Christmas Eve

That's how I feel, Leyzertons. I will not sleep tonight.

So, I'm back in town. Away from the Sunshine Coast, and I gotta say something. Something to you, Vancouver. Thank you for rolling out the red carpet for my black ass! I roll out of the ferry, the sun's shining, hot babes are texting me, David Pratt's on the radio being as cynical as ever regarding the long wait for the Cup to start. Just perfect.
First off, BEFORE I give you my....*voice suddenly gets caught in throat* my final prediction *cough cough, back to normal voice*, I first want to talk about the most glorious day in my home provinces history since the Battle of Seven Oaks! (pick up a Canadian history book, dummies) NHL HOCKEY IS BACK IN MANITOBA!!!!!! YESSSSSS!!!! USA -23, Canada - 7.
For those skeptics out there, instead of dwelling on the fact that the franchise failed the first time around, and that nothing or nobody deserves a second chance, and that once you lose something it's best to just leave it alone and never try again, why not just be happy that a great (albeit, a kind of ugly) city that loves hockey, and produces some excellent, world class hockey stars, gets a relevant team to cheer for again. It's a GOOD thing. It'll work this time. What if Thomas Edison was like, "ah fuck it. this lightbulb shit won't work"? I'll tell ya what! You'd be blind as fuck, all fucking day long. I will hear NONE of your skepticism, people. ZERO.
As for the name, my sources are saying that...wait for it...wait for it...they won't be called the Jets. The NHL owns the rights to the name "Winnipeg Jets", so the new ownership group would have to pay a price to get the name. David Thompson (the new owner) could probably afford it, since he's in the top 20 richest men in the world category. But, I think I'm okay with a fresh start. I'm down with that. I'm not down with taking the Manitoba Moose name. That's boring. The best suggestion I've heard is a shout-out to Manitoba's rich history and the great Manitoba Métis hero Louis Riel, and calling them the Manitoba Rebels. mmmm mmmm, that sounds nice.
I'm hearing they'll be called the Manitoba Falcons, though. Isn't that what the old Atlanta Thrashers logo is? A cartoon falcon? Go with a fresh start, if you can't use the Jets anymore.
They should draft a Manitoba kid with their pick in the draft this year. Just saying. It'll add excitement to a team that doesn't have a lot of potential stars. Evander Kane, maybe. Their goalie is good, too.
Now.
The Prediction. Canucks in 4. Sweep.
Possible? fuckinrights. Probable? not really. Bold. uh huh. Magical? Yes.
Do this years Canucks have a magical element to them? Idunno, you tell me. Go downtown tomorrow at about 4:45. See if you see people filled with excitement and adrenaline. See if you see people with smiles on their faces. Then watch the game. Watch the Sedins pass, Kesler battle, the 3rd line hit, the defense go unnoticeable until they jump into the rush. Luongo answer the bell.
Then make up your mind.
See you on the streets.

xosmlxo

comin' home

Big Bad Beetle Borgs,

Hello! Long time, no speak! I took a few days off. I was stressed out on my business trip, so there. I admit it, I get stressed out sometimes. I am not perfect.  Many of you will never understand what it is like to work for 12 hours a day in a hazardous environment, but many of you do understand that. I understand it, because I am doing it. That's just the kind of man I am. My collar is blue. My testicles are massive.
Over the last few days, I have been able to do a lot of thinking. Mostly about the Stanley Cup, but other things too. I thought about getting a tattoo on my forearm of a poorly-drawn demon so I could fit in with "the boys". I also thought about growing a foot to fit in with "the boys". I thought of referring to a non-existent girlfriend as `the ollady``. Buying a Harley on a whim. Participating in a Lumberjack competition (those exist, by the way. and they`re televised).
I also read some incredible magazine articles. Check out the Gentlemen`s Quarterly with Zak Galafianakis on it and read the story about the 3 island boys and their tale of survival. It`s fucking unbelievable. 51 days stranded in the middle of the pacific ocean with nothing but a bottle of vodka and a dozen coconuts. Just read it, I`m sure you can look it up online. It`s a good read.
Read something about boredom, and how it`s good for humans to be bored, or a certain type of boredom is, because it`ll eventually propel us into action. I am a person who HATES to be bored, therefore I rarely am. I like being bored for about one section of a day over the course of the week. This meaning I like to do absolutely nothing for an afternoon on a Sunday, for example. What I got from this article is basically, if you`re bored all the time, you suck, but eventually your brain or body will make you snap out of it somehow and you`ll end up curing that boredom. Likely with drug abuse, heavy masturbation, or Jersey Shore marathons. So don`t get bored, or you`ll die.
Speaking of Jersey Shore, while in Sechelt, I got a sense that I was in a reality show. I`d sit in the pub across from my hotel, and every person in there knew each other. The ladies all tanned WAY too much, and all the dudes clearly took steroids. I was just waiting for 2 of these broads to scrap it out in the parking lot, or for 2 of the dudes to slap each other and hide behind their crew. Lucky for I, Me left before it got to that point. Didn`t see any smooshing either.
Beautiful place, Sechelt is. Same with Gibsons. When it`s sunny, it`s utopia.
I`m not gonna give you my pick for the finals yet, although I`m sure you can guess who I think will win. I`m also not gonna talk about Manny Malhotra coming back, because I already talked about that weeks ago, and said that he`d play and, well. Ya. He`s gonna play.
I almost cried watching his interview yesterday. Like a dude watching `Brian`s Song`.
What I am gonna do, though, is tell you how Boston might be able to beat Vancouver....if I do in fact choose Vancouver to win the cup.
1. Tim Thomas is capable of stealing games. He could steal 4.
2. Daniel and Henrik haven`t played well against a `shutdown duo`. Seabrook and Keith in round 1, Weber and Suter in round 2. Now they have Chara and Seidenberg to deal with. Hopefully they carry their momentum from the flogging they flogged on the sharks, and the Big Zidiot and his right-hand man will be a small obstacle.
3. Boston has big forwards. Big, mean sons-of-bitches. They hit hard. Harder than anyone the Canucks played this playoffs. Think Ben Eager, but with a little more skill. Real hockey player`s hockey players. This could pose real problems for the Canucks strong defense corps. They`ve been so strong so far, and when Rome or Ehrhoff falls, Ballard or Tanev pick up the slack. But what if Bieksa or Hamhuis gets pasted into the boards? Can Sami Salo or Alex Edler be a horse on the backend?
5. If Kesler`s tank is empty.
Don`t get me started on the Conspiracy Theory that Gary Bettman hates Vancouver and Canada and will make sure that Vancouver won`t win the Stanley Cup and that Boston will because it`s a `sexy` market and good for the league. Fuck that, it`s hogwash, and conspiracy rheories in general are just fucking stupid. I read an article on conspiracy theories and how they`re fucking stupid, too, so I`m not the only one that hates them. The guy was saying how they`ve ruined society and nobody trusts anybody. It`s a little much, because there are a bunch of other variables that go into why no one trusts anyone, but he`s right. ugh, I just want to slap people that waste my time telling me that Cobain was murdered. Or JFK was an assisted suicide. SHUT UP.
I also read an interview with Werner Herzog. He`s one crazy, yet pretty enlightening fellow. I guess thats what makes him Werner Herzog. Anyhoo, Buddy said that he thinks Psychology is one of the great tragedies of the last century. Everyone`s gotta know everything about themselves and why they are the way they are. I kind of agree with him. It`d be boring to have all the answers.
Prediction tomorrow. Good talking to you.

I saw a dude with a green mustache and a blue goatee the other day. And I thought my playoff beard ruled.

xosmlxo

Welcome to Sechelt, Leyzer!

Greetings. Earthlings. We Aw Now Takeen Ova Yo Radio-oh-oh-hi hit em high hit em high hit em high, you hit em low hit em low hit em low hit em low!
- Some dude, I think from Cypress Hill, from the Space Jam soundtrack.
Good in the dressing room....when I was 8.
Anyhoo, I'm on the road for the next week, in a little town called Sechelt, BC. I know what you're all thinking: Yes, I'm right beside the ocean. Yes, I can hear waves crashing against the shore. Yes, I'm typing this without clothes on. Yes, it took me all day to get my wireless connection working.
Funny thing I have always noticed about small towns, but have never articulated (or rather, had the words to articulate it). Coming from a small town, I would always notice how "at home" I would feel when I would get back to Flin Flon as a youngster. "Home again Home again, Jiggidy Jig". A little sigh of relief in my belly. But, if I go into any other smalltown, I always feel like a complete alien. Everyone looks at me funny. I guess they do this because it's almost certain it's the first time they're laying eyes on me, but it's just a little off-putting. Like I'm intruding, and fucking up the day-to-day that everyone goes through. Smalltown folks seem uber-observant, but uber-bored.
But, on the flipside of my fear of being outed as a city-dwelling monster, at least people actually look you in the eye in a smalltown. No one's in a rush here. They take 5 seconds to make contact with you, even if it they find you a little weird and out-of-place. Some walked by and said hi, as if they were welcoming me.
So I guess home is where you make it. I guess I'm not a "smalltown guy" like I thought I was. Or maybe we're all "smalltown guys" and we just make our own little smalltowns, even if it's in a big city. I don't fucking know. Leave me alone, I'm in the middle of nowhere and Black Label Society's "Hangover Music" album just came on on my laptop. Cut me some slack.
Also, cut me some slack because there's no hockey on today, so there's not much to talk about. Still openly smile in public when I hear John Shorthouse's call of the Bieksa goal (could be why some Secheltians gave me the stink-eye), still loving where the Canucks are. I am taking this time away to really allow myself to reflect on the last 3 series, and all the good moments that have came as a result of this team of...dare I say it....DESTINY!
And I'm not talking hoops (basketball for you white folks) either, because I don't want to lose my audience. Listening to me talking basketball would be like listening to the sportscasters on TEAM 1040 talk about movies.
"I still haven't seen that Black Duck movie."
"Black Swan, you mean. It's great! You gotta see it Dave!"
"ahhhh...I'm not watching that. there's no story to it!"
Or something along those lines.
So no one wants to go through that with me and basketball.
This Black Label Society album is absolutely KILLING ME! No wonder hangovers are paralyzing, listening to this all day. It's so damn sad! manly as fuck, but sad!!
Is there anyone on earth that doesn't like the song "Fast Car" by Tracy Chapman? and if so, why are they still alive? same goes for "Romeo and Juliet" by the dire Straits. You have no soul if you don't like those songs.
Will my job require me to shave my beard tomorrow? if I'm working in a pulp mill? Probably. That's okay. I'm alright with letting go of it, although I think it's somehow made me cooler. I'm confident in the Canucks. They don't need my superstition. Or at least they don't need that one. I still have a few others.
The Cup final starts Wednesday! WOOOOO! I will only be out of the city for game 1! I had fears of missing all the fun/agony of the finals. Not so! I'll be back soon enough, Vancouver!
I find it strange that I miss Vancouver. I guess it's my "smalltown" now. I guess that's not a bad thing, either. It is what it is. I have made a city my home.
Goodnight All, I have reading to do. Yes. I can read.

xosmlxo

That is not how the East was won,

Boston. Losers.

