Okay, Leyzertons and Leyzerites,
You look for Waldo, while I fly down to San Jose and find Ben Ferriero so that he can put a puck past a goalie in overtime for us. Who the fuck is that guy, anyways? I heard Chris Cuthbert's jagged bottom row of teeth say his name last night maybe twice, and all of a sudden he's a hero. ON HIS BIRTHDAY?! wow, good night for him. I'm a bit surprised that the coach put him on in overtime...musta hadda hunch.
The good news for the Flyers is that none of the goals scored today were really Boucher's fault before he got yanked (again), so at least maybe he'll play good in game 2. They just flat out stunk today. It was sickening, mostly because I just hate seeing Boston do anything good on a day-to-day basis. Bastards. Also good news for Flyers fans: it was only game 1, and we all remember what happened last year. The Canucks almost pulled a "boston" this year. So go ahead, Philly. Lose the next 2. Rest up, and just put Roman Checkmanek in the pipes. Give Reg Leach a bottle of rye and put him out as your starting centre. Let Bob Clarke play with 8 fingers. You'll be fine. Just start the regular lineup in game 4, make sure Claude Giroux scores a timely goal, and let history repeat itself. It's just that easy for y'all.
If I could find a similarity in the game between the Canucks and Predators (boooooo fuck you Nashville), and in the game between the Capitals and Lightning it was this: that one team had the upperhand for most of the game, until a shitty flukey goal turned the tides and swung in favour of a lesser team. I don't think Washington will have that difficult of a time stepping up in game 2 and taking it. And I kind of hope that they do win badly, so that I can hear more audio of Lightning head coach Guy Boucher. Dude is HILARIOUS! And smart, too. Deliberately saying that his team is underdogs, which a smirk hidden behind a dead serious face and a dead serious scar on his cheek (how can I get me one of those?). It's probably pissing Bruce Budreau right off, not that that's a monumental feat or anything.
Okay, the quick blurbs on the other series are over, now time to talk Canucks. Yay! Another relatively boring game! woooo! at least we had overtime to liven us up tonight, eh? Even if the play is overtime is congested and boring, the fact that it's overtime makes our boners perk up a bit, doesn't it people? So, the critics were right, and Nashville did play better today (obviously, they won...), but I didn't think they played WAY better. I thought it was more a case of the Canucks not being able to bury their numerous chances, personally. ya, Pekkerhead Rinne made some beautiful saves, and some solid positional ones too, but really. I think you're all thinking what I'm thinking.
WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU DANIELS AND HENRIK SEDIN! I'm officially tired of this, or, as Youtube Sensation "Tourette's Guy" puts it, "I'M SICK N TIRED OF THIS CHICKEN SHIT BULLSHIT!" Seriously, when's it gonna end?!? I realize that they are most effective in the cycle game, and they're masters of getting good body position along the boards, and masters of threading the needle for jaw dropping passes. And they've been doing that here and there in the playoffs. But, again, stats don't lie. Henrik lead the league in points last year, and his brother did this year, therefore, by using simple logic, they should lead the playoffs in scoring. right? That's what's expected of them, in my eyes. I expect them to get a few points a night, because that's what happens almost everytime they play. Hasn't happened in the playoffs. I've heard all the excuses, that they're hurt, that they're weak on the puck (true), that they lack tenacity (true), that they aren't good defensively (true), but not I'm just tired of hearing the damn excuses. Time to sack up, Twins. You don't wanna fucking lose to Nashville, do you?
Sad thing is, it's very much a possibility now. By not capitalizing on their chances (GO TOP CHEDS WHEN THE GOALIE IS HAVING A SEIZURE ON HIS BACK!!!), they've let a less talented team back in the series. Let them back in so they can sneak 3 more goals behind our excellent goalie (ya, that was his fault on the first one, but physical mistakes happen sometimes) and they could squeak out 3 more wins. Just get that first one Joel Ward, Matt Halischuk, Steve Sullivan or any other no-name foot soldier, that you could very well punch your ticket to the conference final, and we in Vancouver can...idunno, don't even want to think about it.
Fuck it, while I'm at it, enough of praising Ryan Kesler for how hard he checks. I heard Ray Ferraro say on the radio during the Chicago series, while speaking about Johnathan Toews defensive prowess, something along the lines of "ya, that's all well and good, but you pay guys $500 000 to do that." Well, Rayzor's a smart cat, and that applies to Kesler too. Still no goals, buddy. Ya you forecheck hard, and backcheck harder, but now your team is 1-1 in a series against a shittier team and you still haven't scored. You've gotten robbed a few times already this series. You're taking shots from the top of the circle that go right into Pekka Rinne's chest. Fact is, YOU ARE NOT PRODUCING.
Kesler scored 41 goals in the regular season. 0 in the playoffs. Slumps happen, but this is fucking ridiculous. I'm glad you're hungry and wanna win and apparently should be named to my "All Beautiful" Team according to most broads, but you're gonna be awfully hungry in the summer golfing and thinking about next year if you don't start BURYING THE COPIOUS CHANCES YOU GET A GAME! fuck! come on, let's go here!
That's enough of this. Lapierre, Bieksa, and Luongo were my three canucks stars tonight. Maybe Raymond, too, but he, like Kesler can skate like the wind. It's expected, now go out and fucking score.
xosmlxo
Saturday, 30 April 2011
Thursday, 28 April 2011
zzzzzzzzzzzz.....
HUH!? WHAT!? oh God, I'm so sorry, I totally just dozed off and almost forgot to write this blog. I'll do the blog, though, don't worry. Just gimme a sec here to sorta snap out of it.
Okay. Good. Thanks for your patience. I thought the Canucks played pretty poorly tonight. The puck was bouncing all over the place, their passes seemed a few inches off almost all the time, and the game just lacked emotion. I guess, if I'm comparing it to the heart-attackfest that was 2 nights ago, there was 0 emotion, but for a regular game, there was still very little umpph to the game. It was just a strange game with no flow. Really weird. Even the goal was weird. Nice shot by Higgins, but mass confusion after he went bar-down. By that point, I was so sunken into my seat with boredom that I didn't even scream. No fistpumps. No looks to the heavens (as if God is blessing ME with a Canucks goal, that's a funny thought. Read Andre Agassi's book. I'm like Michael Chang). There was a CLIPPING penalty in the game. That was weird, and also probably the most exciting part of the game. Seriously, how can you call that when the guy he hit is 5'8" and 290lbs of pure Inuk brute force? It's pretty much impossible to get low enough to clip him....but, remember what I said in a previous blog, never listen to me when I say the word "pretty much"...
Lucky for all of us here in the Lower Mainland and for all of Canucks Nation (that exists now, didn't you know?), we got away with one. That's the wrong term to use, because it's not like we were outplayed. We just were given a "gimme", as they say in drunken-or-amateur-or-definitely-both golfing. We didn't show up today, but we're up 1-0. Fuck it, I'll take what I can get, and I'm sure if you're a Canucks fan you will too.
Nashville was AWFUL tonight. Not quite as bad as the Canucks in games 4 and 5 of last series (forever the "measuring stick" of poor playoff performances for the remainder of time), but just lifeless. I think they, like us, have to really take some time tomorrow and get their heads into the series. Start playing with a purpose again. The last round is over, and now there's a new story to write. I hope Grapes was right when he said the next game will be 10 times better and more intense.
Speaking of Grapes, I thought he was probably the most entertaining piece of the broadcast tonight. How the fuck did he pick all 3 of Boston's overtime heroes?! who does that!!?? Seriously, in all my years of watching playoff hockey, I always pick a guy from each team to score in overtime, and I don't think I've ever been right. He goes 3 for 3 in a series. There's something not human about that old timer, and boy oh boy I tell ya, ya gotta love Grapes! O. Kay! Who do we got next here ohhh right Dougie Gilmour, my buddy, Kingston Ontario....Okay, Leyzer: Grapes impression only good when spoken to a crowd of hockey fans. The written word doesn't do it justice.
Our moods from the game were similar tonight, me and him. I caught myself laughing at just how BORING it was, and he was cracking jokes left, right and centre about guys falling asleep. Let's face it, Canucks fans, we got spoiled this week....We're not gonna top that this year, unless...well you know.
I do think that you're gonna see a goalie duel this series. I think Luongo is really loose now, and a loose Lui isn't something to fuck with. Even if a soft one goes in on him, I think he bounces back. He won me over after game 7.
I'm still waiting, Hank and Danny.....cam annnnnn...when are you two nice men gonna get mean and start embarrassing the other team??? Hank showed a little flash and dash and ooh and awe tonight, so maybe it'll be Saturday when they arrive.
Man! seriously, that game SUCKKKKKED. Yikes. What else happened? OH YA! hhaha.
couple things not hockey related:
1. Okay, does Frank D'Angelo or whatever the fuck his name is make your skin crawl, too? That dude is all kinds of scary-looking. I hate him, and I don't even know who he is! Is he endorsing a line of motorcycles or energy drinks? What is that?!! ugh, I don't even want to keep talking about him because his devilish grin and centre-part in his hair are going to make me lose sleep tonight. and DON'T wish me good luck, Frank, okay? I don't need luck, and I don't believe in luck. Seriously, I don't. No such thing, in my opinion. But I certainly don't need some random dude who's important enough to attach his full name to an ad about something to wish anything for me. Fuck Frank D'Angelo and the horse he rode in on.
2. That ad for The Keg that they play on Hockey Night in Canada is strange as fuck too. What's with all the lady-teeth? That's all I see in that commercial. Funny thing is, I have this thing where I'm attracted to women with big teeth (note: teenage girl-on-Justin Beiberesque love affair with Jennifer Heil and also a brief stint as a child of wanting to do something sexual with Nancy Kerrigan...don't think I knew what sex was when I was feeling what I was feeling, but I wanted something. Probably kisses), so you'd think I'd be into this ad. NOPE! I think its gross because the broad's in it all look like they're wearing dentures or something. They're not even hot in the first place, but there's bad lighting on their teeth that just make the screen blind me. No wonder I'm putting visine in my eyes everynight! they're burned! Those chicks would have pink teeth from the belinis or whatever the fuck they're drinking anyways. probably some steak spice caught in their teeth, too. and one would smell like B.O. I don't even know what's going on in the ad, I just see teeth and average-looking women disguised as hot, successful females. I like my women like I like my moguls skiiers, looking just like Jennifer Heil...ohhh yaaaaa.
Well, I'm hittin' the road tomorrow, bright n early, gotta pay the bills. It'll be nice to see the sunrise on the highway though. that's 1 for the Canucks, just three more to go. I'd say "good job, boys" or "fuckin eh rights, fellas", but I wouldn't be meaning it, so I won't. Pretty blahhh effort, but a win is a win is a win.
I will miss PK Subban until October. He's a treat. Drew Doughty, too. same with Richardson and Clifford also from LA. Look forward to seeing Sid and Malkin back next year too. Pittsburgh might be a beast next year. I will also miss Nathan Gerbe and Tyler Ennis, the Buffalo Dwarves. Solid effort, boys. Oh, and I will miss when Cammalleri scores and is all business. Who can do that after they score a big goal like he did in game 6? I'd be headbutting the glass til I got sent to the quiet room.
Goodnight, Sexmachines.
xosmlxo
Okay. Good. Thanks for your patience. I thought the Canucks played pretty poorly tonight. The puck was bouncing all over the place, their passes seemed a few inches off almost all the time, and the game just lacked emotion. I guess, if I'm comparing it to the heart-attackfest that was 2 nights ago, there was 0 emotion, but for a regular game, there was still very little umpph to the game. It was just a strange game with no flow. Really weird. Even the goal was weird. Nice shot by Higgins, but mass confusion after he went bar-down. By that point, I was so sunken into my seat with boredom that I didn't even scream. No fistpumps. No looks to the heavens (as if God is blessing ME with a Canucks goal, that's a funny thought. Read Andre Agassi's book. I'm like Michael Chang). There was a CLIPPING penalty in the game. That was weird, and also probably the most exciting part of the game. Seriously, how can you call that when the guy he hit is 5'8" and 290lbs of pure Inuk brute force? It's pretty much impossible to get low enough to clip him....but, remember what I said in a previous blog, never listen to me when I say the word "pretty much"...
Lucky for all of us here in the Lower Mainland and for all of Canucks Nation (that exists now, didn't you know?), we got away with one. That's the wrong term to use, because it's not like we were outplayed. We just were given a "gimme", as they say in drunken-or-amateur-or-definitely-both golfing. We didn't show up today, but we're up 1-0. Fuck it, I'll take what I can get, and I'm sure if you're a Canucks fan you will too.
Nashville was AWFUL tonight. Not quite as bad as the Canucks in games 4 and 5 of last series (forever the "measuring stick" of poor playoff performances for the remainder of time), but just lifeless. I think they, like us, have to really take some time tomorrow and get their heads into the series. Start playing with a purpose again. The last round is over, and now there's a new story to write. I hope Grapes was right when he said the next game will be 10 times better and more intense.
Speaking of Grapes, I thought he was probably the most entertaining piece of the broadcast tonight. How the fuck did he pick all 3 of Boston's overtime heroes?! who does that!!?? Seriously, in all my years of watching playoff hockey, I always pick a guy from each team to score in overtime, and I don't think I've ever been right. He goes 3 for 3 in a series. There's something not human about that old timer, and boy oh boy I tell ya, ya gotta love Grapes! O. Kay! Who do we got next here ohhh right Dougie Gilmour, my buddy, Kingston Ontario....Okay, Leyzer: Grapes impression only good when spoken to a crowd of hockey fans. The written word doesn't do it justice.
Our moods from the game were similar tonight, me and him. I caught myself laughing at just how BORING it was, and he was cracking jokes left, right and centre about guys falling asleep. Let's face it, Canucks fans, we got spoiled this week....We're not gonna top that this year, unless...well you know.
I do think that you're gonna see a goalie duel this series. I think Luongo is really loose now, and a loose Lui isn't something to fuck with. Even if a soft one goes in on him, I think he bounces back. He won me over after game 7.
I'm still waiting, Hank and Danny.....cam annnnnn...when are you two nice men gonna get mean and start embarrassing the other team??? Hank showed a little flash and dash and ooh and awe tonight, so maybe it'll be Saturday when they arrive.
Man! seriously, that game SUCKKKKKED. Yikes. What else happened? OH YA! hhaha.
couple things not hockey related:
1. Okay, does Frank D'Angelo or whatever the fuck his name is make your skin crawl, too? That dude is all kinds of scary-looking. I hate him, and I don't even know who he is! Is he endorsing a line of motorcycles or energy drinks? What is that?!! ugh, I don't even want to keep talking about him because his devilish grin and centre-part in his hair are going to make me lose sleep tonight. and DON'T wish me good luck, Frank, okay? I don't need luck, and I don't believe in luck. Seriously, I don't. No such thing, in my opinion. But I certainly don't need some random dude who's important enough to attach his full name to an ad about something to wish anything for me. Fuck Frank D'Angelo and the horse he rode in on.
2. That ad for The Keg that they play on Hockey Night in Canada is strange as fuck too. What's with all the lady-teeth? That's all I see in that commercial. Funny thing is, I have this thing where I'm attracted to women with big teeth (note: teenage girl-on-Justin Beiberesque love affair with Jennifer Heil and also a brief stint as a child of wanting to do something sexual with Nancy Kerrigan...don't think I knew what sex was when I was feeling what I was feeling, but I wanted something. Probably kisses), so you'd think I'd be into this ad. NOPE! I think its gross because the broad's in it all look like they're wearing dentures or something. They're not even hot in the first place, but there's bad lighting on their teeth that just make the screen blind me. No wonder I'm putting visine in my eyes everynight! they're burned! Those chicks would have pink teeth from the belinis or whatever the fuck they're drinking anyways. probably some steak spice caught in their teeth, too. and one would smell like B.O. I don't even know what's going on in the ad, I just see teeth and average-looking women disguised as hot, successful females. I like my women like I like my moguls skiiers, looking just like Jennifer Heil...ohhh yaaaaa.
Well, I'm hittin' the road tomorrow, bright n early, gotta pay the bills. It'll be nice to see the sunrise on the highway though. that's 1 for the Canucks, just three more to go. I'd say "good job, boys" or "fuckin eh rights, fellas", but I wouldn't be meaning it, so I won't. Pretty blahhh effort, but a win is a win is a win.
I will miss PK Subban until October. He's a treat. Drew Doughty, too. same with Richardson and Clifford also from LA. Look forward to seeing Sid and Malkin back next year too. Pittsburgh might be a beast next year. I will also miss Nathan Gerbe and Tyler Ennis, the Buffalo Dwarves. Solid effort, boys. Oh, and I will miss when Cammalleri scores and is all business. Who can do that after they score a big goal like he did in game 6? I'd be headbutting the glass til I got sent to the quiet room.
Goodnight, Sexmachines.
xosmlxo
Wednesday, 27 April 2011
round. 2.......FIGHT!
Coughup Hairballs,
What beauties you are. The above picture has multiple meanings...fuck, sometimes it scares me how deep I am. Always with the mystery, Leyzer. No one can ever pin me down. Just when you think i've curled up into a little ball of wimp and introversion, I decide to write this world-changing blog, and fuck up everyone's shit. Give them something to enjoy, critque, masturbate to, be embarrassed about, tell their friends about and enjoy! Did I say that already? Yup. Repetition is okay sometimes. practise makes perfect. Remember that if you wanna fucking do something with your life.
What was I talking about? oh ya. Myself. Just when you think I'm gonna - well, you get the point. I pride myself on my unpredictability. A riddle wrapped in a sweaty Canucks T-shirt, I am. A puzzle between 2 thick eyebrows that were once one. I could go on and on and on, and really, I'd like to sit here and write about myself, my inner most feelings and desires (you know who you are ;)), but alas...
The 1st round of the playoffs is officially OVER! and not without it's drama! Shit was fucktup, right? All the crazy calls and non-calls, teams blowing massive leads, goalies playing absolutely awful, teams playing absolutely awful (will we ever forget games 4 and 5, Vancouver...I fucking hope we don't.), likely heroes, unlikely heroes. It's always a shitshow in the 1st round. And that's what I fucking love about it. Any huge surprises in the matchups? Not really, no. In the East, seeds 1,2,3 and 5 advance. In the west...same fucking thing. And really, those 4 vs 5 matchups are almost always a toss up. So no Cinderella coming in the backdoor this year. a powerhouse is gonna win the stanley cup. an organization that has everything going as planned at the moment. I don't even want to begin to predict who's gonna take this muth...
But I'll give it a go. I'm a gamer, ladies and fuckfaces. I'd throw anyone under the bus to be great. My best friend. Pfffft, I have no best friends when it comes to playoffs. My TV is all that matters. And Ray Ferraro. I will push myself a million miles beyond the limit to give a prediction that is wise. If I don't, then who am I? Just a handsome devil wasting a bunch of fingerstrength on his keyboard when I could be opening pickle jars for old ladies.
