Bieksa and the boys.
Both teams have another strange thing in common. Both franchises are historic underachievers/failures. 0 Stanley Cups for either team. They've iced good teams in the past, only to come up not only short, but to just plain not come at all. Vancouver gets to see a Stanley Cup final game in our city once every 20 years on average. San Jose's average is once every...never. It's their 20th year of existence though, so maybe that'll be the---STOP WITH THIS SPECULATION, LEYZERSTUPID! Ugly! Fat! Ugly! Fat!
where was I?
oh. right. Another thing they have in common is they both ALMOST proved their cynical-ass fans right again this year by blowing a 3-0 series lead in a series to force game 7. Both teams got it together before it was too late.
2 EVEN EVEN EVEN teams. only 1 winner. Gotta pick Vancouver. Have to. Gotta pick em, and I gotta believe in my boys. I gotta believe this rest really helped them, I gotta believe that I'll tell my children about Ryan Kesler's 2011 playoffs someday. I gotta believe in Canucks Nation. I gotta believe "canucks is a family, so we do it for Bourdon and we do it for Manny". I gotta not believe in ghosts. I gotta believe Henrik is gonna show up, that Daniel will help him along the way, that our D will be more solid than they were last series, that Lu will stand tall, and that we'll all have a big fucking party very soon. Canucks in.....FIVE! My dick's swinging now, Sharks fans. I'm getting cocky, woooo!
Went to the movies by myself today. I spread out over the back row like a slob, and watched a Danish film called "In A Better World". Loved it. I was exhausted on the way home. Don't you love when you see a good movie, and you're just buzzing like crazy and all these tremendous feelings are channeling through your body and you just can't take it anymore so you have to lean over and catch your breath? Does that happen to anyone else? The doctor-dad in it is my new hero. Actually, the whole movie is my new hero. the best part about the movie, to me, was that it was FILLED with secrets. They all had untold stories, even the boys. that's what makes a film great, or one thing anyways. boobs, too. there were no boobs in this one, but the woman in it was SO DAMN MYSTERIOUS, TOO! man! Just go to Tinseltown and watch it. don't go watch Pirates, just watch this movie and be touched by it.
Tomorrow, a new chapter in hockey begins! Let's rock.

RIP Derek Boogaard. Sad.

xosmlxo

No Puck? Yes Rant!

What's up, Beautiful?