What's up Love,

How bout that picture up there, eh? Remember that show? ugh. Just tacky family PG drama. You know what's funny? as I looked for a picture of the famous Camden family on the world wide web, a barrage of pics came up. And what's funny is, the youngest daughter ended up being the best looking one of the bunch! and she was sort of a tom-boyish little thing. What was her name again? Oh ya, Ruthy. Just came to me
*takes 7th Heaven poster off his wall, in case anyone sees it*
Seriously though, she's a pretty little thing now. Sorry Jessica Biel worshippers, she's just a bit big for me. Like she might beat me in an arm wrestle, and I'm a pretty strapping lad.
I also noticed in a picture that came up, that someone married the little shithead brother near the end of the series. Like anyone cares.

Keep playing Tampa and Boston. Play as long as you like in game 7. Wear yourselves thin. Let your aging goalies tear their groins. Let Teddy Purcell, Sean Bergenheim and Steve Downie show that they're just getting lucky this playoffs, and they're not as good as we're giving them credit for. Let Thomas Kaberle get booed  some more.
Sidenote: A drunken native man on the bus told me he used to play hockey against Milan Lucic. This dude had more greys in his beard than Dwayne Roloson. Milan, the Eastvan boy, hasn't even kicked 25's door down yet. What did Homie take me for? A gullable muhfucka, that's what. I smiled and nodded because I'll talk hockey with just about anyone, as long as they don't try to argue with me when I know I'm right.
I'm getting bored of talking about how awesome Martin St. Louis is, so Boston better win game 7. They better win so that I can get really ugly in this blog again. My hatred for Boston is large. My love for Vancouver is large. When those forces collide, it makes for things I wished I never said, broken dinner plates, divorce lawyers, and disturbed neighbours. And, since all 'yall are a bunch of drama fiends, you'll soak up all my literary vomit. because you need it. To survive. Or so you THINK! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
...and we'll all be better because of it. We all wanna see Boston and Vancouver, don't we? It so much more than Tampa. They don't even have winter in Tampa, and damnit, they've already won a cup this century! Let 2 teams that haven't won in about 40 years battle it out. I love ya, Marty, but let someone else play in June.
I'm going on the road for 8 days. I am hoping it's somewhat peaceful. I would like to fish.

xosmlxo

That was how the west was won.

Leyzerbombs,

Un.Fucking.Believable.

I seriously think I blacked out after Kesler scored in the dying seconds of the third to force OT. I definitely had a serious case of "protective mother strength", that's for sure.
By the time Bieksa put the puck in the net, I just fell over. I had had enough.
*eats 10 rolaids*
Roberto Luongo was, without a doubt, the best player in this game. If you doubt Lu (as I have in the past), just know now that he's locked in. He's gonna be sharp for the rest of the playoffs. I will go out of my way to GUARANTEE that.
I hope you all remember that I picked the Canucks to dispose of the Sharks in 5 games. Just remember that. My cup prediction will be coming very shortly.
Man the city is ALIVE  tonight, eh! Honking horns, morons waving flags on road dividers, people young and old, just celebrating like their lives depend on it!
*HONK HONK HONKHONKHONKHONK!!!!!!*
This is all a bit surreal at the moment. THE CANUCKS ARE GOING TO THE FINALS! FINALLY! They have passed every test thrown their way this year!
Now...just one more. One more series. Four more wins, and that's it.
Let it also be known, that I am naming my first born child, Bieksa Leydon. Hopefully it's a girl, because it kind of sounds nice. It's a bit of a girly last name, but a giant of a dude carries it with pride. and he's a legend now. There's no doubt about it. He's "forever a Canuck". Not to be disputed.
I realize, that the above declaration may be a bit much, so maybe I'll settle for naming a pet that instead. Or just legally change my own name to Bieksa. We'll see.
Also, let it be known that the above picture was taken in 1994, the last time the Canucks were in the finals. Know that they didn't win. So that kind of exhaustion that is being shown on Trevor Linden's face is what it takes to lose the Cup. Imagine how hard you have to work to win? Imagine how much more blood needs to be spilled on your jersey?
I look back to my childhood tonight, and think of dreaming of playing in the Stanley Cup. Lord knows that didn't turn out as planned, so fuck it. I'll take this as a close second. I'm living in a city that has a chance to win the Cup. Un. Fucking. Believable.
I need to lay in my bed now, and try to calm down, and try to erase the memory of the number of terrible commercials there are on CBC broadcasts.
Goodnight all.
See you soon Boston.

xosmlxo

Back on track.

Hey Sexmachines,

Sorry for the lackluster performance over the weekend. You know how it is - sometimes people do more than just watch hockey all the time. I am one of those people, believe it or not. I have a brain, and a body, and a soul, and these things need to be put to use sometimes. I can't just sit around like a mindless idiot, dissecting a game with a bunch of overgrown Canadians slapping a black disc around a sheet of ice. I can't just do that all the time. Some of the time, ya. There is a time and a place for everything, and I put some priorities over hockey this weekend. I'd like to promise that I'll never do such a thing to all y'all again, but I will make no such promise. You just never know, right?
Cool. Well, I did allot some time to be a mindless idiot today. I watched the game.
And you know what? I really thought Tampa was gonna win this series. I think they're a better team, still. I really do, and I want them to win strictly based on the fact that I just like the players on their team alot more. Love St. Louis, the resurgence of Lecavalier, the coming out of their blue-collar workhorses, and Guy Boucher is the most entertaining coach in hockey (Sorry, John Tortorella. You gotta be coaching a good team to make the cut.)
But now, I mean, I can't really bet against Boston. They're one win away. Thanks to Tim Thomas. Goes with the Mark Messier-guarantee for the game tonight! ballsy move, and it paid off and he was great tonight.
But now, with both Boston and Vancouver just ONE win away from playing each other in the Cup Final, I want Boston to win just so the Canucks can play them, and BEAT them! And here's why:
couple things: first, Boston's powerplay is TERRIBLE. I'm not even gonna rip Thomas Kaberle like everyone else in the hockey world is doing, because my heart couldn't take bullying a guy like that. A guy that has been that big of a flop. It's painful to watch him on the powerplay, skate the puck to the blue line, dump it in, only to have a Lightning defenseman pick it up off the boards and send it back down the other way. Granted, Tampa's penalty kill has been a huge story in this playoffs, and they've been near-perfect. But let us not all blame the ex-Leaf (as fun as that is to do. fucking Leafs), and let us remember that hockey is a team sport, and it takes all 5 skaters to score on a powerplay.
So I say, bring on those fucking Bruins, let them take penalties all series long, and let them be introduced to Mason Raymond, Jannik Hansen, Ryan Kesler and Alex Burrows. Let the penalty killers from Vancouver get chances like they have all playoffs-long, and let that be one of the differences in the outcome of the finals. Mmmmm I would just love to see that.
the other reason I want to see a Vancouver-Boston final is this. One of the themes of this playoff run for the Canucks has been "slaying demons". Chicago, getting Luongo out of the second round, Luongo winning in San Jose, proving the Sedins are invaluable in the playoffs, proving Kesler and Burrows can play in the playoffs too, proving Sami Salo can play more than a playoff series without having his arm amputated. All these things have happened, and proved the typically cynical Canucks fan wrong (myself included...especially regarding Luongo and the Sedins)....
So, a quick history lesson for you all. Known in many sports fans minds as "the worst trade in history", The Canucks traded a young, tough forward named Cam Neely to Boston for a 1st round draft pick (that ended up being Glen Wesley...a damn good defenseman for 20 years in the NHL) and Barry Pederson. Barry Pederson ended up not turning out to be a star, but the young guy from Maple Ridge named Cam Neely sure as hell did. He became one of the best power forwards of all time in Boston, had 3 50 goal seasons, and would've had WAY more points if not for having hip replacement surgery. After his playing days were long over, he took up a position in the Bruins front office, and now, he's the president of the club.
So if this years Canucks are slaying demons, why not slay one more in the finals? make up for the biggest fuckup in the club's history, and put all the 40 years of mediocrity behind them?
I say yes, Kick C-bass's ass.
peace.

xosmlxo

So Close...