Here.
We.
GOOOOO!
DETROIT vs SAN JOSE
I have a really strong feeling for this one. I gotta take the Wings. Marshall Mathers is from Detroit (as mentioned in prior blogs, I believe) and he pumps me the fuck up and makes my inner fuck up wanna take back what I fucked up. Kid Rock is from Detroit, and he reminds me "White is not Right" as previously thought by our ancestors. Although....He did make me laugh a lot in "Joe Dirt"...but, he made everyone in the WHOLE WORLD laugh in that movie! Cuz it's a fucking masterpiece! More important than these 2 pieces of trash though...Ryan Kesler is from a suburb of Detroit, and he just might be my favourite player of all time when this things all said and done.
Plus, when actually looking at the series, Detroit was so solid against Phoenix (I know I know...it's Phoenix), Pavel Datsyuk won one game by himself. and he didn't have to win the other three in pretty convincing fashion, because he had...let's go down the list here: Lidstrom, Holmstrom, Fransen (whoooo's Franzen?), Cleary, HELM, Abdelkader, Kronwall, Rafalski, and good ol' Kris Draper for a few shifts carrying the weight. Who he didn't have? Henrik Zetterberg. He's Datsyuk with a perma-beauty beard. Who he WILL have in this round? Henrik Zetterberg.
The Sharks have been a mess so far. Sure, they beat a young, tough, fiesty team in LA, but with such inconsistency!!! Yikes. You never know what team's gonna show up. They are deep upfront, but their lack of D would have me shitting in my bedsheets at night if I was Todd McClellan or Neil Young. Neil Young probably does shit his bedsheets regularly. Their best defenseman, Olympic gold medallist Dan Boyle has been a huge smelly piece of turd this playoffs. What is wrong with him? he's won everything already, shouldn't it be as easy as just going out there and executing? I thought hockey players weren't human beings!!!!
It could be a long series, but I'm gonna bet against that. Wings in 5ive.
everay budday get up, sing atttt 1 2 3 4! 5ive'll make ya get down, yaaaaa get on down. uh.
VANCOUVER vs. NASHVILLE
I'm still abuzz from last night. But I'm also objective. I'm reasonable. Unpredictable and reasonable. That's me. I did a blurb on this match up last night. We're even steven in net. 2 Vezina candidates, both have been great in the playoffs and both have probably thought about being a librarian in Elbow, Saskatchewan, where people would still probably recognize them and subsequently ridicule them. Probably start their combine on fire.
Both teams are VERY solid on Defense. I'm glad Sami Salo got injured in that last series, because Ballard was actually really good last night, and now I don't have to wonder everytime Salo hits the ice when he's going to spontaneously combust. It's just one less thing to worry about. Welcome back to Vancouver, Shane O'Brien. You're gonna have fun here. I still like you. You're charismatic. and a damn good depth defenseman in my opinion. Feel free to spend alot of your time here not in The Roxy, but beside the Green Men. I'm sure you will.
So, upfront we SHOULD dominate these fucking nobodies. If, If, If. If Hank and Dank get going....ohhhh boy, look the fuck out world. I think they're being too cute at the moment, looking for the perfect opportunity. Just not grimey enough. If Kesler plays like his life depends on it like last game, and his linemates play their best hockey as Canucks too. fuck, I could go on forever, but can we not all agree that everyone but Henrik and Daniel played their best games as Canucks at forward last night?
We should have the edge there, we should win this series. I'm not picking a sweep this time though. NUX IN SIX!!
TAMPA BAY vs. WASHINGTON
Washington powered through their first round. Tampa came roaring back to win theirs. Idunno?!!? My gut is telling me that Washington's gonna win. They both have the big offensive guns up front, great depth (Tampa really showed theirs this round. I was unaware of it until now), and both teams are getting stellar goaltending. It's a tossup, really. Let's give it to Ovie and the boys, see if they can make a run 1 year too late. The longer I can watch Ovechkin play, the better.
Caps in 7
BOSTON vs PHILADELPHIA
First off, Fuck you Boston for taking out the Habs. I hated you before that, I've hated you since I was a wee lad, and I still hate you. I laughed when you lost to the Flyers last year, and I HOPE you go up 3-0 again this year, and the Flyers come back and spank you. The only thing is, I don't think it's going that far this year. I just like Philly in this one. They have that resilience to them. Like they're never out of any game. Pronger's getting healthier every game.
But what if Philly's revolving door falls apart? I think that's the only question. You know Timmy Thomas will be game.
Philly in 5 IF their goaltending doesn't fuck it up for them.
There we have it, All. My picks for this round.
Quick note about last night: I deeply regret not going downtown after the game last night. I hear it was magic. Win this round, Canucks, so I can enjoy it. I might even make a public appearance downtown to watch a series clincher if there is one. I hope there is. I BELIEVE!!!! AND YOU SHOULD TOO! GET ON THE BANDWAGON OR GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE!!!!!! WOOOOOO!
this is gonna be fun.
xosmlxo
What beauties you are. The above picture has multiple meanings...fuck, sometimes it scares me how deep I am. Always with the mystery, Leyzer. No one can ever pin me down. Just when you think i've curled up into a little ball of wimp and introversion, I decide to write this world-changing blog, and fuck up everyone's shit. Give them something to enjoy, critque, masturbate to, be embarrassed about, tell their friends about and enjoy! Did I say that already? Yup. Repetition is okay sometimes. practise makes perfect. Remember that if you wanna fucking do something with your life.
What was I talking about? oh ya. Myself. Just when you think I'm gonna - well, you get the point. I pride myself on my unpredictability. A riddle wrapped in a sweaty Canucks T-shirt, I am. A puzzle between 2 thick eyebrows that were once one. I could go on and on and on, and really, I'd like to sit here and write about myself, my inner most feelings and desires (you know who you are ;)), but alas...
The 1st round of the playoffs is officially OVER! and not without it's drama! Shit was fucktup, right? All the crazy calls and non-calls, teams blowing massive leads, goalies playing absolutely awful, teams playing absolutely awful (will we ever forget games 4 and 5, Vancouver...I fucking hope we don't.), likely heroes, unlikely heroes. It's always a shitshow in the 1st round. And that's what I fucking love about it. Any huge surprises in the matchups? Not really, no. In the East, seeds 1,2,3 and 5 advance. In the west...same fucking thing. And really, those 4 vs 5 matchups are almost always a toss up. So no Cinderella coming in the backdoor this year. a powerhouse is gonna win the stanley cup. an organization that has everything going as planned at the moment. I don't even want to begin to predict who's gonna take this muth...
But I'll give it a go. I'm a gamer, ladies and fuckfaces. I'd throw anyone under the bus to be great. My best friend. Pfffft, I have no best friends when it comes to playoffs. My TV is all that matters. And Ray Ferraro. I will push myself a million miles beyond the limit to give a prediction that is wise. If I don't, then who am I? Just a handsome devil wasting a bunch of fingerstrength on his keyboard when I could be opening pickle jars for old ladies.
Here.
We.
GOOOOO!
DETROIT vs SAN JOSE
I have a really strong feeling for this one. I gotta take the Wings. Marshall Mathers is from Detroit (as mentioned in prior blogs, I believe) and he pumps me the fuck up and makes my inner fuck up wanna take back what I fucked up. Kid Rock is from Detroit, and he reminds me "White is not Right" as previously thought by our ancestors. Although....He did make me laugh a lot in "Joe Dirt"...but, he made everyone in the WHOLE WORLD laugh in that movie! Cuz it's a fucking masterpiece! More important than these 2 pieces of trash though...Ryan Kesler is from a suburb of Detroit, and he just might be my favourite player of all time when this things all said and done.
Plus, when actually looking at the series, Detroit was so solid against Phoenix (I know I know...it's Phoenix), Pavel Datsyuk won one game by himself. and he didn't have to win the other three in pretty convincing fashion, because he had...let's go down the list here: Lidstrom, Holmstrom, Fransen (whoooo's Franzen?), Cleary, HELM, Abdelkader, Kronwall, Rafalski, and good ol' Kris Draper for a few shifts carrying the weight. Who he didn't have? Henrik Zetterberg. He's Datsyuk with a perma-beauty beard. Who he WILL have in this round? Henrik Zetterberg.
The Sharks have been a mess so far. Sure, they beat a young, tough, fiesty team in LA, but with such inconsistency!!! Yikes. You never know what team's gonna show up. They are deep upfront, but their lack of D would have me shitting in my bedsheets at night if I was Todd McClellan or Neil Young. Neil Young probably does shit his bedsheets regularly. Their best defenseman, Olympic gold medallist Dan Boyle has been a huge smelly piece of turd this playoffs. What is wrong with him? he's won everything already, shouldn't it be as easy as just going out there and executing? I thought hockey players weren't human beings!!!!
It could be a long series, but I'm gonna bet against that. Wings in 5ive.
everay budday get up, sing atttt 1 2 3 4! 5ive'll make ya get down, yaaaaa get on down. uh.
VANCOUVER vs. NASHVILLE
I'm still abuzz from last night. But I'm also objective. I'm reasonable. Unpredictable and reasonable. That's me. I did a blurb on this match up last night. We're even steven in net. 2 Vezina candidates, both have been great in the playoffs and both have probably thought about being a librarian in Elbow, Saskatchewan, where people would still probably recognize them and subsequently ridicule them. Probably start their combine on fire.
Both teams are VERY solid on Defense. I'm glad Sami Salo got injured in that last series, because Ballard was actually really good last night, and now I don't have to wonder everytime Salo hits the ice when he's going to spontaneously combust. It's just one less thing to worry about. Welcome back to Vancouver, Shane O'Brien. You're gonna have fun here. I still like you. You're charismatic. and a damn good depth defenseman in my opinion. Feel free to spend alot of your time here not in The Roxy, but beside the Green Men. I'm sure you will.
So, upfront we SHOULD dominate these fucking nobodies. If, If, If. If Hank and Dank get going....ohhhh boy, look the fuck out world. I think they're being too cute at the moment, looking for the perfect opportunity. Just not grimey enough. If Kesler plays like his life depends on it like last game, and his linemates play their best hockey as Canucks too. fuck, I could go on forever, but can we not all agree that everyone but Henrik and Daniel played their best games as Canucks at forward last night?
We should have the edge there, we should win this series. I'm not picking a sweep this time though. NUX IN SIX!!
TAMPA BAY vs. WASHINGTON
Washington powered through their first round. Tampa came roaring back to win theirs. Idunno?!!? My gut is telling me that Washington's gonna win. They both have the big offensive guns up front, great depth (Tampa really showed theirs this round. I was unaware of it until now), and both teams are getting stellar goaltending. It's a tossup, really. Let's give it to Ovie and the boys, see if they can make a run 1 year too late. The longer I can watch Ovechkin play, the better.
Caps in 7
BOSTON vs PHILADELPHIA
First off, Fuck you Boston for taking out the Habs. I hated you before that, I've hated you since I was a wee lad, and I still hate you. I laughed when you lost to the Flyers last year, and I HOPE you go up 3-0 again this year, and the Flyers come back and spank you. The only thing is, I don't think it's going that far this year. I just like Philly in this one. They have that resilience to them. Like they're never out of any game. Pronger's getting healthier every game.
But what if Philly's revolving door falls apart? I think that's the only question. You know Timmy Thomas will be game.
Philly in 5 IF their goaltending doesn't fuck it up for them.
There we have it, All. My picks for this round.
Quick note about last night: I deeply regret not going downtown after the game last night. I hear it was magic. Win this round, Canucks, so I can enjoy it. I might even make a public appearance downtown to watch a series clincher if there is one. I hope there is. I BELIEVE!!!! AND YOU SHOULD TOO! GET ON THE BANDWAGON OR GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE!!!!!! WOOOOOO!
this is gonna be fun.
xosmlxo
Tuesday, 26 April 2011
good things come in 3's.
annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd BREATHE, Canuckleheads!,
How fucking beautiful was that? That was special. Period. Philly just beating the snot out of Buffalo....kidding.
What I really wanna write about is Montreal getting it DONE ON HOME Ice......no, I don't really but I hope they win tomorrow. Do you love Michael Cammalleri as much as I?
.....
CANUCKS WIN GAME SEVEN! IN OVERTIME! THE DRAGON IS SLAYED! HAWKS SAWK HAWKS (that's Flin Flon talk for "fuck you Chicago")
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? What is it with overtime, series clinching goals that makes people really fucking horny?! What is that?! I'm sure there's chemical and biological reasons that I'm not really concerned about, I just find it fascinating! Once I left the Canuck Kingdom (what i'm calling the house where i've been watching the playoffs), walking through the misty night, listening to car honking and cheering from all over the city, all I could think about was sex. Well, that's not true. I'd go from sex, to the goal briefly, and back to sex. So, a proposition for my loyal followers: Find me a playoff girlfriend. I certainly don't want to go to the trouble of courting a woman, and having to go through all the pleasantries that happen before you fall in love. Let's just me and this hypothetical girlfriend use our mutual love of the Canucks to by-pass all of that garbage that we hate, and move straight into celebration sex. I don't have time, so my loyal followers must do the work.
She Must Be:1. hot
2. over the age of 18
3. under the age of....oh fuck that.
4. an enthusiastic Canucks fan.
That is all that is required. Oh wait.
5. must be reasonably intelligent.
So there you have it, loyal followers: A challenge for you while we gear up to meet the Nashville Predators...and yes, a Carrie Underwood lookalike will suffice for the above mentioned girlfriend. I suppose...
So.
To be,
or not to be.
That is the question.
Right? good things come in 3's. Or good drama, rather. the ultimate question. the meaning of life, in three parts. For all of you that have never read that quote before (i would imagine there are a few out there), I'll give it to you in hockey terms: "You want the puck on your stick, you don't want the puck on your stick. That's what it boils down to when the series and the game goes deep"
More 3's for you. We won three, that was act 1. Chicago won 3. That was act 2. Act 3 came to Rogers arena on this beautiful Tuesday night. The 3rd act had to break the tension. I had been thinking of the number 3 all day today for some reason. The only explanation is that I was so stressed out all day by going over all the possible outcomes and ups and downs and comebacks and penalties and beatdowns on the streets in my head, and I had to leave it up to numbers and math, the universal language, to put my heart at ease. So as the number 3 is doing figure 8's around my head, I thought "Well it's gotta be Hank. Hank's gonna have a big game." He kind of stunk tonight, eh? Had the game on his stick and he dished it to the backdoor...But nevertheless, the boys bailed out their captain who's been of all series.
But, of course, numbers don't lie. 4-1 = 3. Alex Burrows's number is 14. Close enough. 3 goals were scored in the game, Burrows had 3 chances to score.
3 is the number of hairs Patrick Kane will shave off his face this evening.
3rd time's a charm for Vancouver to slay their dragon.
Doesn't it feel fucking good, people? Yes, it does! It's relieving. It's inspiring. Those guys saw no other option tonight than a W. That was the only thing that was happening. Didn't you know after taking one look at Luongo during "Oh Canada" that he was there? In the present, ghosts and goblins and demons and hairgel all stuffed in his locker, far far away from the ice surface.
Has a Canuck EVER wanted it as bad as Ryan Kesler tonight? Maybe Linden in 1994...MAYBE. Kesler wanted that more than anything in his life. I think he said that even in an interview, and I 100% believe him. He wanted to be.
The depth players were stellar. They generated WAY more opportunities than I expected. I thought maybe one of our trade deadline acquisitions was gonna pull through for us tonight. Nice work, there Mike Gillis.
The defense, in the words of Mike Tyson, impregnable. Hamhuis looked like he's actually won a playoff series. Bieksa is turning into a must-sign in the off season. He's a heart and soul guy you can really lean on. He's a Canuck. His blood is Blue, Green, Silver, Purple, Burgundy, Red, Orange, Yellow and Black.
Maybe the next series is the Sedins coming out party. Let's hope.
I just loved the effort tonight, man. That was a treat to be a part of, and something I'll never forget. Courage personified. Heart personified. Let us also not forget how Burrows scored that goal. I told you FUCKERS! YOU CAN'T STOP A HALF CLAP TOP CHEDS! IMPOSSIBLE! believe in that shit and kids, start doing it all the time. you'll never lose if you go top cheds, and you'll certainly never lose with a half clap.
Let's not assume we won the cup though, people. Nashville is a VERY fucking good team. They get it done without a star forward. their 3rd and 4th lines are playing like 2nd lines on any team. that's scary when you have 4 2nd lines. very balanced and playing inspired hockey. Luongo's nominated for the Vezina this year for the leagues best goalie. Guess who's gonna win it? Nashville's goalie, Pekka Rinne. (say his name like you're singing The Macarena...it's hilarious. heyyyyyy Pekka Rinne!). And if you thought Chicago's defense was unstoppable, our forwards will have fun getting through Shea Weber and Ryan Suter. the best 1, 2 punch in the NHL. The second coming of Keith and Seabrook...only bigger and meaner. Sorry to say folks, but we're in for another long series.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to listen to a lullabye. It's this song by The Fratellis, called Chelsea Dagger. It brings me to a place of Zen now. Thank you, Canucks.
xosmlxo
How fucking beautiful was that? That was special. Period. Philly just beating the snot out of Buffalo....kidding.
What I really wanna write about is Montreal getting it DONE ON HOME Ice......no, I don't really but I hope they win tomorrow. Do you love Michael Cammalleri as much as I?
.....
CANUCKS WIN GAME SEVEN! IN OVERTIME! THE DRAGON IS SLAYED! HAWKS SAWK HAWKS (that's Flin Flon talk for "fuck you Chicago")
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? What is it with overtime, series clinching goals that makes people really fucking horny?! What is that?! I'm sure there's chemical and biological reasons that I'm not really concerned about, I just find it fascinating! Once I left the Canuck Kingdom (what i'm calling the house where i've been watching the playoffs), walking through the misty night, listening to car honking and cheering from all over the city, all I could think about was sex. Well, that's not true. I'd go from sex, to the goal briefly, and back to sex. So, a proposition for my loyal followers: Find me a playoff girlfriend. I certainly don't want to go to the trouble of courting a woman, and having to go through all the pleasantries that happen before you fall in love. Let's just me and this hypothetical girlfriend use our mutual love of the Canucks to by-pass all of that garbage that we hate, and move straight into celebration sex. I don't have time, so my loyal followers must do the work.
She Must Be:1. hot
2. over the age of 18
3. under the age of....oh fuck that.
4. an enthusiastic Canucks fan.
That is all that is required. Oh wait.
5. must be reasonably intelligent.
So there you have it, loyal followers: A challenge for you while we gear up to meet the Nashville Predators...and yes, a Carrie Underwood lookalike will suffice for the above mentioned girlfriend. I suppose...
So.
To be,
or not to be.
That is the question.