So, there was no puck today. Seems like FOREVER since that's happened, eh? We've (...I've) just been watching puck steady for about 6 weeks now, and it's nice to give it a rest, I gotta say.
FILMED ISSUE ALERT!!!: Seeds have been planted, stay tuned. I have a director on call for it to be shot this Saturday, so hopefully it'll be up that same day, or if not, before the Canucks game. He's a big fucking deal of a director, too. Hopefully he sticks to my genius/my script.
Of course, my mind did veer off into Hockeyland today while I was driving up in the mountains in the pouring rain. I thought of a couple little tidbits to throw your way. If Vancouver ends up playing Detroit, imagine where Kesler's intensity level will be? If you thought it couldn't get any higher than its been, well try throwing the budding legend into his hometown for the biggest series of his career. I can't even imagine it, seriously. It's too hard.
Also, I just wanna put this out in cyberspace, too. Canucks centreman/faceoff artist/emotional leader/inspiration Manny Malhotra skated today. He wore a full cage (I'd call him a pussy if not for the severity of his injury, I think he would've lost his eye had he not had the best doctors in the world working on him), and just did some really low-energy stuff. But I'm gonna go on record to say, don't be surprised if you see Mr. Manny if we get to the Big Dance. I thought that after he had his surgery, and now I'm thinking it more seriously. Not because I have any inside sources or anything (the team is keeping it really hush-hush), but with all the privacy measures teams take on injuries and everything, just don't be surprised if he's rehabbing VERY quickly. Imagine that. Like Kes in Detroit, too hard to imagine, what that'd feel like watching that. WOW.
SO while I was driving, like myself, radio sportscasters didn't have much to talk about today either. They did, however, bring up a topic that is pretty interesting to talk about...
New York Rangers forward Sean Avery did a PSA about same-sex marriage in New York state. Supporting it. Cool.
A sports agent and a sportscaster went public and openly said they weren't cool with it, and it's "wrong".
Now, before I would've just spewed those 2 dudes blood all over the place, called them fucking bigots and told them that I hope they burn in "hell" along with their stupid religious beliefs.
But, I suppose I have just learned to have a little faith in humanity now as I get a bit older. I totally disagree with these two morons, and think that 2 people should be able to love each other regardless of any cultural boundary, because love makes the world go round and the more the better. Word? uh huh, I thought so. What else are we living for??
These people will come around. They'll get it. maybe not THEM specifically, but eventually, WE'LL get it. you know? It won't be an issue. Slowly but surely, we're chugging along.
So the sportscasters I was listening to (not the morons) are talking about how the sports world is basically the last barrier to be broken for homosexuality to be accepted in the public eye. Entertainer and politicians are coming out, and it seems to go over pretty well (i'm sure there are exceptions, yes...). But never in the sports world has an ACTIVE professional athlete playing one of the "major" sports came out of the closet. And don't kid yourself, People. No WAY there's all those athletes, and ALL of them are as into "smashing box" as they say they are in the lockerroom with the boys. Logic just wouldn't allow it.
All I'm gonna say is, just refer to the picture above. WE used to think, in the century we were all born in for fuck sakes, that a black man shouldn't be able to play sports with a white man. Couldn't happen. Impossible. Well, that's the general impression about an openly gay person playing a pro team sport now. Couldn't happen, it'd be too hard. Too much backdraft. Too much abuse. Too much bad publicity. Too much image-tarnishing.
It's the same old story, it's the Jackie Robinson story, with a twist. We keep our bigotry and our hate out of the universe as much as possible, and someone will be brave enough. Imagine if Jackie Robinson wasn't brave enough to come out and play with the white guys? No Canadian would've seen Joe Carter "touch 'em all". We wouldn't know what Michael Jordan's tongue looks like. We could never call Corey Perry "the fridge" because we wouldn't have a reference point.
"A life is not important except in the impact it has on others' lives". That's what Jackie Robinson believed. That's what he said, actually.
Someone'll do it. They'll come out. It'll make big news, and they'll be a hero. And then, as time goes on, it won't be an issue anymore. Then WE'll find something else to be opposed to that doesn't make sense, and WE'll find a way to break that barrier down, too. WE're dumb and WE're genius, brave and cowardly, WE're scared at first, but WE learn to accept and learn to love. WE're human.
Go Canucks, muthafuckaz!

xosmlxo

xosmlxo

ANYTHINGS POSSSSSIBLE!