I can feel it in my loins. The city is 1 win away from a mass big "O". BIIIIIIG fawkin win today.
The old hockey saying, "You're never in trouble til you lose one at home" hopefully applies to those damn Sharks!
Can we PLEASE close this one out on home ice this time? Not like the last series where I was all prepped to go apeshit down Granville St. with all the Crazies. please!?!? I hope beyond hope for that to happen. Only this time, it'll be bigger than the celebration I thought would happen if we beat Nashville. MUCH MUCH bigger. It'll bring buildings to the ground. It'll set my hair on fire. My pubes, even! It could be dangerous, but, just like everytime you set your pubes on fire, the outcome will always end in utter elation.
I think that the story was pretty clear in this game. 2 teams played hockey in Northern California. Both teams had periods where they were horribly undisciplined (although, me being the "homer" that I am, I thought most of the calls against Vancouver were a bit embellished), both teams had their chances on the man-advantage. San Jose had their crack at it first, and they didn't capitalize. In fact, the Canucks penalty killers looked to be more dangerous out there than the Sharks PP! Then came the Canucks turn to play with the man-advantage. Boom. Boom. Boom. 3 goals on the man-advantage. BOOM! SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE THE ROOM! BOOM SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE THE ROOM...TICK TICK TICK TICK BOOM! Game over.
It came down to special teams. We flourished, they fuckedup.
So fuck em. Fuck their half-assed comeback near the end, it was never gonna be enough.
Fuck RyanE Clowe for punching Ryan Kesler in the grill.
Actually, fuck Ryan Kesler for falling down like a bitch, too. The games over, you're not gonna draw a penalty, be a man and take the punch, or take a swing back.
Praise Sami Salo's bomb from the back-end. The above picture is what we're used to seeing Sami look like. A history of injury that would make Mickey Rourke in "The Wrestler" weep and beg for his daughter's love. Oh wait, he already did that. Bitch ass.
Kidding, that movie rules and so does Mickey Rourke, and so does begging for shit if you really need it. Well, it doesn't rule, but I think it's effective.
Whatever, I'm rambling. Let's enjoy the sweet taste of victory in our mouths today, and hope we can finish this off and go to our first Cup in 17 years! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!

xosmlxo

Today

Was a busy day for me. I had no time to watch hockey. No time to be witty and vulgar at the same time. My apologies. Go Canucks. Have a splendid long weekend, ALL!

xosmlxo

When you kick as much ass as I do...

You don't need originality to be cool. You don't, trust me on this one. I could keep that Bieksallent sweater up for years and still be worshipped throughout Canucks/Leyzer Nation. The only people receiving more praise for their recent efforts are Barack Obama, Kevin Bieksallent himself, and the lady that flashed her boobs at Ben Eager in the penalty box today.
Let's start off with what, surely, everyone will be talking about after tonight's dirty beating: the boobs. It happened, seriously. Youtube that shit. Girl just walks up to the penalty box when Eager's sitting in there, and whips them out! Thanks, anonymous girl. Thanks alot. Now there's gonna be girls flashing their breasts all over the city. You've started a revolution, and if there's one thing I know for certain, it's that nobody likes a revolutionary. You don't see people rocking Ché Guevara shirts, now do you? Shame on you. I'm sure there will be tonnes of Vancouverites that feel the same way as I do about your actions.
Kidding. I say go for it. The more boobs, the better during this Cup run. fuck it, everyone just get buck-ass naked and go bananas! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
So, I decided (along with a friend) that we should start a Kevin Bieksa Fan Club. Feel free to ask me for more details. The only thing I know for sure is that you must love Kevin Bieksa more than you love your Grandmother, and you must refer to all members, including Kevin Himself, and "Your Bieksallency". That's all I have for now.
Good on him for fighting Marleau tonight. Marleau sticked him in the groin. That's enough to send any man into a frenzy, but not Bieksallent. Nope. He was a perfect gentleman, and waited for Marleau (not a fighter by any means) to drop his gloves first, throw the first punch, and then proceeded to whoop his Saskatchewan ass. I must say, it was a gutsy move on Marleau's part, and it definitely lit a fire under his teams ass, but the fire just turned them all into a bunch of morons. Not the outcome he wanted, I'm sure. Especially because he took such a smooth beating out there, and his teammates didn't repay him with any offensive output. What is it about a hockey fight that just makes a guy wanna knock some heads around? Is it just me? I'm all aggressive and ready to throw DOWN right now? Who wants some? Fuck it, I'll fight you Ben Eager, I don't care if you're related to me. I only met you once, anyhow. I'll fight you. Fuck it, I'll fight drunken hate-mailers too.
*bashes head against the wall*
*rips out his 2 front teeth with his bare hands*
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! BIG FUCKING WIN TONIGHT!
Convincing. Balanced. Disciplined. "Rome"antic. Bieksallent.
Is Bieksa hearing whispers about a Conn Smythe trophy now? I hope so. He's a close second to Kesler now, in my expert opinion. He's scoring the big goals, he's sound as fuck defensively, he melting dude's faces. He lacks a mustache. What more can you aks for?!?!?!
The 3rd line was great, AGAIN! The Sedins got to show off their wizardry AGAIN! Luongo was solid, AGAIN, PEOPLE! YES!!!!!
Word to Ryan Clowe: Max Lapierre never fights anyone. He's a coward. an effective hockey player, but a coward. Try fighting someone else.
My only concern is this: You've pissed off an excellent team, Vancouver. They're PISSED! Now they have 48 hours to harness that anger and use it constructively. They got embarassed. We might see a different, faster, even meaner San Jose squad on Friday. Can we match it? You bet your Bieksallence we can.

xosmlxo

game 2 in Boston!

Sweetnesses,

When asked, "Why the fuck haven't you started young Seguin since the first series when an inferior Canadiens team was whooping your ass?", Claude Julien gave this response:

^^^^^^SEE ABOVE PICTURE^^^^^^^^

and that was it. Foolish.
Seriously, when are coaches going to get it?! It's just common sense, actually. There's nothing to get. When you have a player that is arguably the most talented forward you have in your system that is actually healthy, YOU PLAY HIM! Just get him out there! What are you waiting for?! The goals that boy scored tonight were dynamite, and it just throws a huge kick in the nuts to the Tampa coaching staff now, because they have another weapon to defend against.
Sweet Under Armour commercial, too Tyler. I'm wondering when I'm gonna get mine? Soon, likely. Very soon. Seriously!!I look decent in sleeveless nylon workout clothing, it's not unbearable to see!
The goalies were godawful tonight, even though Timmy-T made some remarkable saves. He looked like his gongshow style of play was working against him tonight, and he's got a wicked playoff beard, so I think Bruins fans (I hate you all) should forgive him at least for tonight.
just find room to keep Seguin in for game 3, Claude Julien. If not, you should be stoned. Then fired. Then let Cam Neely have his way with you. Let him play, if for nothing else, to allow me to get maximum enjoyment out of watching a series that 2 teams I don't really like are involved in. Nothing irks my shit more than seeing Boston win, but I'll allow it if it means extending the series into a marathon and if it means I get to watch Seguin light the lamp all night.
Stamkos's snipe was retarded. Not retarded like Julien, but retarded like good, ya? you undorshtand meeee?! :D!!
I love the Manny Malhotra mystery, too. It's genius gamesmanship by Vancouver. They dangle out this little trick they have in their backpocket, let San Jose ALMOST see the illusion, then pull it back behind their back at the last second. I would bet that Manny could play ASAP, but they'll wait until they need him. Til they really need him. Just keep dangling the little trick in front of coaching staffs, and drive them up the fucking wall trying to strategize on how to beat the team.
Should be a helluva game tomorrow. Hopefully its similar to the one tonight, because that was a wild one!

xosmlxo

Can you FEEEEEEL that?!

Yes you can, Leyzerites.
Yes. You. Can.
mmm mmm it feels good. Feels good to be in Vancouver right now, doesn't it? The weather isn't perfect, it's not as warm as it should be, and the cherry blossoms are all starting to shed their pink. I say, "WHO GIVES A TURD!?" to that!
Today was strange, no? Did anyone else observe what was going on? You could literally feel a wave of happiness over the city today. It was strange. It's Monday for fuck sakes. That shit should NOT be happenin! I should've gotten honked at on Knight St., sworn at by a dirty old contractor, slapped by a lady and children should've been crying at every corner. Isn't that what Mondays are all about?
Thanks to the victory last night, such was not the case. I was literally working on an old hotel downtown, loaded with the gruffest, most haggard dudes on the planet (I fit in quite nicely. I've learned. I adapt to my surroundings), and all I got was handshakes, "yup, absolutely, that sounds great my friend"'s, and "fuckin Canucks, eh?" in a tone beyond optimistic. Great stuff, and not what I'm used to at all.
Radio broadcasters were happy, lacked cynicism, I bet Glen Healy even said something nice about someone today. Ah, probably not.
I saw an Asian man, who looked to be 17000 year old, give a high five to a young Hispanic boy on the bus today. Kid's mom was sitting beside him. She was not nervous, the boy was happier than a pig in shit to give him a high five, and they all smiled.
I saw, on the same bus ride, two old obese Indian women, beautifully dressed in their robes (forgive the ignorance as to what they're actually called), give each other friendly punches to the arm, and laugh as their nose rings sparkled in a brief moment of sunshine. FRIENDLY PUNCHES TO THE ARM BY SENIOR CITIZENS!!!!!
Okay, let's admit it. We've all been taking bong rips off Snoop's. No? Well, I'm sure some of you have. Some of you may be right now. You may be stuffing your faces, and laughing your asses off.
That is the only option I can think of, other than the obvious. That the Canucks of 2011 are a magical team. That their memory will be with the people that are swept up in the "whirlwind" of this spring for a very long time, even if they don't win the cup. That people playing a sport because they love it, working so hard to fight for every millimetre on the ice is inspiring. It makes us believe in the power of one's heart. That the guys that actually play for the Canucks, are willing to take on the weight of a whole city (I thought about making an attack on all the people who aren't on the bandwagon, but do I really think they're reading this? No. They're watching Fox news. Or littering.), because they feel it's importance to every little fan, and they want the feeling of letting people live and dream through them. I think most athletes are a special lot. They have an enormous amount of pressure. They have to make a million people happy, or they're hated. These Canucks are a special lot. Even Raffi Torres. He played well last night. Crazy little Tazmanian Devil, damn it, I love ya, despite our history. fuck it. *bro hug* *knuckles*
So there ya have it. If you walked by me on the street, and you were just torched out of your mind, thanks for the smile anyways. If you are high on Canucks, thanks even more.
Hopefully I will have something to bitch about in the East final tomorrow! I'm sure I will!!! That's right, Bruins powerplay, i'm comin for ya....wait till tomorrow. ohhhh yes!

xosmlxo!