Right? good things come in 3's. Or good drama, rather. the ultimate question. the meaning of life, in three parts. For all of you that have never read that quote before (i would imagine there are a few out there), I'll give it to you in hockey terms: "You want the puck on your stick, you don't want the puck on your stick. That's what it boils down to when the series and the game goes deep"
More 3's for you. We won three, that was act 1. Chicago won 3. That was act 2. Act 3 came to Rogers arena on this beautiful Tuesday night. The 3rd act had to break the tension. I had been thinking of the number 3 all day today for some reason. The only explanation is that I was so stressed out all day by going over all the possible outcomes and ups and downs and comebacks and penalties and beatdowns on the streets in my head, and I had to leave it up to numbers and math, the universal language, to put my heart at ease. So as the number 3 is doing figure 8's around my head, I thought "Well it's gotta be Hank. Hank's gonna have a big game." He kind of stunk tonight, eh? Had the game on his stick and he dished it to the backdoor...But nevertheless, the boys bailed out their captain who's been of all series.
But, of course, numbers don't lie. 4-1 = 3. Alex Burrows's number is 14. Close enough. 3 goals were scored in the game, Burrows had 3 chances to score.
3 is the number of hairs Patrick Kane will shave off his face this evening.
3rd time's a charm for Vancouver to slay their dragon.
Doesn't it feel fucking good, people? Yes, it does! It's relieving. It's inspiring. Those guys saw no other option tonight than a W. That was the only thing that was happening. Didn't you know after taking one look at Luongo during "Oh Canada" that he was there? In the present, ghosts and goblins and demons and hairgel all stuffed in his locker, far far away from the ice surface.
Has a Canuck EVER wanted it as bad as Ryan Kesler tonight? Maybe Linden in 1994...MAYBE. Kesler wanted that more than anything in his life. I think he said that even in an interview, and I 100% believe him. He wanted to be.
The depth players were stellar. They generated WAY more opportunities than I expected. I thought maybe one of our trade deadline acquisitions was gonna pull through for us tonight. Nice work, there Mike Gillis.
The defense, in the words of Mike Tyson, impregnable. Hamhuis looked like he's actually won a playoff series. Bieksa is turning into a must-sign in the off season. He's a heart and soul guy you can really lean on. He's a Canuck. His blood is Blue, Green, Silver, Purple, Burgundy, Red, Orange, Yellow and Black.
Maybe the next series is the Sedins coming out party. Let's hope.
I just loved the effort tonight, man. That was a treat to be a part of, and something I'll never forget. Courage personified. Heart personified. Let us also not forget how Burrows scored that goal. I told you FUCKERS! YOU CAN'T STOP A HALF CLAP TOP CHEDS! IMPOSSIBLE! believe in that shit and kids, start doing it all the time. you'll never lose if you go top cheds, and you'll certainly never lose with a half clap.
Let's not assume we won the cup though, people. Nashville is a VERY fucking good team. They get it done without a star forward. their 3rd and 4th lines are playing like 2nd lines on any team. that's scary when you have 4 2nd lines. very balanced and playing inspired hockey. Luongo's nominated for the Vezina this year for the leagues best goalie. Guess who's gonna win it? Nashville's goalie, Pekka Rinne. (say his name like you're singing The Macarena...it's hilarious. heyyyyyy Pekka Rinne!). And if you thought Chicago's defense was unstoppable, our forwards will have fun getting through Shea Weber and Ryan Suter. the best 1, 2 punch in the NHL. The second coming of Keith and Seabrook...only bigger and meaner. Sorry to say folks, but we're in for another long series.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to listen to a lullabye. It's this song by The Fratellis, called Chelsea Dagger. It brings me to a place of Zen now. Thank you, Canucks.
xosmlxo
Monday, 25 April 2011
Twas the night before...
The most important game of the millenium for the Vancouver Canucks. Not going to continue ripping off the Christmas Carol, but you get the idea. Same sort of feeling. Restless tonight. Nervous. Still hurting from yesterday.
Things I Will Need Tomorrow
1. Many cigarettes.
2. My unwashed Canucks gear.
3. A massage from any woman who likes hockey, doesn't talk about it (inquiring about it is fine. Having an opinion is encouraged. Curiosity is good.), and fully supports my passion (don't fucking call it obsession or I'll punch you) of hockey.
4. Not sleep in for work, like I did today - GO ALARMCLOCK GO!
5. TO NOT FEEL AS SAD AS I DID YESTERDAY!!!!!
seriously, that was not cool. I was in a fog all day. I even went as far as to notify a fellow Canucks fan that the sun did NOT, in fact, come out today. I can hope for tomorrow. In fact, that will be the common theme of this blog I believe (we'll see if I can write in a theme by just doing it off the cuff): hope.
What more is left to do? For the Canucks players, they're the better team, they should be prepared. They can only hope that they can impose their gameplan on the Blackhawks and hope that it is too powerful to match. Hope that the Sedins can get a few points each. Hope that Kesler can keep Johnny Toews off the scoresheet, and get on it himself. Hope the bottom 6 forwards can create a little offense, defend well, and bang some blackhawk around. Hope they win the battles along the boards. Hope their celebrated defensive core jump up on the rush. Hope that same defensive core punish along the boards in their end. HOPE LUONGO IS READY TO ROCK. I'm still hoping for Schneider to start, and I've been beating my baseball analogy to death here. But fuck it, I'll repeat it. It's not the end of Roberto Luongo's career if they start Schneider and Vancouver wins. Corey Schneider is merely pinch hitting or pinch running for his boy. No big deal. It's a team game. Luongo's confidence will be fine if he doesn't have to go tomorrow. If he doesn't start tomorrow and they lose, he's still a bum to everyone in Vancouver. But if he plays and plays as he has in the past 3 games....well, I don't even want to speculate what might happen. I'd consider retirement if I was him, honestly. If Schneider starts, and they win. Go ahead and start Luongo in game 1 of the next series. He can have a glance at his stats and say to himself "no big deal, I can do this.". Goalies are weird people.
Of course, best case and least likely scenario: Luongo starts, and makes 25 saves for the win. Or he steals a game, I guess.
But all this blabbering means very little. It's all left up to chance now. and all we Canucks fans can do is hope. We can cheer, curse Dave Bolland's seriously ugly face, pretend we don't like Johnny Toews for another game, pretend we don't wish we had Duncan Keith in our celebrated defensive core to play with Bieksa (Leyzer's first star last night.), slap highfives, get slapped by girls we try to make out with, all that good stuff. But we must hope. If not, why watch?
Who will win tomorrow? Well, I'm not going to pull a Mark Messier and guarantee anything. I won't even pull a Leyzer and "pretty much guarantee" anything. (Pretty Much Guaranteeing is something I would accidentally do as a young man. I would Pretty Much Guarantee that I would get laid on a saturday night, and be puking in a gutter by 9pm. A Pretty Much Guarantee is as good as ratshit.). I will say that I hope the team that deserves it wins. We're even so far. Let's snap the even stevenness, eh boys?
San Jose, Detroit, Nashville and Vancouver/Chicago is the second round in the West.
Nothing decided in the East, though. 2 series are going 7 games after today. I'm not really surprised that Tampa came back. How are you supposed to stop the puck if you're Marc-Andre Fleury and Ryan Malone goes "Halfclap, top cheds" on you? It's impossible to stop. Conner should've thought of that before duffing his penalty shot from hell. You can't stop my blogs namesake. Remember that.
I think Tampa might pull this one out. If you're just looking at the teams cores, they have the edge. More star power, more grit, more pure talent, Who is Pittsburgh's core, anyways? a bunch of runoff from a turd Sidney Crosby took, that's who.
Nice celly, Joe Thornton....yikes.
Remember when he couldn't perform in the playoffs? it happens sometimes to good players. the world will not end if Vancouver loses. Big Joe keeps coming back every year.
Vigneault will be fired if we lose. For sure. They won't blow up the team or anyth----FUCK! WHAT AM I DOING?!?!?!? ENOUGH OF THIS! IF I DON'T VISUALIZE, IT WILL NOT HAPPEN.
Let's just hope, people. We are the better team, and the better team should win. the officiating stunk last game, ya. and I love what Gillis did today. turns a pubichair of focus away from Luongo and on the Zebras, even if for just tonight.
Let's get mean tomorrow. Chicago's such a meaner town than Vancouver. We're sportsmanlike and fair. Fuck that. Make the Hawks never wanna fucking come back here again if you're at the game. If you're not. Make them feel you from home. Put your junk on the table. Let's take what's ours. Fuck the Hawks.
xosmlxo
Things I Will Need Tomorrow
1. Many cigarettes.
2. My unwashed Canucks gear.
3. A massage from any woman who likes hockey, doesn't talk about it (inquiring about it is fine. Having an opinion is encouraged. Curiosity is good.), and fully supports my passion (don't fucking call it obsession or I'll punch you) of hockey.
4. Not sleep in for work, like I did today - GO ALARMCLOCK GO!
5. TO NOT FEEL AS SAD AS I DID YESTERDAY!!!!!
seriously, that was not cool. I was in a fog all day. I even went as far as to notify a fellow Canucks fan that the sun did NOT, in fact, come out today. I can hope for tomorrow. In fact, that will be the common theme of this blog I believe (we'll see if I can write in a theme by just doing it off the cuff): hope.
What more is left to do? For the Canucks players, they're the better team, they should be prepared. They can only hope that they can impose their gameplan on the Blackhawks and hope that it is too powerful to match. Hope that the Sedins can get a few points each. Hope that Kesler can keep Johnny Toews off the scoresheet, and get on it himself. Hope the bottom 6 forwards can create a little offense, defend well, and bang some blackhawk around. Hope they win the battles along the boards. Hope their celebrated defensive core jump up on the rush. Hope that same defensive core punish along the boards in their end. HOPE LUONGO IS READY TO ROCK. I'm still hoping for Schneider to start, and I've been beating my baseball analogy to death here. But fuck it, I'll repeat it. It's not the end of Roberto Luongo's career if they start Schneider and Vancouver wins. Corey Schneider is merely pinch hitting or pinch running for his boy. No big deal. It's a team game. Luongo's confidence will be fine if he doesn't have to go tomorrow. If he doesn't start tomorrow and they lose, he's still a bum to everyone in Vancouver. But if he plays and plays as he has in the past 3 games....well, I don't even want to speculate what might happen. I'd consider retirement if I was him, honestly. If Schneider starts, and they win. Go ahead and start Luongo in game 1 of the next series. He can have a glance at his stats and say to himself "no big deal, I can do this.". Goalies are weird people.
Of course, best case and least likely scenario: Luongo starts, and makes 25 saves for the win. Or he steals a game, I guess.
But all this blabbering means very little. It's all left up to chance now. and all we Canucks fans can do is hope. We can cheer, curse Dave Bolland's seriously ugly face, pretend we don't like Johnny Toews for another game, pretend we don't wish we had Duncan Keith in our celebrated defensive core to play with Bieksa (Leyzer's first star last night.), slap highfives, get slapped by girls we try to make out with, all that good stuff. But we must hope. If not, why watch?
Who will win tomorrow? Well, I'm not going to pull a Mark Messier and guarantee anything. I won't even pull a Leyzer and "pretty much guarantee" anything. (Pretty Much Guaranteeing is something I would accidentally do as a young man. I would Pretty Much Guarantee that I would get laid on a saturday night, and be puking in a gutter by 9pm. A Pretty Much Guarantee is as good as ratshit.). I will say that I hope the team that deserves it wins. We're even so far. Let's snap the even stevenness, eh boys?
San Jose, Detroit, Nashville and Vancouver/Chicago is the second round in the West.
Nothing decided in the East, though. 2 series are going 7 games after today. I'm not really surprised that Tampa came back. How are you supposed to stop the puck if you're Marc-Andre Fleury and Ryan Malone goes "Halfclap, top cheds" on you? It's impossible to stop. Conner should've thought of that before duffing his penalty shot from hell. You can't stop my blogs namesake. Remember that.
I think Tampa might pull this one out. If you're just looking at the teams cores, they have the edge. More star power, more grit, more pure talent, Who is Pittsburgh's core, anyways? a bunch of runoff from a turd Sidney Crosby took, that's who.
Nice celly, Joe Thornton....yikes.
Remember when he couldn't perform in the playoffs? it happens sometimes to good players. the world will not end if Vancouver loses. Big Joe keeps coming back every year.
Vigneault will be fired if we lose. For sure. They won't blow up the team or anyth----FUCK! WHAT AM I DOING?!?!?!? ENOUGH OF THIS! IF I DON'T VISUALIZE, IT WILL NOT HAPPEN.
Let's just hope, people. We are the better team, and the better team should win. the officiating stunk last game, ya. and I love what Gillis did today. turns a pubichair of focus away from Luongo and on the Zebras, even if for just tonight.
Let's get mean tomorrow. Chicago's such a meaner town than Vancouver. We're sportsmanlike and fair. Fuck that. Make the Hawks never wanna fucking come back here again if you're at the game. If you're not. Make them feel you from home. Put your junk on the table. Let's take what's ours. Fuck the Hawks.
xosmlxo
Sunday, 24 April 2011
Seventh Hell
Happy Easter Beauticians,
Hope you all stuffed your pretty faces with food today. I know I sure did. So I'm just a tad upset right now (yes I realize the same ended a couple hours ago), so this may be a short little blog here tonight.
First off, I thought Buffalo was really gonna close out the series today, but those pesky Flyers find a way to WIN WITHOUT GOALTENDING (Vancouver: TAKE NOTE), so they're off to seventh heaven with Buffalo. Fuck that's been a good series, eh? Lots of emotion, high scoring except when Ryan Miller decides that that's not going to be the case. Just a real treat of a series, and that kind of surprised me.
Bigtime congrats to Nashville for winning their 1st playoff series in franchise history. I was just thrilled to see Jordin Tootoo be named "McGuire's Monster" tonight!!! If that's not a dream of yours that you'll never fufill, then I feel sorry for you. We all know that the best dreams are the ones that are actually impossible! keep dreaming, losers! I know I do! Set the bar so high you can't touch it, even with the help from God. Yes! DO IT! It's healthy! ohhhhh boy am I not in a good mood tonight. Just all over the place with my mood swings.
Thank God I have a friend that's a devote Christian, and this latest Canucks defeat fell on the day in which he is probably most in-touch with his inner prophet. I received some calming texts from him that can sort of get me by for a few minutes, but after the lustre of his positive attitude wears off, what's left?
For me, it feels a bit like a really good breakup. A man can wear hatred in sticker-form on his forehead for a broad for years, and that's just fine with him. So if the Canuckleheads were to come out tonight, and really suck the game's dick, I'd probably be fine with that. Good riddance, you bunch of fucking choke artists. I never loved you anyways. In fact, I never even liked you, and you suck in bed. and your dad's an asshole. and your sister's hotter than you. I don't like the smell of your perfume. You get the idea...Such was not the case tonight, though. They did everything they could to make this relationship work, and it just didn't. And somehow that hurts even worse, doesn't it? :(.
I thought the boys played their fucking hearts out. Dominated the shit out of the boards tonight, outskated the Blackhawks, outchanced them, just flat out played a better game. The better team lost tonight, and that happens sometimes. Happened to Chicago in game 3.
buuuut....as my blog picture explains, I think there was an Italian pink elephant on the ice tonight that made the difference. Did you all jump out of your seats when you found out Schneider was starting? I know I fucking did. Did you not breathe a sigh of relief? I thought of it as a pinch-hit in baseball when the batter in your lineup has terrible numbers against a particular foe. You just replace him with the next guy. Stats don't lie. So all was well. Ballsy move by Vigneault, and that might've been a job-saving move if they would've won tonight. And ya, Schneider misplayed the pucks behind his net, which cost us 2 goals. But he didn't look anywhere CLOSE to as shakey was Bobby Lu when he got in. I'm not even gonna waste my time shooting down Luongo, because it's not any good to let that shit out into the universe, and more importantly, I don't feel any anger towards him. I feel sorry for the guy. That was painful to watch, like a drunk uncle at a family reunion trying to tell you about how he was young just like you once. Just so hard to watch. He fought every shot, no matter how benign, off like the plague. He's so rattled, I don't think it's good for his overall health to be playing hockey tonight. He just really believes that he can't win a series against chicago. He needs a shrink. Forget that he's an athlete that's paid 10 million dollars this year. Not his fault someone offered him that money, i'd take it too. He's just not equipped to play this game against the blackhawks, unless he gets some psychological help, according to him. ALL of his teammates answered the bell tonight. it's not in their heads judging by the effort tonight. But it's certainly in his. My heart goes out to the poor wealthy guy. He's probably in a world of hurt tonight.
You know what else though? Know what I think MIGHT help if they don't plop a shrink down beside him on the flight home tonight? I think there's something to be said about the power of a team. I think the boys could really build him up, so that if Schneider's hurt still and he has to go in game 7 (heaven forbid, although I think it might be easy to watch because he won't stop anything...), he could play. I think there's alot of be said about positivity, and maybe the boys will lift him up. Isn't that what the games all about anyways? when someone misses an assignment, you pick up the slack? It's possible. Not probable, but possible.
Fucking wild game tonight.
Guess I gotta put Duncan Keith on the All-Manitoba team, now. Just found out that he was born in Winnipeg. Fuck.
Might be adding another Blackhawk Manitoban after game 7 too....hopefully not.
Have the Canucks emptied their tank?
How fucked up is Schneider?
How dope is his mask?
Are all Bruins fans racist? I only ever hear them boo when the lone African-American touches the puck...interesting.
Send positive thoughts my way, as I am seriously sad about tonight. I don't ask often, but please do so. Tough loss.
xosmlxo
Hope you all stuffed your pretty faces with food today. I know I sure did. So I'm just a tad upset right now (yes I realize the same ended a couple hours ago), so this may be a short little blog here tonight.
First off, I thought Buffalo was really gonna close out the series today, but those pesky Flyers find a way to WIN WITHOUT GOALTENDING (Vancouver: TAKE NOTE), so they're off to seventh heaven with Buffalo. Fuck that's been a good series, eh? Lots of emotion, high scoring except when Ryan Miller decides that that's not going to be the case. Just a real treat of a series, and that kind of surprised me.
Bigtime congrats to Nashville for winning their 1st playoff series in franchise history. I was just thrilled to see Jordin Tootoo be named "McGuire's Monster" tonight!!! If that's not a dream of yours that you'll never fufill, then I feel sorry for you. We all know that the best dreams are the ones that are actually impossible! keep dreaming, losers! I know I do! Set the bar so high you can't touch it, even with the help from God. Yes! DO IT! It's healthy! ohhhhh boy am I not in a good mood tonight. Just all over the place with my mood swings.
Thank God I have a friend that's a devote Christian, and this latest Canucks defeat fell on the day in which he is probably most in-touch with his inner prophet. I received some calming texts from him that can sort of get me by for a few minutes, but after the lustre of his positive attitude wears off, what's left?