Leyzer Nation,

That's right. Anything's possible. If Kid Rock can not only bang Pam Anderson, but marry her, then yes, Anything's possible. Ya, she's got a bad reputation amongst all the celebrity-stalking freaks out there, but fuck it. She's a fox. Still, at like age 60 or however old she is. I'd hit it.
I'm sure the "ugliest man in music history" also believes in his beloved Red Wings, along with his ability to cram pimpage.
HOW IS DETROIT DOING THIS?! No one comes back from 0-3. It never happens! It's supposed to be one of those things that you always remember: where you were, who you were with, who you were screwing at the time, and you just store it up in your memory chamber and only bust it out when you're sitting around with the boys talking about how awesome your life used to be compared to how monotonous, fat and gray it is now. It's supposed to be a sports fans "The day Lennon was shot" or "The day Armstrong landed on the moon" (fuck off, conspiracy theorists, I fucking hate you all. Just believe for once in your life.) day.  Now it's happened thrice in twice years. It's, well, I guess I'll use the word dramatic. It makes for good TV and sports boners worldwide.
The Red Wings just refuse to be called the Dead Things. It's amazing. They get behind in the 3rd period, and it's as if they just decide to relieve their fans of disappointment at the drop of a hat. Boom. Boom. Boom. Game over. The scoring comes from all over the place, but the meat and potatoes of their lineup are just playing like they want the cup as much as Ryan Kesler.
They deserved to win that game from puckdrop, and Niemi deserved a better fate. I just can't see Detroit losing this game 7. Just when you think they're too old, that their young depth guys aren't gonna be the depth guys the Draper's, Maltby's, the McCarty's, they just stay alive, baby. They're a model of consistency and success, and have hoisted the mug more times than a college kid at Oktoberfest after his high-school sweetheart left him for her T.A., but this would be HUGE for that franchise. just fucking HUGE.
On a personal level, I don't care whether Detroit or San Jose wins. Bring that shit ON! I'm confident that this break will do nothing but benefit the Canucks. We'll be as strong as ever. As strong as Thor. As strong as a pissed off kid with down syndrome. As strong as a whiskey shit. As strong as Meryl Streep.
The Canucks are gonna be licking their chops just waiting for their next opponent. They'll be prepared, have had watched a TONNE  of video, practised a TONNE, rested a TONNE, and felt all the love in the city a TONNE. They'll be jacked up. Ready to rock. Baweetabawwwdadangdadangdiggydiggy. Don't think they won't be able to dial up the intensity, come Sunday, it's on.
And if you're wondering how teams can drop out of the playoffs so quickly, you can avoid looking at what's in the players heart and go straight to the medical records. As many as 7 guys on the Flyers need to have surgery this summer. Goes to show how much guys want it. They'll play through broken bones, (almost typed "boners" there, haha), through torn muscles (almost typed "titties" there, haha), and they'll play through their minds and their bodies telling them to stop. The heart is there, or they wouldn't be in the playoffs in the first place.
On a sidenote, it's been asked numerous times if I've found a "playoff girlfriend" yet. Well, we're halfway done the playoffs, and still no bites. But not for lack of effort or anything, I'm sure my fans are out there, finding the best looking broads in Vancouver for me. The effort is appreciated. But, I'm gonna tell you why this mission has been unsuccessful. I went to London Drugs today to get a passport photo done. I look like a wannabe terrorist with this beard. I'm thinking of shaving it (keep in mind, Daniel Sedin and Roberto Luongo have shaved theirs, and Daniel even scored last game, I KNOW I KNOW, hard to believe after my constant Sedin-bitching). But honestly, it looks like a Greek dude glued his pubes to my neck, and a 12 year old adolsecent glued his to my upperlip. I think it's gotta go, it's ruining my work-of-artesque face, and turning it into a kindergarten teachers fingerpainting. I'm doing the world a disservice by having this beard. I hate to be talking about it so much,  but it's what's popping into my mind right now, so  that's what I'm saying.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go scribble "SL + RK = TLF on a piece of paper until there is nothing but ink showing.

xosmlxo

FOLLOW THE LEADER!

Leyzertonians,

Aren't you glad that's over with? Phew! We don't have to sit through ANOTHER game 7 like we did last series! Man oh man am I ever relieved!
The boys played, as the picture above says, a little "follow the leader" all series, and that "leader" was not in fact a cute little blonde girl in a red dress, but a gritty American fellow that is done turning heads in Vancouver, we come to expect the effort each night, and has moved on to turning heads continent-wide. The legend of Ryan Kesler is growing. And growing. And growing.
My pals and I just laughed everytime he touched the puck. It was comical how he'd just bear down on a pair of Predators defenseman like they were me playing in the bushleagues of Northern Manitoba, only he was too quick to get away before the bushleaguers could retaliate with a golf swing to the ankle or a cross-check to the lower back (where there's no padding) as I would've done.
I've been trying to figure out what kind of drugs Kesler is on since game 7 of the last series against some team that is but a distant memory now. Well, Leyzerites, I know what it is. He's on Human Spirit. Apparently that's all it takes to be great in the world. Just a little belief in yourself, and a little focus, and a little hardwork. He's using every bit of it he has to win every battle and it's gotta be inspiring a few people in the world that are watching the games. I'm sure, all the while, he spends what little time he has off the ice with his wife and kids too. Keep in mind he's only 26 years old.
Guys got his shit together, eh?
Quick shout-out to my girlfriend, Carrie Underwood. You know Big Daddy doesn't like to see you cry like that, Babe. wipe those tears with your yellow towel. Text me later.
The twins are still playing like a "freak on a leash". Glad to see them get on the scoresheet tonight, and you know what? I think that's okay. I'll take a point a game from hereon out. Why the hell not? We can score by committee. and IF...IF San Jose wins, I think it'll benefit us greatly to play a more wide-open game. Then the Sedins and Burrows (where'd he go as this series went along, by the way?) can really shine.
I thought our bottom 6 guys played really well tonight, too. They assumed their role, and with the exception of one shift where they struggled to get it out of our zone, they did what was asked of them.
Thank GOD ALMIGHTY! Mason Raymond scored!!!!! Pretty goal, too. Kesler grinds it out, never gives up, gets it in front to Raymond, with some pretty sick dangles in tight. Gotta love to see the "other guy" on that second line getting a tally tonight.
The boys get a nice long break now. I'm kind of looking forward to it, and I can't see it hurting them one bit. Rest, time with the families, time to prepare for what's ahead. They don't have a tonne of momentum in their favour, so there probably won't be much of a crash from this series. Just a quick break, and business as usual.
Goodnight, All. Enjoy the streets tonight. I won't as I'll be up before 5 in the morning. Enjoy for me.