1 down, 3 to go!

MUTHAFUCKAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

BEEEEYAW! BYAW! We're goin' ya Delaware! We're going to Vancouver BEEYAW!
That's 1 Canucks fans!
But don't put too much stock into just this one victory. I just heard a stat saying the Canucks haven't lost a game one of a playoff series in 4 years. And we still haven't seen a Stanley Cup parade here, so, ya. Let's take it for what it is - 1 victory. Let's be happy, and hope we take both games at home again.
I would also like to say that I would like to thank God for giving the man that made the jersey above a life. I'm a bit jealous, because I wanted the very-same jersey but I'm just too damn busy writing this damn blog to go out and find the time to accomplish my #1 dream in life - to buy a jersey that says "Bieksallent" on it. What can I say? I'm completely selfish and willing to give all of myself to the leagues and leagues of readers every night (EXCEPT WHEN THE SITE DOES MAINTENANCE!). I'm just a good dude like that.
Couldn't be happier to see Boomboom Bieksallent score tonight, and what a tasty dish he got, eh? I love it when Bieksa scored, it's like he's being rewarded for being such a Mr. Canuck everytime he pots one. That's how I feel anyways. No one's put up with more criticism, and strangely enough, s team)quite like him.  Canuck culture (on this team)quite like him. It's a love-hate relationship between him and the city, but it's been all love this year, and for me personally, even more love in the playoffs. He's beginning to fit into the pants Kesler's wearing these days, in that he's becoming a legend I think. IF Vancouver wins the cup, he'll be one of the guys - the Trevor's, Pavel's, Kirk's that people will talk about.
HEY! Maybe Danny and Hank will too! Who was CBC's first star tonight? yuh huh! Hank! You just know that the rest of the teams left were thinking, "come on...just lay a stinker like you've been doing all playoffs, Twins...."well, sorry mutherfuckers! NOT HAPPENING! The Brothers Sedin are about to break out and lay a smooth, pretty beating on San Jose's nameless defense. I think. I hope. I dream about.
Niemi was fabulous tonight. Thornton's officially a gamer now, too. Even if San Jose doesn't get by Vancouver, even though they definitely still can. Enough of the "not a playoff performer" bullshit. The label has been dropped, for me anyways.
How did Vancouver NOT score on that wild scrum in the first period. Seriously, I could've buried that. No I couldn't have. Nevermind.
Goodnight All. Sleep Well. Kiss your Leyzer cardboard cutout under your bed before bed, if you're awesome enough to have one.

xosmlxo

Joo Guyss Wanna Play Roff?

OKAY!  I'M RELOADED!!!!!!!

If you haven't already watched the new Lonely Island video, do it now. It's called "Jack Sparrow" featuring MICHAEL BOLTON!!! YES! MICHAEL BOLTON! The one and only, the sexiest man alive, the coolest cat in the universe, the singer of my alarm in the morning and the voice in my head when I make love. Mike B.
Notice the resemblance between Antionio Montana and Guy Boucher? Not only do they both have bad ass scars on their faces, but they both migrated to Florida to become legends. It's only a matter of time before Guy balls Michelle Pfeiffer and buries his face in a mound of cocaine...okay, let's face it, he's been there, done that. He's the man of the hour, and his team got the first win in the conference finals this year after a very convincing victory.
I kind of had a feeling that one of those teams would fall asleep in the first game or two of the series, simply because of the amount of time they had off. So it would come down to who had the better coach, and the better leadership group to get the team up for the game tonight. Obviously Tampa won that battle, and an important battle that is in the playoffs. It's the man behind the bench and the grizzled veterans that will keep a teams young guys focused. Tampa's got that good group of guys playing that have been there before. They know how to win.
So Boston fell asleep for about 5 minutes, and lost the game right then and there. I can't believe Hall scored that goal. It was BEAUTIFUL! How does a guy just pull one out of his ass like that?! I wonder if he's about to catch fire and go on a run here - strange shit like that always happens in the playoffs, i'm tellin ya!
Not having Patrice Bergeron really hurt Boston tonight, but if there was just some way they could keep Tyler Seguin and him in the lineup when he returns, I think they'd be in a lot better shape going forward. He's a talented young guy, and he scored one helluva goal tonight.
We have a big day here in Vancouver tomorrow. Sleep well, People.

xosmlxo

and then there were four.

Well Leyzerites,

We're gettin' down to the nitty gritty now, aren't we? Uh huh, yes indeedy we are. mmm mmm, more hockey is right around the corner! Starting TOMORROW!
Now there are less predictions to make, so my normally long "prediction issues" will be much shorter for the next few round. umm...obviously...I think I should just get right to it!

(3) BOSTON .vs. (5) TAMPA BAY
No one expected Tampa Bay to get as far as they have so far, at least no one with half a fucking brain. No one thought that Steve Downie, Sean Bergenheim, Teddy Purcell, Dominic Moore and Victor Hedman would be playing the way they've played so far. Sure, we expected it from St. Louis, Stamkos and Lecavalier (we expect it with Lecavalier, but are frequently disappointed with his effort. Not anymore.) They came out of nowhere and knocked off the 2 teams that Montreal knocked off last year to get to the conference final. Montreal played a big, tough powerhouse in that conference final last year - the Philadelphia Flyers. Tampa plays a big, tough powerhouse this year in the conference finals - the Boston Bruins. Are we now expecting those role players on the Lightning to play the way they've been playing night in  night out ALL THE TIME? Don't be.  I'm saying that the luck of the lightning is running out this round, although I wouldn't be losing any sleep if they did beat Boston in 6 game. But, I'm looking at Bruins goalie Tim Thomas, and I'm just seeing him making a bunch of game-saving stops. I'm looking at Zdeno Chara (who isn't sick anymore like he was against the Habs) and I'm seeing a huge coke-drinking Slovak with ice in his veins - He should be in a movie as a villain, like a James Bond film or something. I'm looking at their forward lines, and noticing that Milan Lucic broke out of his slump last series, and that all 4 lines are playing typical Bruins hockey - it's fast, it's tough as nails, and it results in a lot of offense. I'm gonna say the Bruins in 6, and give Tampa Bay a game for every one that Patrice Bergeron is supposed to miss this series.
Patrice Bergeron = my generation's Olympic Rob Zamuner. If you know what I'm saying, you'll laugh. If not, ah well. I see you've spent your last 15 or so years with more important things than remembering who plays on Canadian olympic teams. Good on ya, I could use some of that. Pass it down! Don't hog it all!

okay...
(1) VANCOUVER .vs. (2) SAN JOSE
The two top seeds in the west clash!!! The way it was supposed to be! That seems like it NEVER happens, eh?
These are 2 teams that are evenly matched. 2 Manic goalies. Can save the game for you, or totally blow it. Niemi seems like he's a bit more calm (okay, ALOT more calm) than Luongo, he just randomly decides to let everything past him. Yes! Do more of that, Mr. Niemi. NO MORE CUP RINGS FOR YOU, OKAY?!
Both teams are SO, SO talented up front. Fast, creative, deep. I love it. It's as star-studded a line up as Warren Beatty's headboard. you're not gonna see this much offensive ability in any other series in the NHL playoffs. It should be a beautiful sight to behold. Both teams have star forwards that have been hated on considerably by both media-types and hardcore fans alike. I hate to say it, but San Jose might have the advantage in the forward department, strictly based on their size and strength. That's just based on logic, but I think we all know that size and strength doesn't matter a whole lot in the playoffs. It's determination that'll win you the battle. So fuck what I said, it don't mean shit now, fuck the presents may as well throw them out. We're even up front.
Advantage Vancouver on the defensive front. We're deeper and more gifted. They have a number 1 defenseman in Dan Boyle, and a bunch of Suitcases. the Suitcases have exceeded exceptations, though. I mean, they've gotten this far, haven't they? Often that's the case, too. You see these Jabroni defensemen just play their sacks off for a cup (think Brent Sopel for Chicago last year) and maybe forwards just assume that they'll win that battle against the less-talented defenseman on a one-on-one or in the corner. But it's not the case, because they can't see the size of the guys heart and they can't measure will to win when they're skating that fast, so these jobbers will win battles. It's like they just hide for years, and decide that "now it's time to win".
But I'm a "Homer", so fuck those journeymen, and fuck Dan Boyle. Fuck Ian White, even if he is from Manitoba. Advantage: Bieksa and the boys.
Both teams have another strange thing in common. Both franchises are historic underachievers/failures. 0 Stanley Cups for either team. They've iced good teams in the past, only to come up not only short, but to just plain not come at all. Vancouver gets to see a Stanley Cup final game in our city once every 20 years on average. San Jose's average is once every...never. It's their 20th year of existence though, so maybe that'll be the---STOP WITH THIS SPECULATION, LEYZERSTUPID! Ugly! Fat! Ugly! Fat!
where was I?
oh. right. Another thing they have in common is they both ALMOST proved their cynical-ass fans right again this year by blowing a 3-0 series lead in a series to force game 7. Both teams got it together before it was too late.
2 EVEN EVEN EVEN teams. only 1 winner. Gotta pick Vancouver. Have to. Gotta pick em, and I gotta believe in my boys. I gotta believe this rest really helped them, I gotta believe that I'll tell my children about Ryan Kesler's 2011 playoffs someday. I gotta believe in Canucks Nation. I gotta believe "canucks is a family, so we do it for Bourdon and we do it for Manny". I gotta not believe in ghosts. I gotta believe Henrik is gonna show up, that Daniel will help him along the way, that our D will be more solid than they were last series, that Lu will stand tall, and that we'll all have a big fucking party very soon. Canucks in.....FIVE! My dick's swinging now, Sharks fans. I'm getting cocky, woooo!
Went to the movies by myself today. I spread out over the back row like a slob, and watched a Danish film called "In A Better World". Loved it. I was exhausted on the way home. Don't you love when you see a good movie, and you're just buzzing like crazy and all these tremendous feelings are channeling through your body and you just can't take it anymore so you have to lean over and catch your breath? Does that happen to anyone else? The doctor-dad in it is my new hero. Actually, the whole movie is my new hero. the best part about the movie, to me, was that it was FILLED with secrets. They all had untold stories, even the boys. that's what makes a film great, or one thing anyways. boobs, too. there were no boobs in this one, but the woman in it was SO DAMN MYSTERIOUS, TOO! man! Just go to Tinseltown and watch it. don't go watch Pirates, just watch this movie and be touched by it.
Tomorrow, a new chapter in hockey begins! Let's rock.