For me, it feels a bit like a really good breakup. A man can wear hatred in sticker-form on his forehead for a broad for years, and that's just fine with him. So if the Canuckleheads were to come out tonight, and really suck the game's dick, I'd probably be fine with that. Good riddance, you bunch of fucking choke artists. I never loved you anyways. In fact, I never even liked you, and you suck in bed. and your dad's an asshole. and your sister's hotter than you. I don't like the smell of your perfume. You get the idea...Such was not the case tonight, though. They did everything they could to make this relationship work, and it just didn't. And somehow that hurts even worse, doesn't it? :(.
I thought the boys played their fucking hearts out. Dominated the shit out of the boards tonight, outskated the Blackhawks, outchanced them, just flat out played a better game. The better team lost tonight, and that happens sometimes. Happened to Chicago in game 3.
buuuut....as my blog picture explains, I think there was an Italian pink elephant on the ice tonight that made the difference. Did you all jump out of your seats when you found out Schneider was starting? I know I fucking did. Did you not breathe a sigh of relief? I thought of it as a pinch-hit in baseball when the batter in your lineup has terrible numbers against a particular foe. You just replace him with the next guy. Stats don't lie. So all was well. Ballsy move by Vigneault, and that might've been a job-saving move if they would've won tonight. And ya, Schneider misplayed the pucks behind his net, which cost us 2 goals. But he didn't look anywhere CLOSE to as shakey was Bobby Lu when he got in. I'm not even gonna waste my time shooting down Luongo, because it's not any good to let that shit out into the universe, and more importantly, I don't feel any anger towards him. I feel sorry for the guy. That was painful to watch, like a drunk uncle at a family reunion trying to tell you about how he was young just like you once. Just so hard to watch. He fought every shot, no matter how benign, off like the plague. He's so rattled, I don't think it's good for his overall health to be playing hockey tonight. He just really believes that he can't win a series against chicago. He needs a shrink. Forget that he's an athlete that's paid 10 million dollars this year. Not his fault someone offered him that money, i'd take it too. He's just not equipped to play this game against the blackhawks, unless he gets some psychological help, according to him. ALL of his teammates answered the bell tonight. it's not in their heads judging by the effort tonight. But it's certainly in his. My heart goes out to the poor wealthy guy. He's probably in a world of hurt tonight.
You know what else though? Know what I think MIGHT help if they don't plop a shrink down beside him on the flight home tonight? I think there's something to be said about the power of a team. I think the boys could really build him up, so that if Schneider's hurt still and he has to go in game 7 (heaven forbid, although I think it might be easy to watch because he won't stop anything...), he could play. I think there's alot of be said about positivity, and maybe the boys will lift him up. Isn't that what the games all about anyways? when someone misses an assignment, you pick up the slack? It's possible. Not probable, but possible.
Fucking wild game tonight.
Guess I gotta put Duncan Keith on the All-Manitoba team, now. Just found out that he was born in Winnipeg. Fuck.
Might be adding another Blackhawk Manitoban after game 7 too....hopefully not.
Have the Canucks emptied their tank?
How fucked up is Schneider?
How dope is his mask?
Are all Bruins fans racist? I only ever hear them boo when the lone African-American touches the puck...interesting.
Send positive thoughts my way, as I am seriously sad about tonight. I don't ask often, but please do so. Tough loss.
xosmlxo
Saturday, 23 April 2011
He's back! Stronger, Handsomer, Smarterer, and Beardier than EVER!
West Coast. West Coast,
Had to take an off-day yesterday. It is speculated that it was for religious reasons, but nah. God's the man and all, but I just wanted to let this blog breathe a little bit, so I could come back stronger than ever. I'm sure Lance Armstrong has days off. Obama. Hitler. Ted Danson. All hard-working fellas, all probably took days off. Know who else has off days? THE CANUCKS! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SNAP! Ya, so the fuck what? I haven't recovered from Thursday yet. Big fucking deal. I'm human. I'm allowed to grieve. I'm allowed to be resentful to a group of guys I've never met before who somehow have an active part in my day-to-day activities.
I'd like to stay that I spent my off-day hidden from the world in my basement suite, watching hockey in my sweatpants and Josh Hamilton jersey, but such is not the case. I decided, "no Leyzer! NO! You're not gonna sit around and sulk all fucking day. You're gonna get out there and carpe the fuck out of this diem and you're gonna do everything in your power to make this sunny Good Friday roll into a beautiful long weekend despite the Canucks putting together the worst 60 minutes of hockey they could possibly put together." So what did I do, you ask? Ya, I fucking drove to work, dropped a truck off (in Richmond), and jogged home in the sun. Without a shirt. According to the reflective busstops, I looked pretty damn good. Almost in summertime form.
Buffalo is FOR REAL, even though Philly was missing Pronger and Carter. There's something special about this little Sabres team,but Esche, er, Chechmanek, er, Hextall, er, Boucher, er who the fuck was in net for the Flyers again?....shouldn't have let out that juicy rebound to Wee Little Tyler Ennis. a Flyer goalie fucks up...wow, big surprise! Go Sabres!
and GO PREDATORS! I always think that a good sign that a team might make a run in the playoffs is when their grinders are putting points up. Nashville has the luxury of having almost no non-grinders on their team, so it's easy for me to think that they're gonna go deep this year. I think Tootoo is playing unbelievable. Reminiscent of his junior days. Hope they take the series.
ummm...Bobby Ryan...that was ridiculous.
So, like I said earlier, the Rangers are done. Not a big surprise there. Just not deep enough to get outta this round. Although, I do agree with Pierre Mcguire when he was saying something along the lines of them having a bright future. It's true. They're just a few years off from being a beast in the east. Like Bam Bam Bigelow or Rosie O Donnell. (are they siblings?)
Mike Green HAS TO have a concussion after taking the biscuit in the bucket. Fuck, that would be loud, eh?
What's funny though, is I don't quite believe in Washington just yet. I think they run a tight ship, and they have a really solid core, but I gotta see them make it through the next round for me to imagine them hoisting the holy grail. Love Ovechkin though. No one touches his level of excitement. Not even close.
I think all the sports psychologists that were likely in Vancouver over the past couple days have all left YVR this evening, and headed straight to Pittsburgh. The fuck was that?!?! yikes....Way to let Stamkos wake up. At least Vancouver hasn't let Toews snipe any yet....yet.........I mean, how does a handsome bugger like me even blog about something like that? what can I say? That one goal was insane, they made like 9 passes in Pittsburgh's zone before potting it. Here's where Nice Man Dan Bylsma's highly-praised coaching will come into play, I think. Can he rally the plethora of plugs from Pittsburgh to wrap this muthafucka up? For some reason I believe, probably because HBO brainwashed me into thinking that Dan Bylsma can do anything with a pat on the back and a few kind words.
Habs Bruins: Another classic, in my opinion. Those 2 goalies made some really delicious saves, especially the one Thomas made late in overtime. I thought it was a really even game, and I thought it was kinda cool to see the 3rd line for Montreal score. They were playing hard, and Lars Eller played like another Danish player did for his Canadian pro hockey team in game one of the playoffs this year. I hope Montreal doesn't get too down after the loss, because I felt like Cammalleri and Gionta are just hitting their playoff stride now. They looked dangerous all night, especially Cammalleri. Props to Don Cherry for picking Nathan Horton to score the winner, too. Has Don Cherry ever been wrong about ANYTHING! The older and wiser I get, the more I think he hasn't.
PJ Stock's quirky, and sort of the anti-CBC hockey announcer, but seriously? He can't put together a sentence....You'd think someone would help him out with that. I liked him when he played in the NHL, so I kind of want him to be good on the air, but he may as well be speaking jibberish. His boyish good looks are not sufficient enough to give sports updates.
Finally, how about Johnathan Quick tonight? 50+ saves. After watching Price, Thomas, and even Neuvirth for Washington today, I thought the top-cheds tending was done for the night. No dice! He was unbelievable, and quite the opposite to his counterpart, Stanley Cup winner Anti Niemi....yikes. He was BAD.
So San Jose has the same decision as Vancouver to make. Do you start the guy with the big contract, or do you start the other guy, who isn't letting everything that comes near him in the net? I think both franchises are gonna go with their go-to guy, but it's less likely in San Jose. Frankly i'm not comfortable with either Schneider or Luongo in net tomorrow. I'm not comfortable with tomorrow. Period. I have the Vancouver Panic Syndrome BIG TIME! Someone stuff some valium in my turkey tomorrow, please! Or I'll look like the baby at the top of the blog! Get some rest tonight, Canucks fans. Don't piss your bed. You think Henrik's injured? I don't.
xosmlxo
Had to take an off-day yesterday. It is speculated that it was for religious reasons, but nah. God's the man and all, but I just wanted to let this blog breathe a little bit, so I could come back stronger than ever. I'm sure Lance Armstrong has days off. Obama. Hitler. Ted Danson. All hard-working fellas, all probably took days off. Know who else has off days? THE CANUCKS! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SNAP! Ya, so the fuck what? I haven't recovered from Thursday yet. Big fucking deal. I'm human. I'm allowed to grieve. I'm allowed to be resentful to a group of guys I've never met before who somehow have an active part in my day-to-day activities.
I'd like to stay that I spent my off-day hidden from the world in my basement suite, watching hockey in my sweatpants and Josh Hamilton jersey, but such is not the case. I decided, "no Leyzer! NO! You're not gonna sit around and sulk all fucking day. You're gonna get out there and carpe the fuck out of this diem and you're gonna do everything in your power to make this sunny Good Friday roll into a beautiful long weekend despite the Canucks putting together the worst 60 minutes of hockey they could possibly put together." So what did I do, you ask? Ya, I fucking drove to work, dropped a truck off (in Richmond), and jogged home in the sun. Without a shirt. According to the reflective busstops, I looked pretty damn good. Almost in summertime form.
Buffalo is FOR REAL, even though Philly was missing Pronger and Carter. There's something special about this little Sabres team,but Esche, er, Chechmanek, er, Hextall, er, Boucher, er who the fuck was in net for the Flyers again?....shouldn't have let out that juicy rebound to Wee Little Tyler Ennis. a Flyer goalie fucks up...wow, big surprise! Go Sabres!
and GO PREDATORS! I always think that a good sign that a team might make a run in the playoffs is when their grinders are putting points up. Nashville has the luxury of having almost no non-grinders on their team, so it's easy for me to think that they're gonna go deep this year. I think Tootoo is playing unbelievable. Reminiscent of his junior days. Hope they take the series.
ummm...Bobby Ryan...that was ridiculous.
So, like I said earlier, the Rangers are done. Not a big surprise there. Just not deep enough to get outta this round. Although, I do agree with Pierre Mcguire when he was saying something along the lines of them having a bright future. It's true. They're just a few years off from being a beast in the east. Like Bam Bam Bigelow or Rosie O Donnell. (are they siblings?)
Mike Green HAS TO have a concussion after taking the biscuit in the bucket. Fuck, that would be loud, eh?
What's funny though, is I don't quite believe in Washington just yet. I think they run a tight ship, and they have a really solid core, but I gotta see them make it through the next round for me to imagine them hoisting the holy grail. Love Ovechkin though. No one touches his level of excitement. Not even close.
I think all the sports psychologists that were likely in Vancouver over the past couple days have all left YVR this evening, and headed straight to Pittsburgh. The fuck was that?!?! yikes....Way to let Stamkos wake up. At least Vancouver hasn't let Toews snipe any yet....yet.........I mean, how does a handsome bugger like me even blog about something like that? what can I say? That one goal was insane, they made like 9 passes in Pittsburgh's zone before potting it. Here's where Nice Man Dan Bylsma's highly-praised coaching will come into play, I think. Can he rally the plethora of plugs from Pittsburgh to wrap this muthafucka up? For some reason I believe, probably because HBO brainwashed me into thinking that Dan Bylsma can do anything with a pat on the back and a few kind words.
Habs Bruins: Another classic, in my opinion. Those 2 goalies made some really delicious saves, especially the one Thomas made late in overtime. I thought it was a really even game, and I thought it was kinda cool to see the 3rd line for Montreal score. They were playing hard, and Lars Eller played like another Danish player did for his Canadian pro hockey team in game one of the playoffs this year. I hope Montreal doesn't get too down after the loss, because I felt like Cammalleri and Gionta are just hitting their playoff stride now. They looked dangerous all night, especially Cammalleri. Props to Don Cherry for picking Nathan Horton to score the winner, too. Has Don Cherry ever been wrong about ANYTHING! The older and wiser I get, the more I think he hasn't.
PJ Stock's quirky, and sort of the anti-CBC hockey announcer, but seriously? He can't put together a sentence....You'd think someone would help him out with that. I liked him when he played in the NHL, so I kind of want him to be good on the air, but he may as well be speaking jibberish. His boyish good looks are not sufficient enough to give sports updates.
Finally, how about Johnathan Quick tonight? 50+ saves. After watching Price, Thomas, and even Neuvirth for Washington today, I thought the top-cheds tending was done for the night. No dice! He was unbelievable, and quite the opposite to his counterpart, Stanley Cup winner Anti Niemi....yikes. He was BAD.
So San Jose has the same decision as Vancouver to make. Do you start the guy with the big contract, or do you start the other guy, who isn't letting everything that comes near him in the net? I think both franchises are gonna go with their go-to guy, but it's less likely in San Jose. Frankly i'm not comfortable with either Schneider or Luongo in net tomorrow. I'm not comfortable with tomorrow. Period. I have the Vancouver Panic Syndrome BIG TIME! Someone stuff some valium in my turkey tomorrow, please! Or I'll look like the baby at the top of the blog! Get some rest tonight, Canucks fans. Don't piss your bed. You think Henrik's injured? I don't.
xosmlxo
Thursday, 21 April 2011
don't even bother tipping cop cars.
Hi,
Seriously, why bother? They have cop bikes now anyways, so it's less of a feat.
Today was one of those days that didn't start out well and didn't go well. Anything that could go wrong, did. Just one you'd like to write off. Go to bed early, and forget about.
But hey, I thought maybe the Canucks game could shine a small glimmer of light on my day. Of course, as we all know, that didn't happen because I am not rooting for the Blackhawks. outscored 12-2 in 2 games. that's fucking crazy! That used to happen to the shitty hockey teams that I played on as a younger man. That shit isn't supposed to happen in professional PLAYOFF hockey.
That was seriously an embarrassment to a game that many people love and follow. For some people, the Canucks are all they have, and not because they haven't opened their eyes to other means of entertainment, or they have no family, but because they actually LOVE the team, the history (albeit a cursed, unfortunate, mediocre history) that follows it, and the city that they play in. Loving sport and a particular hockey team is just something in their blood. I hope to God Almighty that Rogers Arena was packed to the nuts today with rich Suits that didn't buy their tickets, and they were just given to them by their boss. Or however that works. I don't know, because I'm not rich. While watching the travesty of a game, I started to think about the family that saved up money all year to take their kids to a game, as maybe a surprise birthday/christmas gift or something. What a waste of money - that would really hurt the ol' chequebook. I liken it to waking up after a long night of drinking, going online to check your bank statement, and wondering just how the fuck you could spend $300 on booze. Only you were sober when you bought the tickets, and were doing it to have a special day with your family. Doing it out of love and the goodness inside you. I hope that didn't happen tonight. I also hope no one gets beat up on the streets tonight, and hopefully the Blackhawks get out of Vancity as quickly as possible, without disturbance. They didn't do anything wrong, in fact, all they did was play hockey.
I would think that if I was playing for the Canucks tonight, i'd be really fucking embarassed. and fuck "curses" or "demons" or "bad luck" or "anything falling in those categories", because all of that is pure horseshit. These guys are grown men, that are just flat-out scared of another group of grown men. Plain and simple. Fear is inside their bodies and their heads. So how is that fear battled against. Well, I'm not a shrink or anything, but I've battled some legitimate fears in my day, (who hasn't), and I know that you have to AT LEAST admit that you are actually scared. Human nature to be scared. No big deal. But at least admit it and maybe you can work past it.
Or maybe you just have to look deep inside yourself and tell that fear that it isn't real. and fight tooth and nail to battle it. Hope the guy next to you is doing the same, and if he's not, oh well. You can't worry about that. Gotta look after yourself. Gotta bring it for 30-40 seconds everyshift, get the fuck off the ice, inhale all possible oxygen within your vicinity, and hope to the heavens that the coach taps you on the shoulder again to get out there and do it all over again. If not, go back to school. be something else.
The Canucks core players have not proven a single thing to make anyone believe they're winners. I mean, really. The playoffs are different than the regular season. Stakes have never been this high for this version of the canucks. NEVER. and how were we fooled by all the offseason pickups. A guy (a healthy scratch today, by the way) that's never played in the playoffs, period. A guy who's never won a playoff series, period. and a guy who isn't playing because he doesn't wear a visor. The core guys they already have are a bunch of underachievers, too. Ya Luongo won a gold medal last year. On the best team to ever play hockey. big deal. He's not to blame for this collapse this year, though. Well, it's not as much his fault as the previous two years. it's the guys up front. But they all have alot to prove, and haven't done so at all this year. again.
Terrible hockey game.
Ryan White is on my All-Manitoba team. Brandon, MB product really throwing his weight around for the Habs. Tough loss for them, too.
Seriously, why bother? They have cop bikes now anyways, so it's less of a feat.
Today was one of those days that didn't start out well and didn't go well. Anything that could go wrong, did. Just one you'd like to write off. Go to bed early, and forget about.
But hey, I thought maybe the Canucks game could shine a small glimmer of light on my day. Of course, as we all know, that didn't happen because I am not rooting for the Blackhawks. outscored 12-2 in 2 games. that's fucking crazy! That used to happen to the shitty hockey teams that I played on as a younger man. That shit isn't supposed to happen in professional PLAYOFF hockey.
That was seriously an embarrassment to a game that many people love and follow. For some people, the Canucks are all they have, and not because they haven't opened their eyes to other means of entertainment, or they have no family, but because they actually LOVE the team, the history (albeit a cursed, unfortunate, mediocre history) that follows it, and the city that they play in. Loving sport and a particular hockey team is just something in their blood. I hope to God Almighty that Rogers Arena was packed to the nuts today with rich Suits that didn't buy their tickets, and they were just given to them by their boss. Or however that works. I don't know, because I'm not rich. While watching the travesty of a game, I started to think about the family that saved up money all year to take their kids to a game, as maybe a surprise birthday/christmas gift or something. What a waste of money - that would really hurt the ol' chequebook. I liken it to waking up after a long night of drinking, going online to check your bank statement, and wondering just how the fuck you could spend $300 on booze. Only you were sober when you bought the tickets, and were doing it to have a special day with your family. Doing it out of love and the goodness inside you. I hope that didn't happen tonight. I also hope no one gets beat up on the streets tonight, and hopefully the Blackhawks get out of Vancity as quickly as possible, without disturbance. They didn't do anything wrong, in fact, all they did was play hockey.
