comin' home

Big Bad Beetle Borgs,

Hello! Long time, no speak! I took a few days off. I was stressed out on my business trip, so there. I admit it, I get stressed out sometimes. I am not perfect.  Many of you will never understand what it is like to work for 12 hours a day in a hazardous environment, but many of you do understand that. I understand it, because I am doing it. That's just the kind of man I am. My collar is blue. My testicles are massive.
Over the last few days, I have been able to do a lot of thinking. Mostly about the Stanley Cup, but other things too. I thought about getting a tattoo on my forearm of a poorly-drawn demon so I could fit in with "the boys". I also thought about growing a foot to fit in with "the boys". I thought of referring to a non-existent girlfriend as `the ollady``. Buying a Harley on a whim. Participating in a Lumberjack competition (those exist, by the way. and they`re televised).
I also read some incredible magazine articles. Check out the Gentlemen`s Quarterly with Zak Galafianakis on it and read the story about the 3 island boys and their tale of survival. It`s fucking unbelievable. 51 days stranded in the middle of the pacific ocean with nothing but a bottle of vodka and a dozen coconuts. Just read it, I`m sure you can look it up online. It`s a good read.
Read something about boredom, and how it`s good for humans to be bored, or a certain type of boredom is, because it`ll eventually propel us into action. I am a person who HATES to be bored, therefore I rarely am. I like being bored for about one section of a day over the course of the week. This meaning I like to do absolutely nothing for an afternoon on a Sunday, for example. What I got from this article is basically, if you`re bored all the time, you suck, but eventually your brain or body will make you snap out of it somehow and you`ll end up curing that boredom. Likely with drug abuse, heavy masturbation, or Jersey Shore marathons. So don`t get bored, or you`ll die.
Speaking of Jersey Shore, while in Sechelt, I got a sense that I was in a reality show. I`d sit in the pub across from my hotel, and every person in there knew each other. The ladies all tanned WAY too much, and all the dudes clearly took steroids. I was just waiting for 2 of these broads to scrap it out in the parking lot, or for 2 of the dudes to slap each other and hide behind their crew. Lucky for I, Me left before it got to that point. Didn`t see any smooshing either.
Beautiful place, Sechelt is. Same with Gibsons. When it`s sunny, it`s utopia.
I`m not gonna give you my pick for the finals yet, although I`m sure you can guess who I think will win. I`m also not gonna talk about Manny Malhotra coming back, because I already talked about that weeks ago, and said that he`d play and, well. Ya. He`s gonna play.
I almost cried watching his interview yesterday. Like a dude watching `Brian`s Song`.
What I am gonna do, though, is tell you how Boston might be able to beat Vancouver....if I do in fact choose Vancouver to win the cup.
1. Tim Thomas is capable of stealing games. He could steal 4.
2. Daniel and Henrik haven`t played well against a `shutdown duo`. Seabrook and Keith in round 1, Weber and Suter in round 2. Now they have Chara and Seidenberg to deal with. Hopefully they carry their momentum from the flogging they flogged on the sharks, and the Big Zidiot and his right-hand man will be a small obstacle.
3. Boston has big forwards. Big, mean sons-of-bitches. They hit hard. Harder than anyone the Canucks played this playoffs. Think Ben Eager, but with a little more skill. Real hockey player`s hockey players. This could pose real problems for the Canucks strong defense corps. They`ve been so strong so far, and when Rome or Ehrhoff falls, Ballard or Tanev pick up the slack. But what if Bieksa or Hamhuis gets pasted into the boards? Can Sami Salo or Alex Edler be a horse on the backend?
5. If Kesler`s tank is empty.
Don`t get me started on the Conspiracy Theory that Gary Bettman hates Vancouver and Canada and will make sure that Vancouver won`t win the Stanley Cup and that Boston will because it`s a `sexy` market and good for the league. Fuck that, it`s hogwash, and conspiracy rheories in general are just fucking stupid. I read an article on conspiracy theories and how they`re fucking stupid, too, so I`m not the only one that hates them. The guy was saying how they`ve ruined society and nobody trusts anybody. It`s a little much, because there are a bunch of other variables that go into why no one trusts anyone, but he`s right. ugh, I just want to slap people that waste my time telling me that Cobain was murdered. Or JFK was an assisted suicide. SHUT UP.
I also read an interview with Werner Herzog. He`s one crazy, yet pretty enlightening fellow. I guess thats what makes him Werner Herzog. Anyhoo, Buddy said that he thinks Psychology is one of the great tragedies of the last century. Everyone`s gotta know everything about themselves and why they are the way they are. I kind of agree with him. It`d be boring to have all the answers.
Prediction tomorrow. Good talking to you.

I saw a dude with a green mustache and a blue goatee the other day. And I thought my playoff beard ruled.

xosmlxo