xosmlxo

Happy Red Wings Day

Hello all,

Today is a very special day. It is a day where Canucks fans can breathe a little easier, and feel a bit better because at least the Sharks can't close out a series either!
It is also special because I played golf with a guy that got a hole-in-one today. I'll never see that again, I'm sure.
It's also mother's day, more on that later.
Are you thinking the same thing I'm thinking? I think one of the 2 remaining series is gonna be a comeback for the ages. I just have a feeling. The second round needs a bit of that drama that was in the first round. It's creeping up on Sharks and Canucks fans, and Wings fans must really be believing in their boys. Fuck off, Predators fans.
We'll find out this coming week.
Better close it out tomorrow, Vancouver. Better help Kesler. Better see Nicole Kidman at the game again, and Keith Urban better not eat like a pig. The time for saying, as I've been saying, that the Sedin's are gonna break out any game now, is so last week. It's a new week, now. Make some new headlines, Twins.
I hope the lotta ya called up your mama's today, or if you live near them, you went and had a visit with them. I'm a pretty expressive guy, and can usually find the words to explain something, but I can't articulate how much my mother means to me. Much too complex in its simplicity. Too difficult in its ease.
Having a good relationship with my mother is one of the things in life that I am most grateful for. Seriously, it's very very near the top of the mountain. It's fully in the snow peak area. It's a big mountain.
I hope you all have at least experienced realizing that your mom is in fact very wise, very smart, very strong, and very funny, as I have over the years.
I hope you all have mad love for you mom, as I do.
I hope you love all the mom's you know, and give them as much respect as they deserve (LOTS). I can't imagine how scary, difficult, heartbreaking, sleepless, proud, happy and lovely the experience of being a mother would be. Hell, I can barely imagine being a father and I'm genetically built for it! Must be quite a ride, though.

Happy Mothers Day!

Less sap, more puck tomorrow.

xosmlxo

from the beautiful cityscape of Canada's most beautiful city...

to a sinking ship. So the fuck what? Sue me, I'm a Canucks fan. I lack faith.

You know, a guy gets all dolled-up, combs his playoff beard, sprays his smelly shirt with axe deodorant bodyspray, and expects to be running through the streets with Crazies all night. That was my plan. I EXPECTED  a victory tonight. The Canucks were in total control of the series, People!!! Now, we just let the team back in. Now it's a best of 3, and they have to fly ALLLLL the way to Nashville to try and close this thing out. It's stupid, yet dramatic. Always making us sweat, eh boys?
Henrik was minus 3 tonight. On the goal that Ward scored off a one-timer, I saw a Sedin gliding towards him. No effort on the backcheck. I'm sick of their pretty play. They obviously are not built to win in the National Hockey League playoffs, when the checking gets tighter and everyone's SUPPOSED to be playing like it's the last game they'll ever play. Maybe on a huge Swedish ice surface they'd be fine, stretch-passing all over the place, dangling around in the corners, but man oh man. There are really only 2 ways to score in the playoffs: shots from the point that a) the goalie cant see or b) that gets deflected past the seeing goalie, OR you score down low near the crease where you gotta be TOUGH!!!1TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUGGGGGGGGGGGGH! You gotta be able to handle a beast like Weber, or Suter or even a big ape like O' Brien beating you down in front and still have the sense to get your stick on the puck and jam it home. I think we've seen enough of Daniel and Henrik to know now, that FOR SURE, they don't have this quality. the flash and dash and beauty of their game is no good in the playoffs. this ain't a work of art, People, it's a fucking battle where people bleed to win. People like Ryan Kesler.
Mark Messier Jr.
But Messier had all those great Oilers helping him win when it was his Oilers team in 1990, and he had Brian Leetch, Stephan Matteau, Alex Kovalev, Mike Richter, Kevin Lowe, Craig Mac-T McTavish, Brian "NOOONAN" Noonan, and Esa Tikkanen helping him out in 1994. Ryan has gotten a bit of help from some guys, but nothing consistent. It'd be a shame for Ryan Kesler to not get to lift the cup this year. If anything, the boys should be stepping up to SOMEWHERE near his level to do it for him. 1 guys back is only so strong.
Luongo was shakey tonight, again.
Joel Ward will DEFINITELY be in my dreams tonight, playing cards with Dustin Byfuglien and laughing at our city.
Our weak links were exposed HEAVILY tonight. Rome and Hodgson gotta go. Done for the playoffs.
Good riddance, Samuelsson, call someone up that isn't hurt and isn't old and isn't slow.
Somebody better be a hero on Monday night, and he better have on a white uniform, and for the sake of their careers and reputations, they better have red hair, weird veins on their temples, and no facial hair on their cheeks. and talk in a monotone swedish accent.