RIP Derek Boogaard. Sad.

xosmlxo

No Puck? Yes Rant!

What's up, Beautiful?

So, there was no puck today. Seems like FOREVER since that's happened, eh? We've (...I've) just been watching puck steady for about 6 weeks now, and it's nice to give it a rest, I gotta say.
FILMED ISSUE ALERT!!!: Seeds have been planted, stay tuned. I have a director on call for it to be shot this Saturday, so hopefully it'll be up that same day, or if not, before the Canucks game. He's a big fucking deal of a director, too. Hopefully he sticks to my genius/my script.
Of course, my mind did veer off into Hockeyland today while I was driving up in the mountains in the pouring rain. I thought of a couple little tidbits to throw your way. If Vancouver ends up playing Detroit, imagine where Kesler's intensity level will be? If you thought it couldn't get any higher than its been, well try throwing the budding legend into his hometown for the biggest series of his career. I can't even imagine it, seriously. It's too hard.
Also, I just wanna put this out in cyberspace, too. Canucks centreman/faceoff artist/emotional leader/inspiration Manny Malhotra skated today. He wore a full cage (I'd call him a pussy if not for the severity of his injury, I think he would've lost his eye had he not had the best doctors in the world working on him), and just did some really low-energy stuff. But I'm gonna go on record to say, don't be surprised if you see Mr. Manny if we get to the Big Dance. I thought that after he had his surgery, and now I'm thinking it more seriously. Not because I have any inside sources or anything (the team is keeping it really hush-hush), but with all the privacy measures teams take on injuries and everything, just don't be surprised if he's rehabbing VERY quickly. Imagine that. Like Kes in Detroit, too hard to imagine, what that'd feel like watching that. WOW.
SO while I was driving, like myself, radio sportscasters didn't have much to talk about today either. They did, however, bring up a topic that is pretty interesting to talk about...
New York Rangers forward Sean Avery did a PSA about same-sex marriage in New York state. Supporting it. Cool.
A sports agent and a sportscaster went public and openly said they weren't cool with it, and it's "wrong".
Now, before I would've just spewed those 2 dudes blood all over the place, called them fucking bigots and told them that I hope they burn in "hell" along with their stupid religious beliefs.
But, I suppose I have just learned to have a little faith in humanity now as I get a bit older. I totally disagree with these two morons, and think that 2 people should be able to love each other regardless of any cultural boundary, because love makes the world go round and the more the better. Word? uh huh, I thought so. What else are we living for??
These people will come around. They'll get it. maybe not THEM specifically, but eventually, WE'LL get it. you know? It won't be an issue. Slowly but surely, we're chugging along.
So the sportscasters I was listening to (not the morons) are talking about how the sports world is basically the last barrier to be broken for homosexuality to be accepted in the public eye. Entertainer and politicians are coming out, and it seems to go over pretty well (i'm sure there are exceptions, yes...). But never in the sports world has an ACTIVE professional athlete playing one of the "major" sports came out of the closet. And don't kid yourself, People. No WAY there's all those athletes, and ALL of them are as into "smashing box" as they say they are in the lockerroom with the boys. Logic just wouldn't allow it.
All I'm gonna say is, just refer to the picture above. WE used to think, in the century we were all born in for fuck sakes, that a black man shouldn't be able to play sports with a white man. Couldn't happen. Impossible. Well, that's the general impression about an openly gay person playing a pro team sport now. Couldn't happen, it'd be too hard. Too much backdraft. Too much abuse. Too much bad publicity. Too much image-tarnishing.
It's the same old story, it's the Jackie Robinson story, with a twist. We keep our bigotry and our hate out of the universe as much as possible, and someone will be brave enough. Imagine if Jackie Robinson wasn't brave enough to come out and play with the white guys? No Canadian would've seen Joe Carter "touch 'em all". We wouldn't know what Michael Jordan's tongue looks like. We could never call Corey Perry "the fridge" because we wouldn't have a reference point.
"A life is not important except in the impact it has on others' lives". That's what Jackie Robinson believed. That's what he said, actually.
Someone'll do it. They'll come out. It'll make big news, and they'll be a hero. And then, as time goes on, it won't be an issue anymore. Then WE'll find something else to be opposed to that doesn't make sense, and WE'll find a way to break that barrier down, too. WE're dumb and WE're genius, brave and cowardly, WE're scared at first, but WE learn to accept and learn to love. WE're human.
Go Canucks, muthafuckaz!

xosmlxo

xosmlxo

ANYTHINGS POSSSSSIBLE!

Leyzer Nation,

That's right. Anything's possible. If Kid Rock can not only bang Pam Anderson, but marry her, then yes, Anything's possible. Ya, she's got a bad reputation amongst all the celebrity-stalking freaks out there, but fuck it. She's a fox. Still, at like age 60 or however old she is. I'd hit it.
I'm sure the "ugliest man in music history" also believes in his beloved Red Wings, along with his ability to cram pimpage.
HOW IS DETROIT DOING THIS?! No one comes back from 0-3. It never happens! It's supposed to be one of those things that you always remember: where you were, who you were with, who you were screwing at the time, and you just store it up in your memory chamber and only bust it out when you're sitting around with the boys talking about how awesome your life used to be compared to how monotonous, fat and gray it is now. It's supposed to be a sports fans "The day Lennon was shot" or "The day Armstrong landed on the moon" (fuck off, conspiracy theorists, I fucking hate you all. Just believe for once in your life.) day.  Now it's happened thrice in twice years. It's, well, I guess I'll use the word dramatic. It makes for good TV and sports boners worldwide.
The Red Wings just refuse to be called the Dead Things. It's amazing. They get behind in the 3rd period, and it's as if they just decide to relieve their fans of disappointment at the drop of a hat. Boom. Boom. Boom. Game over. The scoring comes from all over the place, but the meat and potatoes of their lineup are just playing like they want the cup as much as Ryan Kesler.
They deserved to win that game from puckdrop, and Niemi deserved a better fate. I just can't see Detroit losing this game 7. Just when you think they're too old, that their young depth guys aren't gonna be the depth guys the Draper's, Maltby's, the McCarty's, they just stay alive, baby. They're a model of consistency and success, and have hoisted the mug more times than a college kid at Oktoberfest after his high-school sweetheart left him for her T.A., but this would be HUGE for that franchise. just fucking HUGE.
On a personal level, I don't care whether Detroit or San Jose wins. Bring that shit ON! I'm confident that this break will do nothing but benefit the Canucks. We'll be as strong as ever. As strong as Thor. As strong as a pissed off kid with down syndrome. As strong as a whiskey shit. As strong as Meryl Streep.
The Canucks are gonna be licking their chops just waiting for their next opponent. They'll be prepared, have had watched a TONNE  of video, practised a TONNE, rested a TONNE, and felt all the love in the city a TONNE. They'll be jacked up. Ready to rock. Baweetabawwwdadangdadangdiggydiggy. Don't think they won't be able to dial up the intensity, come Sunday, it's on.
And if you're wondering how teams can drop out of the playoffs so quickly, you can avoid looking at what's in the players heart and go straight to the medical records. As many as 7 guys on the Flyers need to have surgery this summer. Goes to show how much guys want it. They'll play through broken bones, (almost typed "boners" there, haha), through torn muscles (almost typed "titties" there, haha), and they'll play through their minds and their bodies telling them to stop. The heart is there, or they wouldn't be in the playoffs in the first place.
On a sidenote, it's been asked numerous times if I've found a "playoff girlfriend" yet. Well, we're halfway done the playoffs, and still no bites. But not for lack of effort or anything, I'm sure my fans are out there, finding the best looking broads in Vancouver for me. The effort is appreciated. But, I'm gonna tell you why this mission has been unsuccessful. I went to London Drugs today to get a passport photo done. I look like a wannabe terrorist with this beard. I'm thinking of shaving it (keep in mind, Daniel Sedin and Roberto Luongo have shaved theirs, and Daniel even scored last game, I KNOW I KNOW, hard to believe after my constant Sedin-bitching). But honestly, it looks like a Greek dude glued his pubes to my neck, and a 12 year old adolsecent glued his to my upperlip. I think it's gotta go, it's ruining my work-of-artesque face, and turning it into a kindergarten teachers fingerpainting. I'm doing the world a disservice by having this beard. I hate to be talking about it so much,  but it's what's popping into my mind right now, so  that's what I'm saying.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go scribble "SL + RK = TLF on a piece of paper until there is nothing but ink showing.

xosmlxo

FOLLOW THE LEADER!