I would think that if I was playing for the Canucks tonight, i'd be really fucking embarassed. and fuck "curses" or "demons" or "bad luck" or "anything falling in those categories", because all of that is pure horseshit. These guys are grown men, that are just flat-out scared of another group of grown men. Plain and simple. Fear is inside their bodies and their heads. So how is that fear battled against. Well, I'm not a shrink or anything, but I've battled some legitimate fears in my day, (who hasn't), and I know that you have to AT LEAST admit that you are actually scared. Human nature to be scared. No big deal. But at least admit it and maybe you can work past it.
Or maybe you just have to look deep inside yourself and tell that fear that it isn't real. and fight tooth and nail to battle it. Hope the guy next to you is doing the same, and if he's not, oh well. You can't worry about that. Gotta look after yourself. Gotta bring it for 30-40 seconds everyshift, get the fuck off the ice, inhale all possible oxygen within your vicinity, and hope to the heavens that the coach taps you on the shoulder again to get out there and do it all over again. If not, go back to school. be something else.
The Canucks core players have not proven a single thing to make anyone believe they're winners. I mean, really. The playoffs are different than the regular season. Stakes have never been this high for this version of the canucks. NEVER. and how were we fooled by all the offseason pickups. A guy (a healthy scratch today, by the way) that's never played in the playoffs, period. A guy who's never won a playoff series, period. and a guy who isn't playing because he doesn't wear a visor. The core guys they already have are a bunch of underachievers, too. Ya Luongo won a gold medal last year. On the best team to ever play hockey. big deal. He's not to blame for this collapse this year, though. Well, it's not as much his fault as the previous two years. it's the guys up front. But they all have alot to prove, and haven't done so at all this year. again.
Terrible hockey game.
Ryan White is on my All-Manitoba team. Brandon, MB product really throwing his weight around for the Habs. Tough loss for them, too.
Wednesday, 20 April 2011
overtime magic, and by magic I mean...
2 weak goals that all but spelled the end for Tampa and New York tonight. They're both going on the road for game 5 and I think both of those series are as good as over. MAYBE Tampa squeaks out game 5, but I doubt it. Rangers - no fucking way. Not after blowing a 3 goal lead like that.
Greetings Stoners,
Happy 4/20 to you all. I hope you're all nicely bloated from the 6 dinners you ate this evening, and I hope you listened carefully to all the nonsense that was spoken around you and amongst the cloud of pot smoke you were in. That's the worst when someone says something really fucking dumb when they're stoned, and everyone knows it, and finally someone bursts out laughing and says "what the fuck did you just say, man?" and you just know the guy was freaking the fuck out for the 9 seconds of silence that preceded the outburst. That's certainly never happened to me before. I've never embarassed myself after putting too much poison in my body. EVER!
Just legalize the shit, already though. Let people smoke it, and let the ones that can't handle it slip away into dark rooms in their parents house or huts on some remote island. Somethings missing in your life if you're smoking too much weed, anyways. So fix it. Heal your wounds. Or kiss my ass. one of the two. For everyone else that indulges in the odd joint, I say keep smoking.
Is there anything better than a game that goes into overtime in the playoffs? The drama leading up to it in the dying seconds of regulation. The guys you pick from each time to score to make it even more interesting. The chance that you might see something of legendary proportions. The extra effort that certain guys put in in extra time. I find it fascinating to watch that last part in particular. You see guys just fucking dying to survive out there. It's such a ballsy test of will. Martin St. Louis looked like he'd do just about anything to win tonight...too bad he didn't. poor little bugger. James Neal scored a softy that Roloson should've had FOR SURE. But, that's what happens when you're a million years old and still playing hockey. The reflexes go first.
Can I get ANOTHER hallelujah for ANOTHER Manitoban just lighting it up in the playoffs? Aaron Asham from Portage la Prairie, MB! I've been there only once, and I remember driving through it and saying to myself "fuuuck. this is the ulgiest town i've ever seen." I also played my last minor hockey game against Portage La Prairie, and was kicked out very quickly for smashing a guys head in the boards. Something that might garner an NHLer a 1 game suspension these days. Or 5. or none at all. Who knows what the fuck to expect anymore.
I expect Jarko Ruutu to get a couple games for his hit on Marty Erat, though. If for no other reason that he's in trouble with the NHL at least once a year.
I really thought Nashville was gonna take it to Anaheim tonight...guess I was wrong in fearing them for the Canuckleheads in the next round. Now I think that series is WIDE OPEN. I'm not even gonna guess that one anymore. Momentum's just getting passed back and forth. Carrie Underwood's still a fox.
I am starting to realize that my passion is given a significant slap in the butt when the Canucks or Habs are playing. I didn't get to see the Sabres Flyers game because I don't have TSN2. Shame on me. This is the worst blog I've ever written. fuck my life. am I losing my swagger? have I been infected by the virus the canucks had last night? what the hell is gonna happen if this, as one loyal fan described, "ice rape" continues? Can the city of vancouver sustain another heartbreak? is the rest of Canucks Nation doubting our boys as much as I am? should I never been depended on for anything if I give up on things as soon as they show signs of imperfection? why is it raining? I'm still not over yesterday, clearly. know any cheap shrinks in vancouver? ANYONE?
NOT a member of the all-Manitoba team: Dustin Penner of Winkler, MB. 5 million dollars apparently doesn't pay for backchecking. Ferraro must've had some choice words for him last night. too bad I was too busy throwing a tantrum in my bedroom to see.
I find it kind of ironic that Phoenix may play it's last game as the Coyotes tonight against the same team that knocked the franchise out of Winnipeg in the first place. Funny how things have bookends. Go Wings. Bring the Jets back.
Game 5 tomorrow night. Rogers Arena. fuck. I hope this turns out well...
xosmlxo
Greetings Stoners,
Happy 4/20 to you all. I hope you're all nicely bloated from the 6 dinners you ate this evening, and I hope you listened carefully to all the nonsense that was spoken around you and amongst the cloud of pot smoke you were in. That's the worst when someone says something really fucking dumb when they're stoned, and everyone knows it, and finally someone bursts out laughing and says "what the fuck did you just say, man?" and you just know the guy was freaking the fuck out for the 9 seconds of silence that preceded the outburst. That's certainly never happened to me before. I've never embarassed myself after putting too much poison in my body. EVER!
Just legalize the shit, already though. Let people smoke it, and let the ones that can't handle it slip away into dark rooms in their parents house or huts on some remote island. Somethings missing in your life if you're smoking too much weed, anyways. So fix it. Heal your wounds. Or kiss my ass. one of the two. For everyone else that indulges in the odd joint, I say keep smoking.
Is there anything better than a game that goes into overtime in the playoffs? The drama leading up to it in the dying seconds of regulation. The guys you pick from each time to score to make it even more interesting. The chance that you might see something of legendary proportions. The extra effort that certain guys put in in extra time. I find it fascinating to watch that last part in particular. You see guys just fucking dying to survive out there. It's such a ballsy test of will. Martin St. Louis looked like he'd do just about anything to win tonight...too bad he didn't. poor little bugger. James Neal scored a softy that Roloson should've had FOR SURE. But, that's what happens when you're a million years old and still playing hockey. The reflexes go first.
Can I get ANOTHER hallelujah for ANOTHER Manitoban just lighting it up in the playoffs? Aaron Asham from Portage la Prairie, MB! I've been there only once, and I remember driving through it and saying to myself "fuuuck. this is the ulgiest town i've ever seen." I also played my last minor hockey game against Portage La Prairie, and was kicked out very quickly for smashing a guys head in the boards. Something that might garner an NHLer a 1 game suspension these days. Or 5. or none at all. Who knows what the fuck to expect anymore.
I expect Jarko Ruutu to get a couple games for his hit on Marty Erat, though. If for no other reason that he's in trouble with the NHL at least once a year.
I really thought Nashville was gonna take it to Anaheim tonight...guess I was wrong in fearing them for the Canuckleheads in the next round. Now I think that series is WIDE OPEN. I'm not even gonna guess that one anymore. Momentum's just getting passed back and forth. Carrie Underwood's still a fox.
I am starting to realize that my passion is given a significant slap in the butt when the Canucks or Habs are playing. I didn't get to see the Sabres Flyers game because I don't have TSN2. Shame on me. This is the worst blog I've ever written. fuck my life. am I losing my swagger? have I been infected by the virus the canucks had last night? what the hell is gonna happen if this, as one loyal fan described, "ice rape" continues? Can the city of vancouver sustain another heartbreak? is the rest of Canucks Nation doubting our boys as much as I am? should I never been depended on for anything if I give up on things as soon as they show signs of imperfection? why is it raining? I'm still not over yesterday, clearly. know any cheap shrinks in vancouver? ANYONE?
NOT a member of the all-Manitoba team: Dustin Penner of Winkler, MB. 5 million dollars apparently doesn't pay for backchecking. Ferraro must've had some choice words for him last night. too bad I was too busy throwing a tantrum in my bedroom to see.
I find it kind of ironic that Phoenix may play it's last game as the Coyotes tonight against the same team that knocked the franchise out of Winnipeg in the first place. Funny how things have bookends. Go Wings. Bring the Jets back.
Game 5 tomorrow night. Rogers Arena. fuck. I hope this turns out well...
xosmlxo
Tuesday, 19 April 2011
It's fitting...
That I've been listening to a lot of R.E.M. lately. I think you can all visual me, sitting in my room by myself, dressed in canucks pyjamas (...naked, actually), sulking (see above picture), and having "Everybody Hurts" blaring through my speakers. fucking LOUDLY!
As much as I like to deny the fact that I'm a sore loser, I am, in fact the definition of it. I get really fucking angry, and start to wish evil things upon the opponent. Then I realize that that's not getting me anywhere, and I just feel defeated and sad. Then I get twice as angry because I'm sad and cryings for pussies. I hate losing.
Lucky for me, there wasn't any hockey games on tonight! YES! Shane - 1, CBC & NHL - 0! Ya, sure, there was a few hours of television where a bunch of guys in red put pucks in a white teams net, but there wasn't a hockey game on, that's for sure. Can't have a hockey game with one team skating and the other team smelling each others jockstraps.
And sure there was a goalie in white (see above picture), making a bunch of really nice saves while his skaters in front of him didn't let him see much of the puck he was triyng to stop, nor put in any effort to get the puck away from the guys in red. Sure he's probably rattled and is contemplating shaving his playoff beard like he did last year.
And sure, there were a bunch of goofs (i learned today that calling someone a "goof" in prison is a big no-no, so don't call someone who just got out from the inside that) making lazy stick-checks to get the puck along the boards. There were a bunch of goofs turning the puck over in our end, in the neutral zone, and in their end.
And sure there were many players being sent to the penalty box from both teams. I still didn't watch a hockey game tonight, though! I guess I'll wait til tomorrow to watch hockey. OH WAIT! there's another game on! It's on TSN! San Jose and LA! Maybe they will play hockey. What'd be worse right now? cheering for the canucks or the sharks? both are strenuous tasks.
things I would've rather done tonight than watch men skate and pass a puck on CBC
1. Continue watching "The Ghost Whisperer", which fucking sucked, but it was on before the CBC game, so I kept it on so I didn't miss the wicked intro's CBC has been doing.
2. Start dating my first girlfriend again.
3. Fight Brock Lesnar
4. Go to a Police reunion concert
5. Go to an Eagles concert
6. Sleep through the birth of my firstborn child.
7. Beat up a senior citizen while they do Tai Chi in a park.
8. Listen to the Jehovah's Witness bitch outside my local grocery store tell me I can be one of The Anointed if I listsen to her.
9. Eat rat poison pie.
10. Look as fat as Vince Vaughn.
This evening was not a fun evening. I am very tired, but I think I may take some time to watch LA smack around the Sharks. I hear Gord Miller's chins yelling "scorresss!", a horn blaring, and fans roaring at the Staples Centre, so it must be turning into a smooth beating. I don't even feel sorry for San Jose anymore. They just can't make it to the next level, eh? might we be saying that about a team a few miles north of San Jose?
Idunno.
Darren Helm in Detroit is representing for my home province, BIG TIME! He was the best player on the ice last night in that boring ass Phoenix Detroit game. Fuck can he fly! Manitoba is putting itself on the map more and more everyday. It's a revolution! The Nothing Province is making a name for itself! Watch out BC Potheads, Alberta Hilbillies, Saskatchewan....Hillbillies that like the Roughriders, MANITOBA IS TAKING OVER THE WEST!
We'd come after Ontario, but why bother? You have the Leafs and the Sens and I just don't even wanna touch that. ewwww...
I'm going to bed soon. and yes, I will be hugging my pillow tight. and yes. I will cry tears of sadness over the "game" between Vancouver and Chicago. Better luck at home, Boys.
xosmlxo
As much as I like to deny the fact that I'm a sore loser, I am, in fact the definition of it. I get really fucking angry, and start to wish evil things upon the opponent. Then I realize that that's not getting me anywhere, and I just feel defeated and sad. Then I get twice as angry because I'm sad and cryings for pussies. I hate losing.
Lucky for me, there wasn't any hockey games on tonight! YES! Shane - 1, CBC & NHL - 0! Ya, sure, there was a few hours of television where a bunch of guys in red put pucks in a white teams net, but there wasn't a hockey game on, that's for sure. Can't have a hockey game with one team skating and the other team smelling each others jockstraps.
And sure there was a goalie in white (see above picture), making a bunch of really nice saves while his skaters in front of him didn't let him see much of the puck he was triyng to stop, nor put in any effort to get the puck away from the guys in red. Sure he's probably rattled and is contemplating shaving his playoff beard like he did last year.
And sure, there were a bunch of goofs (i learned today that calling someone a "goof" in prison is a big no-no, so don't call someone who just got out from the inside that) making lazy stick-checks to get the puck along the boards. There were a bunch of goofs turning the puck over in our end, in the neutral zone, and in their end.
And sure there were many players being sent to the penalty box from both teams. I still didn't watch a hockey game tonight, though! I guess I'll wait til tomorrow to watch hockey. OH WAIT! there's another game on! It's on TSN! San Jose and LA! Maybe they will play hockey. What'd be worse right now? cheering for the canucks or the sharks? both are strenuous tasks.
things I would've rather done tonight than watch men skate and pass a puck on CBC
1. Continue watching "The Ghost Whisperer", which fucking sucked, but it was on before the CBC game, so I kept it on so I didn't miss the wicked intro's CBC has been doing.
2. Start dating my first girlfriend again.
3. Fight Brock Lesnar
4. Go to a Police reunion concert
5. Go to an Eagles concert
6. Sleep through the birth of my firstborn child.
7. Beat up a senior citizen while they do Tai Chi in a park.
8. Listen to the Jehovah's Witness bitch outside my local grocery store tell me I can be one of The Anointed if I listsen to her.
9. Eat rat poison pie.
10. Look as fat as Vince Vaughn.
This evening was not a fun evening. I am very tired, but I think I may take some time to watch LA smack around the Sharks. I hear Gord Miller's chins yelling "scorresss!", a horn blaring, and fans roaring at the Staples Centre, so it must be turning into a smooth beating. I don't even feel sorry for San Jose anymore. They just can't make it to the next level, eh? might we be saying that about a team a few miles north of San Jose?
Idunno.
Darren Helm in Detroit is representing for my home province, BIG TIME! He was the best player on the ice last night in that boring ass Phoenix Detroit game. Fuck can he fly! Manitoba is putting itself on the map more and more everyday. It's a revolution! The Nothing Province is making a name for itself! Watch out BC Potheads, Alberta Hilbillies, Saskatchewan....Hillbillies that like the Roughriders, MANITOBA IS TAKING OVER THE WEST!
We'd come after Ontario, but why bother? You have the Leafs and the Sens and I just don't even wanna touch that. ewwww...
I'm going to bed soon. and yes, I will be hugging my pillow tight. and yes. I will cry tears of sadness over the "game" between Vancouver and Chicago. Better luck at home, Boys.
xosmlxo
Monday, 18 April 2011
I don't like Mondays...
But not as much as the Coyotes don't like starting hockey games on time!
Happy Day to All,
Leyzer here. Just writing a blog. I zipped home after a hard day's work and a long journey into the inner core of Vancouver to pay for an acting class (will I EVER be as good as Al Pacino?!? Well, probably not. But it's worth a try, right? At least I'm ACTUALLY active in a pursuit of something..HA HA...right!!?? At least I make it SEEM like I'm just a lazy fucker, when really, that's not true...), to come home to a 3-0 Boston lead. This hurt my feelings. While my 25 year old body and soul resides in and cheers for Vancouver, Young Shane will always root for the Habbies. My inner child yearns for the days of Brian Bellows, Kirk Muller, and Saint Patrick. Ed Ronan, Gilbert Dionne, Eric Desjardins, Mattheiu Schneider, and Red Light Racicot. So to come home to that big of an uphill battle for the Habs was disheartening to say the least. Young Shane was in his basement with his still-mustache-havin' Old Man, wishing to Jesus Almighty that he could just yell out "FUCK!" like his Papa. (that was a fabulous day when I actually did yell "SHITTYFUCKINGCUNTASSDOUCHEBAGFUCKERRRRRS! and Papa Leyzer didn't bat an eye)
Lucky for all Leyzer's watching, we got quite a finish to the game! They almost hadder there, didn't they!? I must say that I thought Montreal might come out a bit flat today. They have this little glitch in their system sometimes, where the pressure is just too much for them at home or something. I compare it to the guy on your minor hockey select team that is just a wild fucking animal when he's on the bus or in the hotel rooms with the boys, but as soon as his parents are close, he puts his balls into his little sack and behaves accordingly. I DEFINITELY played hockey with a kid just like this, and the funny thing is, I think he was a Habs fan! haha!
So the habs get wild and crazy and play to their maximum potential (and I DO mean maximum) on the road, and then they come out a bit flat, a bit boring, in the beginning at home. I liked the second half effort tonight, and the game was a treat to watch. All their offensive threats were getting chances, and for them, it really is about quick, one touch passes and getting it in the Bruins end as swiftly as possible. I'll take a magical Subban rush now and then, though.
I'm a bit exhausted from the amount of times I jumped out of my seat during the second half of the game, and I'm sad because of the loss, so I just wanna make one other point that isn't directly related to the on-ice action at all. Bob Cole's call for that game was a thing of fucking beauty. I was getting emotional watching the game and it was largely in part to his call. Must've been feeling really nostalgic today, but just the energy he was throwing into the action was amazing. He's like your grampa, once he goes senile. In fact, that's EXACTLY what he's like. Some of the time, you sit there and wonder what the fuck he's talking about, but sometimes, you gotta just sit back, listen to the old bugger tell a story, and fucking enjoy it because you know he won't be around forever. Good Stuff, Mr. Cole. Made the defeat a bit easier to swallow.
It was easy for Vancouver "homer" fans to swallow the lack of a suspension for Raffi Torres. Let it be known to the world that I stand by what I said yesterday, including all the nasty things I said about his IQ. Fucking Meatball. Day old Meatball. Sit him OUT. Dress hockey players, not guys out there to be selfish and try to make themselves relevant on their team.
