You don't need originality to be cool. You don't, trust me on this one. I could keep that Bieksallent sweater up for years and still be worshipped throughout Canucks/Leyzer Nation. The only people receiving more praise for their recent efforts are Barack Obama, Kevin Bieksallent himself, and the lady that flashed her boobs at Ben Eager in the penalty box today.
Let's start off with what, surely, everyone will be talking about after tonight's dirty beating: the boobs. It happened, seriously. Youtube that shit. Girl just walks up to the penalty box when Eager's sitting in there, and whips them out! Thanks, anonymous girl. Thanks alot. Now there's gonna be girls flashing their breasts all over the city. You've started a revolution, and if there's one thing I know for certain, it's that nobody likes a revolutionary. You don't see people rocking Ché Guevara shirts, now do you? Shame on you. I'm sure there will be tonnes of Vancouverites that feel the same way as I do about your actions.
Kidding. I say go for it. The more boobs, the better during this Cup run. fuck it, everyone just get buck-ass naked and go bananas! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
So, I decided (along with a friend) that we should start a Kevin Bieksa Fan Club. Feel free to ask me for more details. The only thing I know for sure is that you must love Kevin Bieksa more than you love your Grandmother, and you must refer to all members, including Kevin Himself, and "Your Bieksallency". That's all I have for now.
Good on him for fighting Marleau tonight. Marleau sticked him in the groin. That's enough to send any man into a frenzy, but not Bieksallent. Nope. He was a perfect gentleman, and waited for Marleau (not a fighter by any means) to drop his gloves first, throw the first punch, and then proceeded to whoop his Saskatchewan ass. I must say, it was a gutsy move on Marleau's part, and it definitely lit a fire under his teams ass, but the fire just turned them all into a bunch of morons. Not the outcome he wanted, I'm sure. Especially because he took such a smooth beating out there, and his teammates didn't repay him with any offensive output. What is it about a hockey fight that just makes a guy wanna knock some heads around? Is it just me? I'm all aggressive and ready to throw DOWN right now? Who wants some? Fuck it, I'll fight you Ben Eager, I don't care if you're related to me. I only met you once, anyhow. I'll fight you. Fuck it, I'll fight drunken hate-mailers too.
*bashes head against the wall*
*rips out his 2 front teeth with his bare hands*
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! BIG FUCKING WIN TONIGHT!
Convincing. Balanced. Disciplined. "Rome"antic. Bieksallent.
Is Bieksa hearing whispers about a Conn Smythe trophy now? I hope so. He's a close second to Kesler now, in my expert opinion. He's scoring the big goals, he's sound as fuck defensively, he melting dude's faces. He lacks a mustache. What more can you aks for?!?!?!
The 3rd line was great, AGAIN! The Sedins got to show off their wizardry AGAIN! Luongo was solid, AGAIN, PEOPLE! YES!!!!!
Word to Ryan Clowe: Max Lapierre never fights anyone. He's a coward. an effective hockey player, but a coward. Try fighting someone else.
My only concern is this: You've pissed off an excellent team, Vancouver. They're PISSED! Now they have 48 hours to harness that anger and use it constructively. They got embarassed. We might see a different, faster, even meaner San Jose squad on Friday. Can we match it? You bet your Bieksallence we can.
xosmlxo
You know, that was exactly what I was thinking last night. Watch out guys, don't beat them too badly, don't destroy them 'cause the only thing they can do then is come back stronger. Like a phoenix from the ashes. But I don't think a shark can rise from the ashes. First of all its fried fish by then and secondly, how the fuck can it rise? All it has is fins...just flopping around in the ashes...
ReplyDeleteMan.. we beat them, then we crushed them, and then we just went ahead and totally destroyed them. I couldn't believe Eager...what an idiot LOL How do you go back to your locker room after that?! He was so funny, taunting in the box, taunting Lou, while the whole time he basically self destroyed his team's chances. I don't think I would put him back in. He was like that friend who just seems to have snapped, and for some just reasons, but now has lost it and is behaving so loud and bad, like he doesn't give a fuck about the world, that you almost feel embarrassed. That is if it wasn't so funny and fruitful for the Canucks. 7-3 that's crazy! They shoulda just gone home after the second.
i am having issues. some of my thoughts about His Bieksallency have been inappropriate. is that appropriate?
ReplyDeleteOlivier,
ReplyDeleteSee, we are not as dumb as we look. Of course the Sharks would take game III after their game II embarrassment. I hope your comments are not repeated to my father regarding Ben Eager after a few pops on the long weekend, or you may have to get the wives to referee a fight, although, between you and I, I'm with ya on the Ben Eager front.
Bill, I would be shocked and appalled if you didn't have inappropriate thoughts about His Bieksallency. I am certain that he lives in your neck of the woods, too, so be prepared to conceal a boner while walking down the street at any time. I actually strolled past him once on the street and thought "wow, he's really handsome in person". His beauty shines far beyond the ice surface.