Leyzertonians,

Aren't you glad that's over with? Phew! We don't have to sit through ANOTHER game 7 like we did last series! Man oh man am I ever relieved!
The boys played, as the picture above says, a little "follow the leader" all series, and that "leader" was not in fact a cute little blonde girl in a red dress, but a gritty American fellow that is done turning heads in Vancouver, we come to expect the effort each night, and has moved on to turning heads continent-wide. The legend of Ryan Kesler is growing. And growing. And growing.
My pals and I just laughed everytime he touched the puck. It was comical how he'd just bear down on a pair of Predators defenseman like they were me playing in the bushleagues of Northern Manitoba, only he was too quick to get away before the bushleaguers could retaliate with a golf swing to the ankle or a cross-check to the lower back (where there's no padding) as I would've done.
I've been trying to figure out what kind of drugs Kesler is on since game 7 of the last series against some team that is but a distant memory now. Well, Leyzerites, I know what it is. He's on Human Spirit. Apparently that's all it takes to be great in the world. Just a little belief in yourself, and a little focus, and a little hardwork. He's using every bit of it he has to win every battle and it's gotta be inspiring a few people in the world that are watching the games. I'm sure, all the while, he spends what little time he has off the ice with his wife and kids too. Keep in mind he's only 26 years old.
Guys got his shit together, eh?
Quick shout-out to my girlfriend, Carrie Underwood. You know Big Daddy doesn't like to see you cry like that, Babe. wipe those tears with your yellow towel. Text me later.
The twins are still playing like a "freak on a leash". Glad to see them get on the scoresheet tonight, and you know what? I think that's okay. I'll take a point a game from hereon out. Why the hell not? We can score by committee. and IF...IF San Jose wins, I think it'll benefit us greatly to play a more wide-open game. Then the Sedins and Burrows (where'd he go as this series went along, by the way?) can really shine.
I thought our bottom 6 guys played really well tonight, too. They assumed their role, and with the exception of one shift where they struggled to get it out of our zone, they did what was asked of them.
Thank GOD ALMIGHTY! Mason Raymond scored!!!!! Pretty goal, too. Kesler grinds it out, never gives up, gets it in front to Raymond, with some pretty sick dangles in tight. Gotta love to see the "other guy" on that second line getting a tally tonight.
The boys get a nice long break now. I'm kind of looking forward to it, and I can't see it hurting them one bit. Rest, time with the families, time to prepare for what's ahead. They don't have a tonne of momentum in their favour, so there probably won't be much of a crash from this series. Just a quick break, and business as usual.
Goodnight, All. Enjoy the streets tonight. I won't as I'll be up before 5 in the morning. Enjoy for me.

xosmlxo

Happy Red Wings Day

Hello all,

Today is a very special day. It is a day where Canucks fans can breathe a little easier, and feel a bit better because at least the Sharks can't close out a series either!
It is also special because I played golf with a guy that got a hole-in-one today. I'll never see that again, I'm sure.
It's also mother's day, more on that later.
Are you thinking the same thing I'm thinking? I think one of the 2 remaining series is gonna be a comeback for the ages. I just have a feeling. The second round needs a bit of that drama that was in the first round. It's creeping up on Sharks and Canucks fans, and Wings fans must really be believing in their boys. Fuck off, Predators fans.
We'll find out this coming week.
Better close it out tomorrow, Vancouver. Better help Kesler. Better see Nicole Kidman at the game again, and Keith Urban better not eat like a pig. The time for saying, as I've been saying, that the Sedin's are gonna break out any game now, is so last week. It's a new week, now. Make some new headlines, Twins.
I hope the lotta ya called up your mama's today, or if you live near them, you went and had a visit with them. I'm a pretty expressive guy, and can usually find the words to explain something, but I can't articulate how much my mother means to me. Much too complex in its simplicity. Too difficult in its ease.
Having a good relationship with my mother is one of the things in life that I am most grateful for. Seriously, it's very very near the top of the mountain. It's fully in the snow peak area. It's a big mountain.
I hope you all have at least experienced realizing that your mom is in fact very wise, very smart, very strong, and very funny, as I have over the years.
I hope you all have mad love for you mom, as I do.
I hope you love all the mom's you know, and give them as much respect as they deserve (LOTS). I can't imagine how scary, difficult, heartbreaking, sleepless, proud, happy and lovely the experience of being a mother would be. Hell, I can barely imagine being a father and I'm genetically built for it! Must be quite a ride, though.

Happy Mothers Day!

Less sap, more puck tomorrow.

xosmlxo

from the beautiful cityscape of Canada's most beautiful city...

to a sinking ship. So the fuck what? Sue me, I'm a Canucks fan. I lack faith.

You know, a guy gets all dolled-up, combs his playoff beard, sprays his smelly shirt with axe deodorant bodyspray, and expects to be running through the streets with Crazies all night. That was my plan. I EXPECTED  a victory tonight. The Canucks were in total control of the series, People!!! Now, we just let the team back in. Now it's a best of 3, and they have to fly ALLLLL the way to Nashville to try and close this thing out. It's stupid, yet dramatic. Always making us sweat, eh boys?
Henrik was minus 3 tonight. On the goal that Ward scored off a one-timer, I saw a Sedin gliding towards him. No effort on the backcheck. I'm sick of their pretty play. They obviously are not built to win in the National Hockey League playoffs, when the checking gets tighter and everyone's SUPPOSED to be playing like it's the last game they'll ever play. Maybe on a huge Swedish ice surface they'd be fine, stretch-passing all over the place, dangling around in the corners, but man oh man. There are really only 2 ways to score in the playoffs: shots from the point that a) the goalie cant see or b) that gets deflected past the seeing goalie, OR you score down low near the crease where you gotta be TOUGH!!!1TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUGGGGGGGGGGGGH! You gotta be able to handle a beast like Weber, or Suter or even a big ape like O' Brien beating you down in front and still have the sense to get your stick on the puck and jam it home. I think we've seen enough of Daniel and Henrik to know now, that FOR SURE, they don't have this quality. the flash and dash and beauty of their game is no good in the playoffs. this ain't a work of art, People, it's a fucking battle where people bleed to win. People like Ryan Kesler.
Mark Messier Jr.
But Messier had all those great Oilers helping him win when it was his Oilers team in 1990, and he had Brian Leetch, Stephan Matteau, Alex Kovalev, Mike Richter, Kevin Lowe, Craig Mac-T McTavish, Brian "NOOONAN" Noonan, and Esa Tikkanen helping him out in 1994. Ryan has gotten a bit of help from some guys, but nothing consistent. It'd be a shame for Ryan Kesler to not get to lift the cup this year. If anything, the boys should be stepping up to SOMEWHERE near his level to do it for him. 1 guys back is only so strong.
Luongo was shakey tonight, again.
Joel Ward will DEFINITELY be in my dreams tonight, playing cards with Dustin Byfuglien and laughing at our city.
Our weak links were exposed HEAVILY tonight. Rome and Hodgson gotta go. Done for the playoffs.
Good riddance, Samuelsson, call someone up that isn't hurt and isn't old and isn't slow.
Somebody better be a hero on Monday night, and he better have on a white uniform, and for the sake of their careers and reputations, they better have red hair, weird veins on their temples, and no facial hair on their cheeks. and talk in a monotone swedish accent.

:(

xosmlxo

Welcome home, Boys.

Leyzerites,

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Well how 'bout that?!
I mentioned yesterday about how strong I thought Tampa was. I also talked briefly about Boston and San Jose. Well, Vancouver just joined the group tonight! the MENSA of hockey teams.
It poses an awfully big problem for all of you degenerate gamblers out there, though. I mean, WHO DO YOU PICK TO MOVE ON!!!???Out of Boston, Tampa, San Jose and Vancouver, who has the upper hand? Fucked if I know. Seems like everything is working now. All the little things we as Canuck fans wanted to see done tonight, got done! Fans of those other 3 teams are saying the same thing. I'm contemplating not even making predictions for the next 2 rounds, because it's just too close to call.
(keep in mind that I'm aware that Nashville and Detroit and Philly are still, TECHNICALLY, alive and kicking. technically. But come on. Really? If Nashville comes back and wins this series, I'll have to have heart surgery. It just can't happen. If I don't believe it'll happen, it won't. And frankly, I could give a fuck about Philly and Detroit because they've played like they don't deserve to be in the final four, so kiss my grits).
The game though, eh? shiiiiiit. What a beauty! Idunno, pick your favourite part of the game - there were so many!!! Hank getting off the Schneid! Gotta love that. I called for our offensive-minded defensemen to step up tonight, and look what happened, People! They did just that. They answered Leyzer's bell like good little athletes.
There was some rough stuff in front of the net for all you bloodthirsty fans that lack knowledge and have an abundance of murderous rage (I know you're out there...fucking weirdos), albeit most of the nastiness came from Nashville, but lets face it, if they have one thing on us it's goaltend--shit, it's toughness. Like, brute toughness. We're tough the way an Alaskan Crab fisherman is tough, and they're more like Tank Abbott tough.
I think my favourite part of the game was hearing Grapes say AN AMERICAN was the Conn Smythe leader so far these playoffs! Amazing. I thought for sure he'd go St. Louis, mind you he's a Quebecker, so maybe not...but anyways, yaaa...He thinks Kesler should win Conn Smythe. I guess now that he's scoring, he's kind of put the final little notch in his Conn Smythe belt, because besides his no-show on the scoresheet, ya. Grapes is right. He is the most valuable player in the playoffs so far. He wants "it" more than anyone. It's true, and it's a bit scary for the rest of the NHL.
Well, I just feel a bit relieved tonight, don't you? like maybe game 5 can be a big rockin, city-wide party and we can just celebrate this round instead of going on stress leave from work (I didn't, but it sure as fuck crossed my mind). We're up 3-1 in the series, and we can move on as early as Saturday. WE BETTER DO IT SATURDAY! All these other teams have a chance to be done and moved on by the weekend, and Vancouvers gotta join them if we wanna rest up! they can't afford another long trip to Nashville. Get it DONE on saturday!
It was just an empty-netter, Hank. Hopefully it's a slump-buster cuz we, the fans, are gonna need ya to pot a few more if we wanna let our playoff bushes grow another month. Keep pluggin away.
Going to bed, it's late! I will dream pleasant dreams tonight. Relieving ones. ahhhhhhhh.

xosmlxo

My Apologies.