Couple nasty little pieces of business in the Tampa Pittsburgh game, eh? WHATDYA DOIN', KUNITZ! That was the stuff of retards, my man! I don't think Kunitz is known for playing like that (for the record, he threw an elbow in the back of the head of Simon Gagne - who's suffered concussions before - in the slot). I hope he gets suspended, and I think he will, cuz that's a suspension in 2001 or 2011. or 1984. 1 game, or 2. something like that. Downie should sit too. But here's the thing! Downie, unlike Raffi Torres as big of a goofball as he is, actually helps out offensively, and contributes to the overall team. He's an idiot, and does stupid things like that often, but he's useful. useful, but deserving of a suspension. It's funny, without Sidney Crosby in the lineup, my like-affair with the penguins drops considerably. I kind of hope Tampa wins.
What's going on in Buffalo? Have they ran out of sack to fuck with the Broad St. Bullies? Kind of looks that way. Didn't help that one of their heavyweights got hurt early on, either. They kept it close, and just couldn't get that last goal. I still think they're gonna get another W in the series, and I hope I get to see more of these two eastern teams beat the snot out of each other.
This Detroit Phoenix game was over in the first 10 minutes. Let's face it. And I'm bored of watching it, too. Shane Doan's craziness after the whistle is boring, and he's probably gonna wind up doing something dumb. I do like Kyle Turris, though. He's making icetime for himself, and I think Winnipeg'll have a star player to cheer for next year.
Detroit's getting goals from their depth players, so is Nashville. Vancouver fans...don't honk your horn too loudly whenever the Hawks go golfing....Lots of work to do. I think we know that, though. I can feel it in the city, that we're not looking past anyone. There's a tonne of good teams still left, and there's a tonne of stories still to be told.
TSN's Top Ten is the "best playoff overtime goals" - watch it. It's electric. Also makes me feel a bit old, because I remembered seeing most of the goals. So my words of wisdom for today is, yes, still feel free to hit on me, I'll likely respond, but more importantly, we're all getting a bit older everyday. I couldn't picture 25 five years ago. I didn't enjoy nearly as much of my life as I could've. So let's do that tomorrow. Enjoy shit that happens, and maybe make something happen too. I'm guilty of not making shit happen, and just preparing for it, but fuck it, let's do something bold tomorrow. Something daring. Do THAT THING you're thinking of doing right now! ya! that one! It'll be fine, and it'll probably work out in your favour...
Seriously. Do it.
Luv you, and luv NHL playoffs,
xosmlxo
Happy Day to All,
Leyzer here. Just writing a blog. I zipped home after a hard day's work and a long journey into the inner core of Vancouver to pay for an acting class (will I EVER be as good as Al Pacino?!? Well, probably not. But it's worth a try, right? At least I'm ACTUALLY active in a pursuit of something..HA HA...right!!?? At least I make it SEEM like I'm just a lazy fucker, when really, that's not true...), to come home to a 3-0 Boston lead. This hurt my feelings. While my 25 year old body and soul resides in and cheers for Vancouver, Young Shane will always root for the Habbies. My inner child yearns for the days of Brian Bellows, Kirk Muller, and Saint Patrick. Ed Ronan, Gilbert Dionne, Eric Desjardins, Mattheiu Schneider, and Red Light Racicot. So to come home to that big of an uphill battle for the Habs was disheartening to say the least. Young Shane was in his basement with his still-mustache-havin' Old Man, wishing to Jesus Almighty that he could just yell out "FUCK!" like his Papa. (that was a fabulous day when I actually did yell "SHITTYFUCKINGCUNTASSDOUCHEBAGFUCKERRRRRS! and Papa Leyzer didn't bat an eye)
Lucky for all Leyzer's watching, we got quite a finish to the game! They almost hadder there, didn't they!? I must say that I thought Montreal might come out a bit flat today. They have this little glitch in their system sometimes, where the pressure is just too much for them at home or something. I compare it to the guy on your minor hockey select team that is just a wild fucking animal when he's on the bus or in the hotel rooms with the boys, but as soon as his parents are close, he puts his balls into his little sack and behaves accordingly. I DEFINITELY played hockey with a kid just like this, and the funny thing is, I think he was a Habs fan! haha!
So the habs get wild and crazy and play to their maximum potential (and I DO mean maximum) on the road, and then they come out a bit flat, a bit boring, in the beginning at home. I liked the second half effort tonight, and the game was a treat to watch. All their offensive threats were getting chances, and for them, it really is about quick, one touch passes and getting it in the Bruins end as swiftly as possible. I'll take a magical Subban rush now and then, though.
I'm a bit exhausted from the amount of times I jumped out of my seat during the second half of the game, and I'm sad because of the loss, so I just wanna make one other point that isn't directly related to the on-ice action at all. Bob Cole's call for that game was a thing of fucking beauty. I was getting emotional watching the game and it was largely in part to his call. Must've been feeling really nostalgic today, but just the energy he was throwing into the action was amazing. He's like your grampa, once he goes senile. In fact, that's EXACTLY what he's like. Some of the time, you sit there and wonder what the fuck he's talking about, but sometimes, you gotta just sit back, listen to the old bugger tell a story, and fucking enjoy it because you know he won't be around forever. Good Stuff, Mr. Cole. Made the defeat a bit easier to swallow.
It was easy for Vancouver "homer" fans to swallow the lack of a suspension for Raffi Torres. Let it be known to the world that I stand by what I said yesterday, including all the nasty things I said about his IQ. Fucking Meatball. Day old Meatball. Sit him OUT. Dress hockey players, not guys out there to be selfish and try to make themselves relevant on their team.
Couple nasty little pieces of business in the Tampa Pittsburgh game, eh? WHATDYA DOIN', KUNITZ! That was the stuff of retards, my man! I don't think Kunitz is known for playing like that (for the record, he threw an elbow in the back of the head of Simon Gagne - who's suffered concussions before - in the slot). I hope he gets suspended, and I think he will, cuz that's a suspension in 2001 or 2011. or 1984. 1 game, or 2. something like that. Downie should sit too. But here's the thing! Downie, unlike Raffi Torres as big of a goofball as he is, actually helps out offensively, and contributes to the overall team. He's an idiot, and does stupid things like that often, but he's useful. useful, but deserving of a suspension. It's funny, without Sidney Crosby in the lineup, my like-affair with the penguins drops considerably. I kind of hope Tampa wins.
What's going on in Buffalo? Have they ran out of sack to fuck with the Broad St. Bullies? Kind of looks that way. Didn't help that one of their heavyweights got hurt early on, either. They kept it close, and just couldn't get that last goal. I still think they're gonna get another W in the series, and I hope I get to see more of these two eastern teams beat the snot out of each other.
This Detroit Phoenix game was over in the first 10 minutes. Let's face it. And I'm bored of watching it, too. Shane Doan's craziness after the whistle is boring, and he's probably gonna wind up doing something dumb. I do like Kyle Turris, though. He's making icetime for himself, and I think Winnipeg'll have a star player to cheer for next year.
Detroit's getting goals from their depth players, so is Nashville. Vancouver fans...don't honk your horn too loudly whenever the Hawks go golfing....Lots of work to do. I think we know that, though. I can feel it in the city, that we're not looking past anyone. There's a tonne of good teams still left, and there's a tonne of stories still to be told.
TSN's Top Ten is the "best playoff overtime goals" - watch it. It's electric. Also makes me feel a bit old, because I remembered seeing most of the goals. So my words of wisdom for today is, yes, still feel free to hit on me, I'll likely respond, but more importantly, we're all getting a bit older everyday. I couldn't picture 25 five years ago. I didn't enjoy nearly as much of my life as I could've. So let's do that tomorrow. Enjoy shit that happens, and maybe make something happen too. I'm guilty of not making shit happen, and just preparing for it, but fuck it, let's do something bold tomorrow. Something daring. Do THAT THING you're thinking of doing right now! ya! that one! It'll be fine, and it'll probably work out in your favour...
Seriously. Do it.
Luv you, and luv NHL playoffs,
xosmlxo
Sunday, 17 April 2011
I hate to say I told you so...
Evening Bitches,
Beautiful day out there in East Van today, eh? The sun was shining, and spring has officially sprung out here. Perfect time to watch the playoffs, and then go blow off some steam with a nice long walk. I suggest that to all of you.
Few games in the "L" tonight. Looks like the Rangers took all of my criticism and snuck out a victory against the Capitals tonight. As that series went on, I was starting to think sweep for Washington, but New York proved me wrong. Looks like Dubinsky had a good night out there. How many players in the league are from Anchorage, Alaska?? There seems to be a whole shitload of them. Must have a good program up there. Dubinsky's one of them, and he's turning into a bona fide...pretty average player. Ovechkin's still hungry, though, so don't expect the series to last anymore than a couple more games.
Caught the Nashville Anaheim game. Looked like the fans were really into it, which is good for a struggling market like Nashville. That franchise needs a playoff run like no one's business, and I gotta say, I'm kind of rootin' for them. Although, if they win, I think that means there's a good chance they'll play Vancouver, and I don't want that to happen. Nice to see Jordin Tootoo score tonight. I always root for the Northern boy, and I always root for the Native American boy, that played some junior hockey down the road from my hometown in The Pas, MB. I'm glad to see he made some steps in turning his personal life around and it's showing up in tangible results down in Music City. Mike Fisher's proving to be the pickup of the year for Nashville. How hot did Carrie Underwood look at the game tonight, too. Oh. My. The game had a lot of sandpaper in it, and who knows? Maybe if Mr. Bobby Ryan didn't make like Happy Gilmore and use his skate as a knife to stab someone, he might've factored in on that 1 goal Anaheim needed...Emery played well, despite the loss. Look out for Nashville, Vancouverites. Along with Detroit. It's not gonna be an easy road to get to the Promised Land.
So, now that the obligatory blurbs on the games I have little interest in are through, I can get on to what I actually wanna blog about...
DID I NOT SAY TO NOT PLAY TORRES TONIGHT?!? DID A.V. NOT READ THIS FUCKING BLOG?! Someone needs to forward him this address, pronto. All you have to do is watch old video of Raffi "Bananaphone" Torres doing an interview. Any interview. He's an IDIOT! I hate to be hating on the guy because of his intelligence, but I just can't fucking resist. Watch the interview they did with him discussing why he DOESN'T wear a visor. He sounds like the stoner kid you sat by in grade 10 english class that you KNEW would drop out, move to Fort McMurray, develop a crack addiction, and never be heard of again. He's not smart. "uhhh....you know, once you make the jump from junior you kinda take the visor off like you just made it or whatever." Fuck you, Raffi. That's stupid, and you played like a stupid person tonight. You said you weren't gonna change your game? Well let me tell you something, Buds. Your game is now A PENALTY! You can't run guys when they're not looking. "Can not do it. Can not win widdim. Can not coach widdum. Can't do it!" - Mike Singleterry. Having Raffi Torres in the lineup nearly cost the Canucks all their momentum in the series. By him running around, taking runs at guys and not getting the puck afterwards, he just made himself a liability out there. So fuck Raffi Torres, bring in the kid Hodgson and let someone with a bit of skill lace em up. Skill over experience. Experience doesn't mean shit anymore. How experienced were Drew Doughty and Johnny Toews for Team Canada during the Olympics. They weren't. But they were fucking skilled, passionate boys that wanted to win. Hodgson'll bring that, too. (i'm not saying he's as good as Drew or Johnny...)Just get Raffi out of the lineup.
Thank God Vancouver is deep enough to work around some meathead running around like an idiot to fight through his antics and pull out a crucial W. Wayta go, Boys. One more win, then regroup.
Well, that's about it for today. Spring has sprung. I got hit on by TWO, countem, TWO women in a grocery store today. Yay me and my pretty face. I suggest you all do the same, that is, hit on me the next time you see me. In a grocery store, on the street, whatever. It's all good. Bring that shit on. Them women were hot, too. So step up.
xosmlxo
Beautiful day out there in East Van today, eh? The sun was shining, and spring has officially sprung out here. Perfect time to watch the playoffs, and then go blow off some steam with a nice long walk. I suggest that to all of you.
Few games in the "L" tonight. Looks like the Rangers took all of my criticism and snuck out a victory against the Capitals tonight. As that series went on, I was starting to think sweep for Washington, but New York proved me wrong. Looks like Dubinsky had a good night out there. How many players in the league are from Anchorage, Alaska?? There seems to be a whole shitload of them. Must have a good program up there. Dubinsky's one of them, and he's turning into a bona fide...pretty average player. Ovechkin's still hungry, though, so don't expect the series to last anymore than a couple more games.
Caught the Nashville Anaheim game. Looked like the fans were really into it, which is good for a struggling market like Nashville. That franchise needs a playoff run like no one's business, and I gotta say, I'm kind of rootin' for them. Although, if they win, I think that means there's a good chance they'll play Vancouver, and I don't want that to happen. Nice to see Jordin Tootoo score tonight. I always root for the Northern boy, and I always root for the Native American boy, that played some junior hockey down the road from my hometown in The Pas, MB. I'm glad to see he made some steps in turning his personal life around and it's showing up in tangible results down in Music City. Mike Fisher's proving to be the pickup of the year for Nashville. How hot did Carrie Underwood look at the game tonight, too. Oh. My. The game had a lot of sandpaper in it, and who knows? Maybe if Mr. Bobby Ryan didn't make like Happy Gilmore and use his skate as a knife to stab someone, he might've factored in on that 1 goal Anaheim needed...Emery played well, despite the loss. Look out for Nashville, Vancouverites. Along with Detroit. It's not gonna be an easy road to get to the Promised Land.
So, now that the obligatory blurbs on the games I have little interest in are through, I can get on to what I actually wanna blog about...
DID I NOT SAY TO NOT PLAY TORRES TONIGHT?!? DID A.V. NOT READ THIS FUCKING BLOG?! Someone needs to forward him this address, pronto. All you have to do is watch old video of Raffi "Bananaphone" Torres doing an interview. Any interview. He's an IDIOT! I hate to be hating on the guy because of his intelligence, but I just can't fucking resist. Watch the interview they did with him discussing why he DOESN'T wear a visor. He sounds like the stoner kid you sat by in grade 10 english class that you KNEW would drop out, move to Fort McMurray, develop a crack addiction, and never be heard of again. He's not smart. "uhhh....you know, once you make the jump from junior you kinda take the visor off like you just made it or whatever." Fuck you, Raffi. That's stupid, and you played like a stupid person tonight. You said you weren't gonna change your game? Well let me tell you something, Buds. Your game is now A PENALTY! You can't run guys when they're not looking. "Can not do it. Can not win widdim. Can not coach widdum. Can't do it!" - Mike Singleterry. Having Raffi Torres in the lineup nearly cost the Canucks all their momentum in the series. By him running around, taking runs at guys and not getting the puck afterwards, he just made himself a liability out there. So fuck Raffi Torres, bring in the kid Hodgson and let someone with a bit of skill lace em up. Skill over experience. Experience doesn't mean shit anymore. How experienced were Drew Doughty and Johnny Toews for Team Canada during the Olympics. They weren't. But they were fucking skilled, passionate boys that wanted to win. Hodgson'll bring that, too. (i'm not saying he's as good as Drew or Johnny...)Just get Raffi out of the lineup.
Thank God Vancouver is deep enough to work around some meathead running around like an idiot to fight through his antics and pull out a crucial W. Wayta go, Boys. One more win, then regroup.
Well, that's about it for today. Spring has sprung. I got hit on by TWO, countem, TWO women in a grocery store today. Yay me and my pretty face. I suggest you all do the same, that is, hit on me the next time you see me. In a grocery store, on the street, whatever. It's all good. Bring that shit on. Them women were hot, too. So step up.
xosmlxo
Saturday, 16 April 2011
Best Day Ever? Maybe.
Hell Layzers,
Hello! We made it! I would like to thank God for this very special day. I woke up to NHL playoff hockey, and am going to bed with it. I can't stress how easy it was to sit on my ass all day, and watch 4 hockey games back-to-back. The drive and determination that I showed today is the stuff bums are made of.
Things I did not do today:
1. Brush my teeth
2. Shower
3. Get out of my pyjamas
I would like to thank the barista at starbucks for making my coffee extra swiftly this morning (is it just me, or does being a barista at starbucks seem like a pretty stressful job, especially when it's busy?). Big thanks to the local cornerstore attendant for selling me cigarettes and a bag of cookies without any side-chatter. I had my gameface on all day, and the world knew it. Lastly, I would like to thank the San Jose Sharks for laying a rotten egg of a game today, so that I could have a quick nap during the 2nd period: I don't know if you understand how tiring sitting on a couch all day eating cookies can be.
Well, lets get to it, shall we? I just had a few glasses of milk with those cookies, so I'll be on the toilet, shitting my brains out soon. Gotta type fast!
Looks like Winnipeggers will get to have their simultaneous orgasm quicker than first predicted (by me), because Detroit is looking like they're gonna kick Phoenix to the curb faster than my first marriage ended (I never told you that story? another day...). So you, Winnipeg, will have your Jets back, maybe by the end of this week! That's exciting! You get a mediocre team again! It'll be like nothing's changed since 1995. Was there a better performance today than Pavel Datysuk's? Maybe, ya. We'll get to that later...but at 11 this morning, I certainly thought there wouldn't be. YOU CAN'T TAKE THE PUCK OFF THAT LITTLE BASTARD'S STICK! He does so many little things right on the ice, that are often overshadowed by his team's superb play and his sick dangles, that sometimes they go unnoticed. He's like his Detroit defenseman legend Nick Lidstrom. They just do EVERYTHING right. Datysuk's not carrying the team on his back, because he doesn't have to. He just played a really fucking strong game today, and he woke me up early on this morning. This could end up being a sweep....but I still think Phoenix'll get one out of the series at least. I liked Doan today. And the Turris kid. Doan was an asshole, and played over-the-edge at times, but he got away with it. Phoenix's bench gets too short when they need a goal, and their "depth" is just not even close to being on the same depth level as a Detroit, a Vancouver, or a Philly.
Detroit doesn't have Zetterberg back, yet. Remember that Vancouverites.
Philly and Buffalo. At about the 2 minute mark of the 1st period, I turned to my left and said to nobody, "Holy shit! The first period hasn't ended yet!". 6 goals were scored. All 18 skaters on both teams got punched in the face at least once. Scott Hartnell acted like a retard twice. Maybe the most enjoyable period of hockey of the playoffs so far. You had to think that eventually, with that long playoff run from last year, that Philly's players were gonna wake the fuck up, and that's what they did today. Buffalo got one freebie in game 1. Now they gotta work their asses off to win 3 more. Do I think they can do it? they COULD. But they won't. Giroux's gonna score 6 more goals this series. He's dialed in. You can also officially put Mike Richards and Paul Gaustad on my list of "Dudes I Would Not Fuck With" Gaustad's just huge, and I'm pretty sure Richards would kill you for the puck. There are more dudes to be added later.