:(

xosmlxo

Welcome home, Boys.

Leyzerites,

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Well how 'bout that?!
I mentioned yesterday about how strong I thought Tampa was. I also talked briefly about Boston and San Jose. Well, Vancouver just joined the group tonight! the MENSA of hockey teams.
It poses an awfully big problem for all of you degenerate gamblers out there, though. I mean, WHO DO YOU PICK TO MOVE ON!!!???Out of Boston, Tampa, San Jose and Vancouver, who has the upper hand? Fucked if I know. Seems like everything is working now. All the little things we as Canuck fans wanted to see done tonight, got done! Fans of those other 3 teams are saying the same thing. I'm contemplating not even making predictions for the next 2 rounds, because it's just too close to call.
(keep in mind that I'm aware that Nashville and Detroit and Philly are still, TECHNICALLY, alive and kicking. technically. But come on. Really? If Nashville comes back and wins this series, I'll have to have heart surgery. It just can't happen. If I don't believe it'll happen, it won't. And frankly, I could give a fuck about Philly and Detroit because they've played like they don't deserve to be in the final four, so kiss my grits).
The game though, eh? shiiiiiit. What a beauty! Idunno, pick your favourite part of the game - there were so many!!! Hank getting off the Schneid! Gotta love that. I called for our offensive-minded defensemen to step up tonight, and look what happened, People! They did just that. They answered Leyzer's bell like good little athletes.
There was some rough stuff in front of the net for all you bloodthirsty fans that lack knowledge and have an abundance of murderous rage (I know you're out there...fucking weirdos), albeit most of the nastiness came from Nashville, but lets face it, if they have one thing on us it's goaltend--shit, it's toughness. Like, brute toughness. We're tough the way an Alaskan Crab fisherman is tough, and they're more like Tank Abbott tough.
I think my favourite part of the game was hearing Grapes say AN AMERICAN was the Conn Smythe leader so far these playoffs! Amazing. I thought for sure he'd go St. Louis, mind you he's a Quebecker, so maybe not...but anyways, yaaa...He thinks Kesler should win Conn Smythe. I guess now that he's scoring, he's kind of put the final little notch in his Conn Smythe belt, because besides his no-show on the scoresheet, ya. Grapes is right. He is the most valuable player in the playoffs so far. He wants "it" more than anyone. It's true, and it's a bit scary for the rest of the NHL.
Well, I just feel a bit relieved tonight, don't you? like maybe game 5 can be a big rockin, city-wide party and we can just celebrate this round instead of going on stress leave from work (I didn't, but it sure as fuck crossed my mind). We're up 3-1 in the series, and we can move on as early as Saturday. WE BETTER DO IT SATURDAY! All these other teams have a chance to be done and moved on by the weekend, and Vancouvers gotta join them if we wanna rest up! they can't afford another long trip to Nashville. Get it DONE on saturday!
It was just an empty-netter, Hank. Hopefully it's a slump-buster cuz we, the fans, are gonna need ya to pot a few more if we wanna let our playoff bushes grow another month. Keep pluggin away.
Going to bed, it's late! I will dream pleasant dreams tonight. Relieving ones. ahhhhhhhh.

xosmlxo

My Apologies.