Hello Love,

Taking that picture of Carrie Underwood off my blog was the hardest thing I have ever done on this blog. It was my bravest move to date. I received a tonne of feedback about those legs, my incredible taste in women, and my incredible ability to arouse my leagues and leagues of followers with one simple jpeg!
The new picture, though...Just sayin. It could happen. Tampa just looks unstoppable. 7 straight wins! How is this happening?! How is Sean Bergenheim lighting it up out there?! What kind of accent does he have??!! His name is Sean for fuck sakes! It's the Sean Bergenheim's of the playoffs that make them interesting. Remember Fernando Pisani for the Oilers the last time they made their run? Guy was clutch like Stu "Clutch" Barnes himself. 
There ain't a kink in Tampa's armour. I suppose we all shouldn't be too surprised, as the overall standings are always pretty close 1 through 8 when the big dance starts. I guess the only questions about them were...well...there were a lot of questions. Will their big guns step up? They have (could see more outta Stevey Stamkos, though. A little more clutch.) Will Dwayne Roloson live to see the end of the playoffs? All signs point to yes he will. He'll live like there's no tomorrow! How bout their D? Are they battle tested enough to make a run? Well, no, but who the fuck cares! they're playing great. You gotta love the Hedman kid. He takes up a tonne of space out there, smart with the puck, physical, and I don't even think he's legal in the states. Will they have the depth to go deep? ummm...can you say SEAN BERGENHEIM, STEVE DOWNIE AND DOMINIC MOORE!? If you can't, spit the shit out of your mouth and scream it to the mountaintops! These muhfuckas are as real and mysterious as Guy Boucher's scar.
And Washington....what to do, what to do? Can't really blow up the team, but they've been ousted in the playoffs early for 4 straight years. A lower-seeded team has sent them to the golf course 4 straight years. That's not good. I think, as entertaining as the guy is and as round as his belly is, I think Bruce Budreau will be out of a job and possibly taking gigs as Santa Claus next Christmas. They have to change something, and no one, AND THE ROCK MEANS NO ONE is gonna wanna eat up Nick Backstrom's contract. Mike Green's concussed, that's excusable. Ovechkin has nothing to be ashamed of. I can't believe they called that penalty on him. It's so inconsistent, those charging calls. It's like they just call every second one that happens, regardless of who's doing it, or what time in the game it is. Ovi will win some time. Just not with this team, changes are in order. He needs some sack around him. Semin is a bum, too. A Kovalev. A Kovalchuk.
And whatdya say about Philly? I said it already in previous blog, so I'm not gonna repeat myself. But, I did tell a pal today that they could LITERALLY trade any one of their top-tier forwards for Corey Schneider in the off-season and be a better team. They'll still be a top-tier team without Claude Giroux. Without James van Riemsdyk. Someone like that. It'll never happen, but it should.
Boston scored a powerplay goal. Much like Kesler getting on the board last night....look out, people.
There is nothing I like more than seeing Dany "fuckin" Heatley getting destroyed by Nick Kronwall. Nothing. I could watch that for days, however, my eyes are sore from exposure to dust, so I can't watch it. I need to sit in a dark room and stubbornly avoid doctor's attention to the damage that has been done to my eyes, rather than ENJOYING MYSELF! FUCK!!
Do you not believe that if ANYONE can come back from an 0-3 deficit, it's Detroit? just a little bit? against famous choke artists San Jose? hey? a bit?
Or has San Jose FINALLY just learned how to win a cup?
At least the game went into overtime, and Detroit made you believe they might actually crawl out of the hole. I'd like to say it's over, but I won't till I see the handshakes.
Ugh, Kate Bierness is calling me to watch her on Sportscentre. I guess I'll wear sunglasses. Hey, Ray Charles got a lot of ass, didn't he?
Maybe I won't watch, I'm feeling a bit like I am entering a cross-roads in my life here, so maybe it is time for some meditation instead of oggling a sports reporter. ahhh...but it's the playoffs!!!!??? I'm so torn. Looking inside for answers, or oggggling?!? Man's Greatest Struggle!!!! Let the universe show me the way.

peace friends.

xosmlxo

canucks up 2-1!!

Whoa. Look at those pins. UNbelievable. Imagine the long string of misogynistic pick up lines I could string together in the comfort of my bedroom that she'd never read! IMAGINE the vast array of sexual references I could make about those legs in the comfort of my bedroom that she'd never read! IMAGINE the possibilities!!!!
Amazing, absolutely stunning legs. Wow.
One of the highlights of the game, in my opinion, was the live shot of her in her yellow hoody (or, as my Rider and Pilsner-loving friends in Saskatchewan would say, "bunny hug"...just gotta hold on to your originality, eh Saskquatches? That's all you have. Riders, 'Sner and a stupid term for a hooded sweatshirt.). She's a babe, there's no question about that. Lucky man, Mikey Fisher.
But NOT lucky enough to win tonight!!! I mean, I feel like thats all this series is gonna come down to. Just luck. Nashville might get lucky enough to sit on 3 one-goal leads, and Vancouver might get lucky enough to hold on to 2 more 1 goal leads. Or one team will be lucky enough to squeak out an overtime victory, where really anything in possible.
Now, I recently said that I don't believe in luck, so I have to defend myself. I still don't believe in luck. By "luck" I suppose I meant that Nashville might impose their game on Vancouver and come out on top. Or vice versa for Vancouver. So far, Nashville has done a better job imposing their game on Vancouver. If Vancouver was winning that battle, they'd have WAY more goals, Daniels and Henrik would be scoring up a storm, and Ryan Kesler would, too. Oh. Wait. Kesler's on the board now. Watch out, world. Get him on a hot streak, I fuckin dare ya.
Tough way for Nashville to lose, on a powerplay, that really could've been a Kesler penalty for holding the stick. But, like they said on TV, that was a makeup call for that hit Bieksa took. What is with this shit on the ice? All these deliberate hits from behind?! I like to think that it's just the speed of the game combined with the emotion of potentially getting one step closer to the cup if you win a battle in the corner. But man oh man, I've said it before, someone is gonna get killed. we're all gonna see it. it's gonna be such a sad day.
If someone hurts Kevin Bieksa, I will not be a happy camper. He's been the most consistent D-man for the Canucks, and played with a bigger sack than the whole team most games (with the exception of Kesler in game 7. That was inhuman). Bieksallent is still in my good books, even though he made the stupidest pass of the playoffs and almost cost us dearly in the late stages of the game.
Can't believe Samuelsson got as much ice as he did. Play him less. He's ineffective and any player on the team could've shot that puck on net in overtime. He's slow and lazy. Oreskovich, please! At least he's big and hits people out there. He's got a dimension to his game.
Where's the scoring from the back end? I wanna see a D man get a goal from a big bomb from the point next game. Preferably Ehrhoff. He's looked shakey defensively, so he may as well make up for it with his one asset: his cannon.
Not sure why Ballard was out for Alberts? Simply more size? Idunno.
Shane O' Brien has twitter now. Follow him and make fun of him for being exploited on the game winning goal. Actually, don't. I still like that guy.
Washington got shafted tonight. Ovechkin should've gotten that penalty shot. Terrible non-call. They'll win game 4. They won't be embarrassed like that. Ovie won't allow it.
Listen to "The Dudes". They rock. Seriously, Love that band.
Sleep well, people.

xosmlxo

24 Hours to remember.

Whats up girlfriends, boyfriends, lovers-on-the-side, teammates, canadians, americans, lovers?

I finished typing my blog last night, feeling pretty alright for a Sunday night. Just in the peace and quiet of my own room. I turned on CBC to wind down for the remainder of the night, and, well, I did quite the opposite. I witnessed history, as you did, last night. The manhunt for Osama Bin Laden is over! Amazing when you think back to when the manhunt started. I was in my first month of highschool (yes, I was on time too. I'm not a fucking failure.). It's been a long time hunting around in the deserts for that guy. What the hell will Saturday Night Live use for material next year?
I feel the need to share with you how I felt when I found out about the slaying of Bin Laden. It's a bit embarrassing. I felt kind of sad, at first. Believe it or not. I think my mind traveled to all the brave people that fought out in Afghanistan (and apparently Pakistan, too?), who died, or got their bodies and minds scarred forever to just chase down one tall dude with a beard. War is a pretty stupid thing to get yourself into nowadays. I think it's outdated. Shouldn't happen.
Then, I watched the Obama speech, which was just about as badass as you can get. People have been attacking the President for being a wimp for the last little while, and for not doing much for his country. Doubt they'll do that anymore. Dude meant fucking BUSINESS when he was spittin' that flow. I was proud of him, and a bit inspired by his presence last night. Mr. W. Bush started a big fucking mess, and Barack's gonna clean it up. That's what the mentality was when he was elected, and I think that's what he's gonna do.
THEN I started to get really riled up about the killing. I thought to myself, "Am I really glad that a man got killed?" And you know what? fucking rights, I am. I hope fish are eating that piece of shit's remains at the bottom of an ocean somewhere. I was fucking scared shitless when him and his comrades drove their planes into the World Trade Centre. I was 14 years old, horomonal as fuck, and had no idea what to think. I thought I was going to have to go to war and fight for reasons that I didn't understand. I thought my friends were going to die. I thought relatives were going to die. I thought about having my arms blown off. I thought the whole world was coming to an end. I thought many things, but all of them were thoughts that were based out of spine-tingling adolescent fear. and all this only happened in a neighbouring country. I can't imagine the fear that ran through America's bones that day.
While I don't want people in this world to die, sometimes, when you fuck up badly enough...when you piss enough people off...when you scare the daylights out of enough people...when YOU YOURSELF KILL enough fucking people for no reason other than your own twisted beliefs...then ya. Kick the bucket. Buy the farm. Cash in your chips. Kiss my ass. Die, and die slow, motherfucker.
I also think that my reaction to this is normal, but there's a better way that we can all strive for. I'm human, and my thoughts and feelings are irrational. But we can learn from our mistakes, from others mistakes. From others atrocities. From our own atrocities, as I'm sure (in fact, I KNOW) that the "good guys" in this decade-long war have committing some disgusting acts. Here's a little quote for you, by someone who had it figured out.
"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
-Martin Luther King Jr.
He had it right all along.