I was so intrigued by the nastiness of the 1st period of the Sabres Flyers game, that I stayed watching it in case a brawl broke out. This lead me to missing the first 3 minutes of the Montreal Boston game. Ah, no big deal: nothing happens in the first 3 minutes of a hockey game, plus, no way Boston's gonna go down 2-0 to the Habs, and I just don't like seeing them lose. Oh boy was I wrong. I flicked the game on, and it was 2-0! What was with all the collective doubts amongst hockey fans about these Habs? Myself included, I know I know, fucking haters. They have the same core group of players as last year. Their goalie is in the top 4 in the league. He's gonna start for Canada in Sochi in 2014. Is it because their only star skater is a flashy defenseman? they're small? I think it's the size thing. David .vs. Goliath. Well, folks, I have had a lesson reaffirmed in my life today. This game is not the game it was in the 90's. Big, slow, mongoloids can no longer dominate the game the way they did before (Sorry Jason Allison, if you're reading this). Size still matters, but it's not essential. Look at the Habs. Look at Ennis and Gerbe in Buffalo. Skill wins over size these days, and sticking to your TEAM gameplan wins over everything. If you wanna win the game, you stick to your gameplan, and a bunch of nobodies and a hot goalie can make a run into the playoffs when no one expects it. It didn't hurt that The Big Zidiot was puking his guts out today, either. I'd put him on my list of "Dudes I Would Not Fuck With", but I'm pretty sure I could kick him while he was down today. Same with Milan Lucic, he may as well pack his bags and head back to Eastvan for the summer. How the fuck did I talk about size not mattering, and not make a joke about my dick? Idunno, you tell me.
I think the solo-performer of the night was Drew Doughty. Isn't he fun to watch when he's on? He's one of my favourite players to watch that's for sure. Really looks like he's playing shinny when he's locked in. Just having a blast out there, dangling around, making crisp passes, pissing people off, putting pucks in the net. He has the ability to lift you out of your seats with a spinorama, or he can knock someone out with a clean hipcheck. Just an exciting guy to watch. Can you tell I'm a big Drew Doughty fan? I forgot to knock Dustin Penner after game 1, but maybe it's a good thing I didn't, because it would've been really fucking mean and heartless. I still think he's a bum, but he was kind of effective tonight. He's one of those Big Slows that just doesn't do anything for me, and he's overpaid. I just wouldn't want him on my team. He could go on my "All Pretty" team though. Handsome devil.
I think the best part of the whole last game, since the Sharks effort was so bad, it made for the least exciting game of the day, was Ray Ferraro talking about how bad San Jose was. "Whoa. Patrick Marleau has just played terrible tonight." was my favourite quote from Rayzor.
You can put Ryan Clowe on my "Dudes I Would Not Fuck With" list, too. Something about a Newfie with a temper that is just really unsettling for me. Scary.
Are the Sharks in trouble? Does anyone else hope i'm dead wrong in picking Boston and Philly to win their series? Would you like to make out with me, even though I didn't brush my teeth? Should I throw Don Cherry on my "All Pretty" team? Did anyone else deny as much social contact as I did today?
Goodnight, All. Dream that, when you forget to wear a condom, and you sprout an accident, that the kid is a boy, and he ends up being something like Pavel Datysuk, so he can haul your drunk ass out of welfare. You'll wake up feeling elated for about 5 seconds, followed by a huge kick in the stomach. that kick is called a reality check.
xosmlxo
Hello! We made it! I would like to thank God for this very special day. I woke up to NHL playoff hockey, and am going to bed with it. I can't stress how easy it was to sit on my ass all day, and watch 4 hockey games back-to-back. The drive and determination that I showed today is the stuff bums are made of.
Things I did not do today:
1. Brush my teeth
2. Shower
3. Get out of my pyjamas
I would like to thank the barista at starbucks for making my coffee extra swiftly this morning (is it just me, or does being a barista at starbucks seem like a pretty stressful job, especially when it's busy?). Big thanks to the local cornerstore attendant for selling me cigarettes and a bag of cookies without any side-chatter. I had my gameface on all day, and the world knew it. Lastly, I would like to thank the San Jose Sharks for laying a rotten egg of a game today, so that I could have a quick nap during the 2nd period: I don't know if you understand how tiring sitting on a couch all day eating cookies can be.
Well, lets get to it, shall we? I just had a few glasses of milk with those cookies, so I'll be on the toilet, shitting my brains out soon. Gotta type fast!
Looks like Winnipeggers will get to have their simultaneous orgasm quicker than first predicted (by me), because Detroit is looking like they're gonna kick Phoenix to the curb faster than my first marriage ended (I never told you that story? another day...). So you, Winnipeg, will have your Jets back, maybe by the end of this week! That's exciting! You get a mediocre team again! It'll be like nothing's changed since 1995. Was there a better performance today than Pavel Datysuk's? Maybe, ya. We'll get to that later...but at 11 this morning, I certainly thought there wouldn't be. YOU CAN'T TAKE THE PUCK OFF THAT LITTLE BASTARD'S STICK! He does so many little things right on the ice, that are often overshadowed by his team's superb play and his sick dangles, that sometimes they go unnoticed. He's like his Detroit defenseman legend Nick Lidstrom. They just do EVERYTHING right. Datysuk's not carrying the team on his back, because he doesn't have to. He just played a really fucking strong game today, and he woke me up early on this morning. This could end up being a sweep....but I still think Phoenix'll get one out of the series at least. I liked Doan today. And the Turris kid. Doan was an asshole, and played over-the-edge at times, but he got away with it. Phoenix's bench gets too short when they need a goal, and their "depth" is just not even close to being on the same depth level as a Detroit, a Vancouver, or a Philly.
Detroit doesn't have Zetterberg back, yet. Remember that Vancouverites.
Philly and Buffalo. At about the 2 minute mark of the 1st period, I turned to my left and said to nobody, "Holy shit! The first period hasn't ended yet!". 6 goals were scored. All 18 skaters on both teams got punched in the face at least once. Scott Hartnell acted like a retard twice. Maybe the most enjoyable period of hockey of the playoffs so far. You had to think that eventually, with that long playoff run from last year, that Philly's players were gonna wake the fuck up, and that's what they did today. Buffalo got one freebie in game 1. Now they gotta work their asses off to win 3 more. Do I think they can do it? they COULD. But they won't. Giroux's gonna score 6 more goals this series. He's dialed in. You can also officially put Mike Richards and Paul Gaustad on my list of "Dudes I Would Not Fuck With" Gaustad's just huge, and I'm pretty sure Richards would kill you for the puck. There are more dudes to be added later.
I was so intrigued by the nastiness of the 1st period of the Sabres Flyers game, that I stayed watching it in case a brawl broke out. This lead me to missing the first 3 minutes of the Montreal Boston game. Ah, no big deal: nothing happens in the first 3 minutes of a hockey game, plus, no way Boston's gonna go down 2-0 to the Habs, and I just don't like seeing them lose. Oh boy was I wrong. I flicked the game on, and it was 2-0! What was with all the collective doubts amongst hockey fans about these Habs? Myself included, I know I know, fucking haters. They have the same core group of players as last year. Their goalie is in the top 4 in the league. He's gonna start for Canada in Sochi in 2014. Is it because their only star skater is a flashy defenseman? they're small? I think it's the size thing. David .vs. Goliath. Well, folks, I have had a lesson reaffirmed in my life today. This game is not the game it was in the 90's. Big, slow, mongoloids can no longer dominate the game the way they did before (Sorry Jason Allison, if you're reading this). Size still matters, but it's not essential. Look at the Habs. Look at Ennis and Gerbe in Buffalo. Skill wins over size these days, and sticking to your TEAM gameplan wins over everything. If you wanna win the game, you stick to your gameplan, and a bunch of nobodies and a hot goalie can make a run into the playoffs when no one expects it. It didn't hurt that The Big Zidiot was puking his guts out today, either. I'd put him on my list of "Dudes I Would Not Fuck With", but I'm pretty sure I could kick him while he was down today. Same with Milan Lucic, he may as well pack his bags and head back to Eastvan for the summer. How the fuck did I talk about size not mattering, and not make a joke about my dick? Idunno, you tell me.
I think the solo-performer of the night was Drew Doughty. Isn't he fun to watch when he's on? He's one of my favourite players to watch that's for sure. Really looks like he's playing shinny when he's locked in. Just having a blast out there, dangling around, making crisp passes, pissing people off, putting pucks in the net. He has the ability to lift you out of your seats with a spinorama, or he can knock someone out with a clean hipcheck. Just an exciting guy to watch. Can you tell I'm a big Drew Doughty fan? I forgot to knock Dustin Penner after game 1, but maybe it's a good thing I didn't, because it would've been really fucking mean and heartless. I still think he's a bum, but he was kind of effective tonight. He's one of those Big Slows that just doesn't do anything for me, and he's overpaid. I just wouldn't want him on my team. He could go on my "All Pretty" team though. Handsome devil.
I think the best part of the whole last game, since the Sharks effort was so bad, it made for the least exciting game of the day, was Ray Ferraro talking about how bad San Jose was. "Whoa. Patrick Marleau has just played terrible tonight." was my favourite quote from Rayzor.
You can put Ryan Clowe on my "Dudes I Would Not Fuck With" list, too. Something about a Newfie with a temper that is just really unsettling for me. Scary.
Are the Sharks in trouble? Does anyone else hope i'm dead wrong in picking Boston and Philly to win their series? Would you like to make out with me, even though I didn't brush my teeth? Should I throw Don Cherry on my "All Pretty" team? Did anyone else deny as much social contact as I did today?
Goodnight, All. Dream that, when you forget to wear a condom, and you sprout an accident, that the kid is a boy, and he ends up being something like Pavel Datysuk, so he can haul your drunk ass out of welfare. You'll wake up feeling elated for about 5 seconds, followed by a huge kick in the stomach. that kick is called a reality check.
xosmlxo
Friday Night in a Hockeytown
What's up Sweet Things?
Leyzer's back. Back again. Leyzer's back. Kiss my face.
Big night tonight in the NHL playoffs, Washington grabbed the Rangers by their sacks tonight and said "oh ya? you think so buddy? You think your mediocre, probably-shouldn't-be-playing-playoff-hockey lineup can ride a hot goalie like that Halak fucker from last year?". Then they squeezed a little harder, till nausea set in. It's my version of an almost-stranglehold. (I didn't watch the game, as I was too busy scuplting my guns, and being jealous of all the roided-up pigs in my gym to catch any of it...plus, very little of my heart is in that series, aside from the fact that I know a guy from Brooks Laich's hometown of Wawota, SK - Population: Brooks Laich's parents and my buddy - and I once played catch with Eric Fehr. We scooped him up as a free agent for our Provincial-winning baseball team (what's up Mustangs, you fillin' me?), and I was completely unaware that he was blossoming into a skinny, one-way offensive force in Junior, into a pretty fucking good two-way forward for a powerhouse in the east. I'm not fucking perfect, alright? Close...but not quite).
Looked like M.A. Fleury REALLY shat the bed tonight, too. A few softies there. I'm not one to blame everything on the goalie when a team gets spanked, but he definitely left his game hiding behind his big teeth. I don't know if you noticed, but I couldn't make it around to watching that whole game either, BUT! BUT! I had Sidney mic'd up in the press box, to gimme a play-by-play so we could really break down the game. We let Cammie Granato's brother chime in every once in a while with his input, too. Sid and I were just trying to think of a gameplan to stop the balanced scoring attack that seemed to come out of nowhere. By the end of the game, the outcome looked good for them. We came to a solution. But we're keeping it a secret.
Let me just state, for the record, that I'm a big fan of The Team 1040 in Vancouver, and all of the hosts they have from the morning show to the Pratt & Taylor show are actually really good. They have fun, they don't scream into the microphone, and they're smart, passionate glorified fans. Good work.
I don't know if Anaheim really looked THAT much better tonight, sure their big guns had a lot of points, but there were a few missed calls going Anaheim's way tonight, and a 5-on-3 that early in the game is bound to suck the giveafuck out of any team, even if Shea Weber threatens to eat their hearts if they don't come back. I think that series is going a long way, still. and I still think Nashville's taking it. They're more balanced, their Defense is as strong as a Romanian deadlift specialist, and Rinne'll bounce back after tonight.
Okay okay, no one cares about those three games because they don't tickle the hairs on your neck like the CANUCKS! BIG WIN TONIGHT, BOYS!
Alex Edler jerseys are going to go WAY up in sales as of tonight. I mean, people whispered about his potential as a rookie as being the next Matthias Ohlund, but I'm thinking he's gonna be WAY more of an impact player than ol' Long John Matthias ever was. he's Nick Kronwalling everything that moves out there! and there's more to the sport than bodychecking (wouldn't that be boring? if 10 dudes just dressed up and ran at each other for 60 minutes? it'd remind me of a party in Flin Flon when everyone's too drunk to have fun anymore), and he's doing all that right, too. You just gotta love the kid. You HAVE TO. If you don't, I'm gonna tell your girlfriend you cheated on her...because you know all of you have. Don't fucking lie.
Ya, we got scored on this time. the first one that Smith kid was lucky he was in the right place at the right time, the second Lu couldn't see, and the third...well, Lu, you shouldn't give up rebounds like that....but you had 4 of your homeboys standing around the puck, so you're all to blame on that one. But, like me, you guys aren't perfect, either. and that's alright with me. You got the job done tonight, the Sedins are rollin' like I knew they would...Look out for Kesler next game, on his native soil. I bet he scores a couple. Have you ever seen a more focussed looking dude during "O Canada" than him? He looks like a kid during a spelling bee or something. Just dialed right in.
Here's a little surprise finger in the butt before bed (don't you lov--er--hate when that happens...ahhhh fuck...) Raffi Torres comes back from his suspension on Sunday. I feel, in my heart of heart of boners, that maybe he should sit more games out. I know he's a physical presence when he's out there, and he likes to smash guys bodies through the boards. Aren't we doing that already? LIKE CRAZY??? If there's one thing we're doing out there it's fucking those Blackhawks up physically. Doesn't that make a guy like Torres a bit redundant? It's so typically male for all of you to say "Fuck no Leyzer, put him in and let him add to the killing spree! You're ugly! You don't look like Elvis, you look like Hank Azaria!" Putting Torres in is akin to putting a deck screw in with a sledgehammer when you already have a perfectly good cordless drill in your toolbelt. Use the drill! I know we all wanna use the sledgehammer because breaking shit is fun, I get it. But there's a job to do out there and that's to SCORE MORE GOALS THAN CHICAGO! The bottom six is fine the way it was in game 1 and 2. Plus, and let this be an extremely valuable piece of advice for all your Leyzerlovers out there: never trust a guy with a soul patch. It's standard. One of life's concrete facts. Torres has one. You've been warned. And when he plays shitty in a game, it's REALLY noticeable. He looks lost. Hodgson's gonna get better every shift. So is Oreskovich. Who else are you gonna sit? Glass? No. Lapierre? No.
Speedy recovery to Samuelsson, I know Kesler misses ya, and so does our PP.
Swedish people: KEEP FUCKING! and keep making beautiful creatures like Alex Edler, Henrik Sedin and Daniel Sedin.
Peace. Sleep well. Tell someone you love them.
SML
Leyzer's back. Back again. Leyzer's back. Kiss my face.
Big night tonight in the NHL playoffs, Washington grabbed the Rangers by their sacks tonight and said "oh ya? you think so buddy? You think your mediocre, probably-shouldn't-be-playing-playoff-hockey lineup can ride a hot goalie like that Halak fucker from last year?". Then they squeezed a little harder, till nausea set in. It's my version of an almost-stranglehold. (I didn't watch the game, as I was too busy scuplting my guns, and being jealous of all the roided-up pigs in my gym to catch any of it...plus, very little of my heart is in that series, aside from the fact that I know a guy from Brooks Laich's hometown of Wawota, SK - Population: Brooks Laich's parents and my buddy - and I once played catch with Eric Fehr. We scooped him up as a free agent for our Provincial-winning baseball team (what's up Mustangs, you fillin' me?), and I was completely unaware that he was blossoming into a skinny, one-way offensive force in Junior, into a pretty fucking good two-way forward for a powerhouse in the east. I'm not fucking perfect, alright? Close...but not quite).
Looked like M.A. Fleury REALLY shat the bed tonight, too. A few softies there. I'm not one to blame everything on the goalie when a team gets spanked, but he definitely left his game hiding behind his big teeth. I don't know if you noticed, but I couldn't make it around to watching that whole game either, BUT! BUT! I had Sidney mic'd up in the press box, to gimme a play-by-play so we could really break down the game. We let Cammie Granato's brother chime in every once in a while with his input, too. Sid and I were just trying to think of a gameplan to stop the balanced scoring attack that seemed to come out of nowhere. By the end of the game, the outcome looked good for them. We came to a solution. But we're keeping it a secret.
Let me just state, for the record, that I'm a big fan of The Team 1040 in Vancouver, and all of the hosts they have from the morning show to the Pratt & Taylor show are actually really good. They have fun, they don't scream into the microphone, and they're smart, passionate glorified fans. Good work.
I don't know if Anaheim really looked THAT much better tonight, sure their big guns had a lot of points, but there were a few missed calls going Anaheim's way tonight, and a 5-on-3 that early in the game is bound to suck the giveafuck out of any team, even if Shea Weber threatens to eat their hearts if they don't come back. I think that series is going a long way, still. and I still think Nashville's taking it. They're more balanced, their Defense is as strong as a Romanian deadlift specialist, and Rinne'll bounce back after tonight.
Okay okay, no one cares about those three games because they don't tickle the hairs on your neck like the CANUCKS! BIG WIN TONIGHT, BOYS!
Alex Edler jerseys are going to go WAY up in sales as of tonight. I mean, people whispered about his potential as a rookie as being the next Matthias Ohlund, but I'm thinking he's gonna be WAY more of an impact player than ol' Long John Matthias ever was. he's Nick Kronwalling everything that moves out there! and there's more to the sport than bodychecking (wouldn't that be boring? if 10 dudes just dressed up and ran at each other for 60 minutes? it'd remind me of a party in Flin Flon when everyone's too drunk to have fun anymore), and he's doing all that right, too. You just gotta love the kid. You HAVE TO. If you don't, I'm gonna tell your girlfriend you cheated on her...because you know all of you have. Don't fucking lie.
Ya, we got scored on this time. the first one that Smith kid was lucky he was in the right place at the right time, the second Lu couldn't see, and the third...well, Lu, you shouldn't give up rebounds like that....but you had 4 of your homeboys standing around the puck, so you're all to blame on that one. But, like me, you guys aren't perfect, either. and that's alright with me. You got the job done tonight, the Sedins are rollin' like I knew they would...Look out for Kesler next game, on his native soil. I bet he scores a couple. Have you ever seen a more focussed looking dude during "O Canada" than him? He looks like a kid during a spelling bee or something. Just dialed right in.