Hello Love,

Taking that picture of Carrie Underwood off my blog was the hardest thing I have ever done on this blog. It was my bravest move to date. I received a tonne of feedback about those legs, my incredible taste in women, and my incredible ability to arouse my leagues and leagues of followers with one simple jpeg!
The new picture, though...Just sayin. It could happen. Tampa just looks unstoppable. 7 straight wins! How is this happening?! How is Sean Bergenheim lighting it up out there?! What kind of accent does he have??!! His name is Sean for fuck sakes! It's the Sean Bergenheim's of the playoffs that make them interesting. Remember Fernando Pisani for the Oilers the last time they made their run? Guy was clutch like Stu "Clutch" Barnes himself. 
There ain't a kink in Tampa's armour. I suppose we all shouldn't be too surprised, as the overall standings are always pretty close 1 through 8 when the big dance starts. I guess the only questions about them were...well...there were a lot of questions. Will their big guns step up? They have (could see more outta Stevey Stamkos, though. A little more clutch.) Will Dwayne Roloson live to see the end of the playoffs? All signs point to yes he will. He'll live like there's no tomorrow! How bout their D? Are they battle tested enough to make a run? Well, no, but who the fuck cares! they're playing great. You gotta love the Hedman kid. He takes up a tonne of space out there, smart with the puck, physical, and I don't even think he's legal in the states. Will they have the depth to go deep? ummm...can you say SEAN BERGENHEIM, STEVE DOWNIE AND DOMINIC MOORE!? If you can't, spit the shit out of your mouth and scream it to the mountaintops! These muhfuckas are as real and mysterious as Guy Boucher's scar.
And Washington....what to do, what to do? Can't really blow up the team, but they've been ousted in the playoffs early for 4 straight years. A lower-seeded team has sent them to the golf course 4 straight years. That's not good. I think, as entertaining as the guy is and as round as his belly is, I think Bruce Budreau will be out of a job and possibly taking gigs as Santa Claus next Christmas. They have to change something, and no one, AND THE ROCK MEANS NO ONE is gonna wanna eat up Nick Backstrom's contract. Mike Green's concussed, that's excusable. Ovechkin has nothing to be ashamed of. I can't believe they called that penalty on him. It's so inconsistent, those charging calls. It's like they just call every second one that happens, regardless of who's doing it, or what time in the game it is. Ovi will win some time. Just not with this team, changes are in order. He needs some sack around him. Semin is a bum, too. A Kovalev. A Kovalchuk.
And whatdya say about Philly? I said it already in previous blog, so I'm not gonna repeat myself. But, I did tell a pal today that they could LITERALLY trade any one of their top-tier forwards for Corey Schneider in the off-season and be a better team. They'll still be a top-tier team without Claude Giroux. Without James van Riemsdyk. Someone like that. It'll never happen, but it should.
Boston scored a powerplay goal. Much like Kesler getting on the board last night....look out, people.
There is nothing I like more than seeing Dany "fuckin" Heatley getting destroyed by Nick Kronwall. Nothing. I could watch that for days, however, my eyes are sore from exposure to dust, so I can't watch it. I need to sit in a dark room and stubbornly avoid doctor's attention to the damage that has been done to my eyes, rather than ENJOYING MYSELF! FUCK!!
Do you not believe that if ANYONE can come back from an 0-3 deficit, it's Detroit? just a little bit? against famous choke artists San Jose? hey? a bit?
Or has San Jose FINALLY just learned how to win a cup?
At least the game went into overtime, and Detroit made you believe they might actually crawl out of the hole. I'd like to say it's over, but I won't till I see the handshakes.
Ugh, Kate Bierness is calling me to watch her on Sportscentre. I guess I'll wear sunglasses. Hey, Ray Charles got a lot of ass, didn't he?
Maybe I won't watch, I'm feeling a bit like I am entering a cross-roads in my life here, so maybe it is time for some meditation instead of oggling a sports reporter. ahhh...but it's the playoffs!!!!??? I'm so torn. Looking inside for answers, or oggggling?!? Man's Greatest Struggle!!!! Let the universe show me the way.

peace friends.

xosmlxo