Election day!!!! Did y'all vote? I hope so. I hope I pressured you and belittled you into feeling like such a piece of shit that you did for once. I hope, if you didn't, you think you're a rebel and that that's cool. I think you're a fucking idiot, and so does everyone else with a brain inside their skull. You're not cool.
I just wanna say one quick thing about the federal election here in Canada today. Yes, the Conservatives won a majority government, which basically means that if they want to pass a bill, they can because they'll have enough votes. I'm sure there are many of you out there are pissed off about this (I am), but I also think that it's important to take a positive out of anything. There's a new official opposition party, the New Democrats! They cleaned up! In the final corner of the race, they really turned it on. And you know what I've been hearing all over the news this evening? Do you know what experts are saying that one of the main reasons that the NDP has shocked the country and done so well? It's because they made their campaign around "change" and "positivity". Maybe we're learning something, Canada! Sure, the Conservatives only got more power tonight. But a change was made. based on positivity. Maybe we're growing more and more tired of hating. Maybe that is soooo 2010, and this decade is different. Here's hoping!

Like a good Canadian boy, I flicked between election results shows (not for American Idol...is that show still on, even?) and the hockey game. And as entertaining as the news was, the hockey game was no slouch, either! Tonnes of action! Tonnes of monster hits! Pierre Mcguire was jacked the fuck up for this game, boy! Just going bananas and screaming out where players played their junior hockey all over the place!
I think the story of the game is pretty obvious. James van Riemsdyk took the title from Pavel Datsyuk for "Best playoff performance by a forward of 2011". Fucking unbelievable. I couldn't help but laugh at how dominant he was. Me and Pierre both were just losing our shit, me privately and him in front of a bunch of people that hate his fucking guts (I, for one, dig Pierre Mcguire and think he's knowledgeable and entertaining. Annoying sometimes, but hey, he's not perfect.). Shit! they didn't even win! Pretty amazing when you're the story in a losing effort. as a skater. usually only happens with a goalie who's team forgets to play in front of him. I don't think that series is over, yet...
Question, when you think of who the best team is in the playoffs right now, who comes to mind? for me, I can't believe I'm saying this, it's Tampa Bay. Amazing.

Hope you all voted, and I hope you all make sweet sweet love tonight.

xosmlxo

Sunday Morning Coming Down

"And the beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad so I had one more for dessert."
It's a line from an old Johnny Cash song, with the same name as the title for today's blog! Excellent song, JC.
Let me first just say that I did not indulge in any alcoholic beverages last night, as I don't do that sort of thing anymore, and haven't for almost half a year (I know. Difficult to believe, right?) But I did get to thinking last night, as most people do, and I thought to myself, "what would this year's playoffs be like if I was still on the bottle?" Flashes came to my imagination very quickly, and let me tell you, those flashes were not pretty like fireworks on English Bay, they were more like flashes of military gunfire. The stress of a long Canucks game is hard enough on my overall psyche: the buildup leading up to it, the game itself, the seemingly infinite breaks in between periods, and the result (especially a loss). I am very thankful to not have a bunch of booze mixed into the picture, as I'm sure there'd be some broken fists, broken walls, missed days of work, banishments from local establishments and questionable people waking up in my apartment to add to the whirlwind my life goes through when my team is in the thick of the playoffs. Similar for you? Probably not. You're not unique and tortured and too passionate and obsessive and special like me. NO ONE CAN RELATE TO ME! YOU DON'T KNOW ME!!!! YOU DON'T KNOW! MY LIFE IS HARDER THAN YOURS! DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE SEEN IN MY 25 YEARS?!!?
obvious sarcasm aside, I was feeling pretty down last night after the Canucks loss, and while writing my blog, so I decided to watch a movie at midnight. I chose "Rabbit Hole" starring Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart. It was a lovely experience to go through, I gotta say. I hear Ms. Kidman always getting flack all the time for how "plastic" she looks, well lemme just say something about that. Ya, the woman is almost TOO aesthetically perfect (if that's possible), and I understand that thats threatening to most people. It is to me sometimes, too. Beauty is hard to look at sometimes, when it appears to come without flaws. But maybe that's flawed in itself? maybe her perfect looking face and body is a flaw for her.  I would imagine that it is. It'd be a heavy burden to carry. Physical beauty is a tough thing for the people living inside of it to deal with. Pressure is put on all of us, for our insides to match the picture that we're painted as. And I'm not just backing up Nicole Kidman here or anything, I just find it interesting that people hate on all the "beautiful people" in the world sometimes, because despite the fact that she is breathtaking to look at on a red carpet, her acting (in this movie anyway) was also breathtaking. It was a part of her heart and her soul that I got to see last night, a pretty dark part, and that was more beautiful than any shot of her in a powersuit with her hair in a bun, or her running on a treadmill. Sexy. Sexy soul.
Aaron Eckhart was really strong, too. Damn, was he pissed off in a couple of those scenes!A worthy partner to Nicole Kidman in that movie, and I've never seen him that good in anything. Must've been a real treat to work on that role, and the bastard broke my friggin heart in a couple scenes. Ya Aaron, keep hugging that dog...I'M ALL ALONE HERE WATCHING THIS, YOU KNOW?!
I was amazed after watching the movie just how powerful film can be. or just acting in general. Amazing how a glimpse of art or real humanity can take you from one place to another. Can wake a guy up out of an obsession of Canucks Canucks Canucks, and just sort of make everything a bit clearer. Wasn't the greatest movie of all time or anything, just a really nice change from all the middle aged Canadian ex-hockey players screaming on a TV screen. Good to switch things up.
HOWEVER!
There were still 2 hockey games today, that I managed to watch in the midst of doing hours and hours of household chores (part hockeynut, part domesticated man).
What up with the Motor City Maniacs? Year in, year out they're the class of the NHL. So what's with all the penalties, and CARELESS penalties too. It just seems strange to me, like maybe they're not the big powerhouse I thought they were. I thought, if anyone's gonna take the west other than the Canucks, it's gotta be the Wings. I'm starting to doubt that now. Undisciplined, unable to beat Anti Niemi, and just not playing very well in this series. Maybe the magical core they have there really is getting too old for this? Idunno.
Nice to see Ian White score today. KABLAMO! he ripped that puck. Good Manitoba Boy, from Steinbach, MB. Did you know, that you can't buy booze in Steinbach? Nope. Ya can't. However, there is, conveniently, a nice little offsale place about a stone's throw from the city limit. I bet they get a lot of business.
And in the East, TAMPA!?!?! Wow....up 2 on the Capitals, and going home to Florida. This muthafucka could be done in 4 here!! Does Budreau get fired if they lose in 4. I think so. I'd fire Nick Backstrom before I did anything. Honestly, even before Kelly Hrudey pointed it out today, I was watching him to see if he looked injured or something, but he doesn't!! He just looks uninterested and lazy. Guess who should've had Lecavalier on the overtime winner? Yup, number 19 Nick Backstrom. gliding into the slot, no effort to pick up his man. I'm pretty sure that boy has a hefty contract too....Yikes. That was a mistake, Mr. George Mcphee. Biggest disappointment in the playoffs so far. Between him and Henrik Sedin. Wonder if one of them will decide that it's on them to put the puck in the net? That's such a joke when he's got guys like Laich, Chimera, and Ovechkin playing their asses off every shift, and he's just loafing it out there. What a bum. I'd never have him on one of my teams.
Is there a more likeable player in the league that Marty St. Louis? I don't think so. I just love the guy. He's smaller than everyone on the ice, but he's tenacious as fuck out there, but he goes about it the right way, and he does it with a touch of class. but not pussyish class, with hockey class. A little fire, but clean all the way. I'll cheer for that little frenchman any day of the week. And that 3rd line too. Best line in the playoffs right now. Unbelievable how that happens almost every year. Random line combinations come out of nowhere to produce points. Bergenheim, Downie and Moore have been just awesome for them. Canucks third line has been good too. San jose's, same thing. Gotta love those "lunchpail" players.
That's all for now. A little early today.
Tomorrow is May 2: what does that mean, people!!???VOTE V-O-T-E. I literally will have no respect for you if you don't vote, tomorrow. Skip work if you have to. If you don't vote, just flat out don't speak til the next election because I won't find anything you say relevant. And if you do work up the gumption to speak to me, always know that a little part of me is laughing my ass off at you for how stupid I think you are. when you are in the middle of telling me about your horrific break up, or your grandmothers long battle with Lupus, part of me will be laughing at you because you could've had a say in health care or tax breaks for commonlaw partners. If you need a shoulder to cry on, go ahead, use mine..if you vote tomorrow. If not, kiss my ass. Idiots.
For those that are voting!!!!, good on ya. especially if you're a first time voter. Way to go, you'll seriously feel good afterwards, even if your vote didn't get into parliament. You'll still feel like you did something. Seriously. Fucking Paris Hilton votes, and she's dump-as-a-stump. You should, too.

xosmlxo