Here's a little surprise finger in the butt before bed (don't you lov--er--hate when that happens...ahhhh fuck...) Raffi Torres comes back from his suspension on Sunday. I feel, in my heart of heart of boners, that maybe he should sit more games out. I know he's a physical presence when he's out there, and he likes to smash guys bodies through the boards. Aren't we doing that already? LIKE CRAZY??? If there's one thing we're doing out there it's fucking those Blackhawks up physically. Doesn't that make a guy like Torres a bit redundant? It's so typically male for all of you to say "Fuck no Leyzer, put him in and let him add to the killing spree! You're ugly! You don't look like Elvis, you look like Hank Azaria!" Putting Torres in is akin to putting a deck screw in with a sledgehammer when you already have a perfectly good cordless drill in your toolbelt. Use the drill! I know we all wanna use the sledgehammer because breaking shit is fun, I get it. But there's a job to do out there and that's to SCORE MORE GOALS THAN CHICAGO! The bottom six is fine the way it was in game 1 and 2. Plus, and let this be an extremely valuable piece of advice for all your Leyzerlovers out there: never trust a guy with a soul patch. It's standard. One of life's concrete facts. Torres has one. You've been warned. And when he plays shitty in a game, it's REALLY noticeable. He looks lost. Hodgson's gonna get better every shift. So is Oreskovich. Who else are you gonna sit? Glass? No. Lapierre? No.
Speedy recovery to Samuelsson, I know Kesler misses ya, and so does our PP.
Swedish people: KEEP FUCKING! and keep making beautiful creatures like Alex Edler, Henrik Sedin and Daniel Sedin.
Peace. Sleep well. Tell someone you love them.
SML
Thursday, 14 April 2011
The Price is Right, Bitch.
Hello Beautiful,
I really mean that. I bet anyone that reads this blog is drop-dead gorgeous. I might even describe you as a "dime".
How 'bout those Habs? I KNOW I KNOW! I picked them to lose, but hey, it's the playoffs. Anything can happen. Especially when you have a goalie that's as dialed in as Carey Price. How did this evolution happen? I wrote off Price after his first shaky start in the bleu, blanc, et rouge. Spoken like a true fan of a Canadian hockey team. "what have ya done for me lately" is what they say, and Carey - sorry - Mr. Price, you've been doing ALOT lately. Carrying the team on your back all year, staring speculation and scrutiny directly in the eye, and just doing your job. Like the professional you've turned into. Montreal still needs to be better to get past the Bruins, though. Boston stunk like any movie starring Paul Walker or Katherine Heigl tonight. YIKES! The team effort of the Habs proved effective tonight, and the neanderthals from Beantown looked like they just got back from a 5 day bender at the Dropkick Murphy's house. Don't look for history to repeat itself: They'll take some B-12 vitamins tonight, smoke a big joint, get lots of sleep, and the hangover will be cured.
I must apologize about my earlier comments about Buffalo, nah fuck it - I still think Buffalo is a piece of shit of a city. BUT I am growing fond of their hockey team! Gone are the days of Donald Audette, Pat Lafontaine and Alexei Zhitnik, but never fear Sabres fans (how many are there, actually?) - You have some jam in your step these days! No one's been hotter in the last little while than Buffalo, and I might have a new favourite NHL hockey player. Love the Gerbe kid. 2nd coming of Theo Fleury. I can't believe how tough he is on the puck. And of course, Ol' Faithful Ryan Miller is between the pipes, stopping anything that comes near him. he's really skinny apparently, and has to have his goalie pads custom-made to fit his twigs. Damn good backstop, though. Does Philly miss Pronger THAT much?
Well, as I'm typing, the west coast game is in overtime, So i'll just make a quick comment on it. That was a dirty fucking hit on the part of Jared Stoll, and I hope he pays dearly. Like "2-4 games" dearly. He won't though. Maybe 2. I felt bad for fellow Mantioban Ian White. He was seeing stars after that, and I bet he's concussed pretty badly. In case you have no history of concussions, lemme tell you how it feels. You know that game you used to play with your friends, where you take turns sticking your head in your dad's vice clamp on his workbench? Well it feels like your head is in the vice, and it's right at the point where you start to cry for your mom, only your mom can't cure your concussion. It's fucking painful and unbearable at times, and my heart goes out to people that suffer a concussion.
Y'all played that game right? RIGHT????
My OT picks - Setoguchi for San Jose, and Richardson for LA.
Lastly, a quick blurb on Canucks "swagger". I heard a reporter talking today about how he didn't like how Robert Luongo was a bit arrogant last night during his post-game interview (i guess he called a fellow reporter of his "buds" after he asked him a stupid question like "is your perfect widow's peak intentional?"). I say, "Go ahead, Lu. Treat reporters, fans, your grampa, however you want. Just keep winning." Plus, I think the best athletes in the world can afford a bit of arrogance anyways. It's just confidence overflow. Fuck it, let Lu make you feel stupid. It was a stupid question, and you're stupid for asking it, Reporterman.
They all seemed uber-relaxed in the video, but still extremely focused on the task-at-hand. Good. win the next shift. and worry about the next one when it comes. Be here now, boys.
Also - if you're still skeptical about people rockin' canucks garb , big trucks sporting huge Johnny Canuck flags, horn honking, and boob-flashing in the streets, just go to hell. You're probably a Calgary Flames fan or a Leafs fans, and that's my idea of hell so just stay where the fuck you are. I'll be the guy enjoying a positive thing. it's that simple. Something fun is happening in the city, and everyone should just enjoy it, really. Who cares if a hockey player whooped your ass in highschool. I got beat up by a hockey player, too. I beat up a hockey player before, too. I actually made one cry once, haha - pussy. But that's besides the point, shit I'm going on tangents. Just, just, if you're living in Vancouver, embrace it, have fun with it, or get the hell outta my way. and everyone else's way. Eeyore.
Going to finish OT! Keep reading and thanks for the support and the laughing you're doing both in your brain and aloud when you read this!
I really mean that. I bet anyone that reads this blog is drop-dead gorgeous. I might even describe you as a "dime".
How 'bout those Habs? I KNOW I KNOW! I picked them to lose, but hey, it's the playoffs. Anything can happen. Especially when you have a goalie that's as dialed in as Carey Price. How did this evolution happen? I wrote off Price after his first shaky start in the bleu, blanc, et rouge. Spoken like a true fan of a Canadian hockey team. "what have ya done for me lately" is what they say, and Carey - sorry - Mr. Price, you've been doing ALOT lately. Carrying the team on your back all year, staring speculation and scrutiny directly in the eye, and just doing your job. Like the professional you've turned into. Montreal still needs to be better to get past the Bruins, though. Boston stunk like any movie starring Paul Walker or Katherine Heigl tonight. YIKES! The team effort of the Habs proved effective tonight, and the neanderthals from Beantown looked like they just got back from a 5 day bender at the Dropkick Murphy's house. Don't look for history to repeat itself: They'll take some B-12 vitamins tonight, smoke a big joint, get lots of sleep, and the hangover will be cured.
I must apologize about my earlier comments about Buffalo, nah fuck it - I still think Buffalo is a piece of shit of a city. BUT I am growing fond of their hockey team! Gone are the days of Donald Audette, Pat Lafontaine and Alexei Zhitnik, but never fear Sabres fans (how many are there, actually?) - You have some jam in your step these days! No one's been hotter in the last little while than Buffalo, and I might have a new favourite NHL hockey player. Love the Gerbe kid. 2nd coming of Theo Fleury. I can't believe how tough he is on the puck. And of course, Ol' Faithful Ryan Miller is between the pipes, stopping anything that comes near him. he's really skinny apparently, and has to have his goalie pads custom-made to fit his twigs. Damn good backstop, though. Does Philly miss Pronger THAT much?
Well, as I'm typing, the west coast game is in overtime, So i'll just make a quick comment on it. That was a dirty fucking hit on the part of Jared Stoll, and I hope he pays dearly. Like "2-4 games" dearly. He won't though. Maybe 2. I felt bad for fellow Mantioban Ian White. He was seeing stars after that, and I bet he's concussed pretty badly. In case you have no history of concussions, lemme tell you how it feels. You know that game you used to play with your friends, where you take turns sticking your head in your dad's vice clamp on his workbench? Well it feels like your head is in the vice, and it's right at the point where you start to cry for your mom, only your mom can't cure your concussion. It's fucking painful and unbearable at times, and my heart goes out to people that suffer a concussion.
Y'all played that game right? RIGHT????
My OT picks - Setoguchi for San Jose, and Richardson for LA.
Lastly, a quick blurb on Canucks "swagger". I heard a reporter talking today about how he didn't like how Robert Luongo was a bit arrogant last night during his post-game interview (i guess he called a fellow reporter of his "buds" after he asked him a stupid question like "is your perfect widow's peak intentional?"). I say, "Go ahead, Lu. Treat reporters, fans, your grampa, however you want. Just keep winning." Plus, I think the best athletes in the world can afford a bit of arrogance anyways. It's just confidence overflow. Fuck it, let Lu make you feel stupid. It was a stupid question, and you're stupid for asking it, Reporterman.
They all seemed uber-relaxed in the video, but still extremely focused on the task-at-hand. Good. win the next shift. and worry about the next one when it comes. Be here now, boys.
Also - if you're still skeptical about people rockin' canucks garb , big trucks sporting huge Johnny Canuck flags, horn honking, and boob-flashing in the streets, just go to hell. You're probably a Calgary Flames fan or a Leafs fans, and that's my idea of hell so just stay where the fuck you are. I'll be the guy enjoying a positive thing. it's that simple. Something fun is happening in the city, and everyone should just enjoy it, really. Who cares if a hockey player whooped your ass in highschool. I got beat up by a hockey player, too. I beat up a hockey player before, too. I actually made one cry once, haha - pussy. But that's besides the point, shit I'm going on tangents. Just, just, if you're living in Vancouver, embrace it, have fun with it, or get the hell outta my way. and everyone else's way. Eeyore.
Going to finish OT! Keep reading and thanks for the support and the laughing you're doing both in your brain and aloud when you read this!
Wednesday, 13 April 2011
The Playoffs Begin! And my blog continues!
Hey Sexmachines,
First, quickly, Loki: People that say they don't vote because there are no good candidates, are no different than people that go on hunger strikes because they don't like several options that are put in front of them. Eat something - there's even a vegetarian option for fuck sakes (what's up Lizzie May, xoxo).I say, loudly and proudly, FUCK YOU ASSHOLES to all of them. They're just lazy. They're just assholes.
Just got back from watching the Canucks game in the West End. I was a little nervous going down there to watch the game, to be honest. I wasn't sure if I was pretentious enough to walk those streets, but it turns out, yes. It turns out that I AM in fact pretentious enough! Here I am, writing a blog. Here I am, acting so that people will see what a complex, beautiful soul I own. Here I am, not being paid to act, yet still insisting that's what I am, by trade. Of course I'm pretentious enough to walk the streets of the West End. I just need to throw 2 bedsheets up in my living room/kitchen to have 2 new roommates occupy my space, then I'd fit right in! Maybe I'll try Yaletown for game 2. Nah, don't feel like waxing my chest. OUCH!
Anyhoo, nothing overly shocking to report in the playoffs today. Weird! Usually something wild happens right off the bat. All of the teams I thought would win, did. Ohhhh big surprise, Leyzer's smart! The Rangers looked ALOT better than I expected them to be, and it turns out Marion Gaborik does in fact own a soul. Congrats, man. Too bad your team isn't skilled enough to out-gun the Caps. Ovechkin was playing hard, kicked it into 1000th gear tonight. I'd like to comment on the OT winner, but all I saw was a pass come across the top of the circle, and then some Russians were dancing around the ice. Couldn't see the shot, it was too fast. Someone tell Henrik Lundqvist that the games over, cuz I think he's still looking for where that puck went.
Shea Weber's the beauty I told you he would be, and I actually describe him as the Greek God of Fear today, which Im sure is true, regardless of his family tree. Fuck his family tree. He was conceived immaculately.
Detroit looks like the well-oiled machine I wasn't sure they'd be - sans Zetterberg. and Bryzgalov....you gotta have those ones. Come on, bro. it's the playoffs.
ahhhh now onto the game at "The Roj". THE THIRD LINE! I mean, talk about stepping up! They were all over the Blackhawks tonight. Raymond looked great out there with Hansen, and Hodgson didn't looked lost for the first time this year. He's a 3rd line centre for life, but that's okay. He did his job. The wingers were flying on that third line tonight, and you know the boys are slapping their bare asses in the showers tonight.
Lu was outstanding tonight, but is it really outstanding when he puts in efforts like that, night in and night out? I just come to expect it now. I am not one of those fans that hates on Luongo every chance they get. I expect top-notch goaltending from him, because he's a top-notch goaltender. He's got Schneider behind him, as a HUGE buffer, there's so little pressure on that guy in the locker room that he can just go out there and stop pucks. I even heard a friend say "jeeez, I just want Luongo to get the shutout tonight..." (amateur...), and I didn't give two shits. You knew he was gonna get it. and you know he's gonna be solid next game. He might let in a bad goal this playoffs, he might lay an egg completely in one game. He's got a TEAM behind him this year, and they, collectively, lift the pressure off of him. That's how things get done in life. With a little help from your friends. That's how Canucks win cups. That's how Canadians get people to vote. That's how we have threesomes. Foursomes.
Edler's a beast. Fuck it, all the boys hit hard tonight. They imposed their will against their most hated rivals. My only criticism is that the 1st line was off tonight...but, again, same thing as with Luongo: they don't have to get you 5 pts each a night. If the twins are off, if they just donated half their salary to another charity and their minds are elsewhere (likely in the same place), then someone's stepping up. It's how greatness is achieved. Keep doing what you're doing, boys. One game at a time. Friday Night should be fun.
Love the Roger Neilson statue outside "the roj", I guess I'll call it "The Rog" now..cuz we all know it's short for Roger.
I'm fucking tired cuz I've been up for hours drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes and screaming into the streets, so I'ma shut this one down early. Goodnight. Have wet dreams. Or sex before bed. Think of me.
questions:
1. anyone notice Jim Hughson call Ryan Kesler, "Kessel" tonight?
2. Don't you like it when people look happy on the streets after a Canucks win?
3. Don't you like it when people look happy on the streets?
4. Why do unfortunate things always seem to happen to people in the winter?
5. Does anyone else resent the fact they like that shitty Green Day song they play when the Canucks score?
6. Can we change that song, despite the shameful appeal it has on me?
First, quickly, Loki: People that say they don't vote because there are no good candidates, are no different than people that go on hunger strikes because they don't like several options that are put in front of them. Eat something - there's even a vegetarian option for fuck sakes (what's up Lizzie May, xoxo).I say, loudly and proudly, FUCK YOU ASSHOLES to all of them. They're just lazy. They're just assholes.
Just got back from watching the Canucks game in the West End. I was a little nervous going down there to watch the game, to be honest. I wasn't sure if I was pretentious enough to walk those streets, but it turns out, yes. It turns out that I AM in fact pretentious enough! Here I am, writing a blog. Here I am, acting so that people will see what a complex, beautiful soul I own. Here I am, not being paid to act, yet still insisting that's what I am, by trade. Of course I'm pretentious enough to walk the streets of the West End. I just need to throw 2 bedsheets up in my living room/kitchen to have 2 new roommates occupy my space, then I'd fit right in! Maybe I'll try Yaletown for game 2. Nah, don't feel like waxing my chest. OUCH!
Anyhoo, nothing overly shocking to report in the playoffs today. Weird! Usually something wild happens right off the bat. All of the teams I thought would win, did. Ohhhh big surprise, Leyzer's smart! The Rangers looked ALOT better than I expected them to be, and it turns out Marion Gaborik does in fact own a soul. Congrats, man. Too bad your team isn't skilled enough to out-gun the Caps. Ovechkin was playing hard, kicked it into 1000th gear tonight. I'd like to comment on the OT winner, but all I saw was a pass come across the top of the circle, and then some Russians were dancing around the ice. Couldn't see the shot, it was too fast. Someone tell Henrik Lundqvist that the games over, cuz I think he's still looking for where that puck went.
Shea Weber's the beauty I told you he would be, and I actually describe him as the Greek God of Fear today, which Im sure is true, regardless of his family tree. Fuck his family tree. He was conceived immaculately.
Detroit looks like the well-oiled machine I wasn't sure they'd be - sans Zetterberg. and Bryzgalov....you gotta have those ones. Come on, bro. it's the playoffs.
ahhhh now onto the game at "The Roj". THE THIRD LINE! I mean, talk about stepping up! They were all over the Blackhawks tonight. Raymond looked great out there with Hansen, and Hodgson didn't looked lost for the first time this year. He's a 3rd line centre for life, but that's okay. He did his job. The wingers were flying on that third line tonight, and you know the boys are slapping their bare asses in the showers tonight.
Lu was outstanding tonight, but is it really outstanding when he puts in efforts like that, night in and night out? I just come to expect it now. I am not one of those fans that hates on Luongo every chance they get. I expect top-notch goaltending from him, because he's a top-notch goaltender. He's got Schneider behind him, as a HUGE buffer, there's so little pressure on that guy in the locker room that he can just go out there and stop pucks. I even heard a friend say "jeeez, I just want Luongo to get the shutout tonight..." (amateur...), and I didn't give two shits. You knew he was gonna get it. and you know he's gonna be solid next game. He might let in a bad goal this playoffs, he might lay an egg completely in one game. He's got a TEAM behind him this year, and they, collectively, lift the pressure off of him. That's how things get done in life. With a little help from your friends. That's how Canucks win cups. That's how Canadians get people to vote. That's how we have threesomes. Foursomes.
Edler's a beast. Fuck it, all the boys hit hard tonight. They imposed their will against their most hated rivals. My only criticism is that the 1st line was off tonight...but, again, same thing as with Luongo: they don't have to get you 5 pts each a night. If the twins are off, if they just donated half their salary to another charity and their minds are elsewhere (likely in the same place), then someone's stepping up. It's how greatness is achieved. Keep doing what you're doing, boys. One game at a time. Friday Night should be fun.
Love the Roger Neilson statue outside "the roj", I guess I'll call it "The Rog" now..cuz we all know it's short for Roger.
I'm fucking tired cuz I've been up for hours drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes and screaming into the streets, so I'ma shut this one down early. Goodnight. Have wet dreams. Or sex before bed. Think of me.
questions:
1. anyone notice Jim Hughson call Ryan Kesler, "Kessel" tonight?
2. Don't you like it when people look happy on the streets after a Canucks win?
3. Don't you like it when people look happy on the streets?
4. Why do unfortunate things always seem to happen to people in the winter?
5. Does anyone else resent the fact they like that shitty Green Day song they play when the Canucks score?
6. Can we change that song, despite the shameful appeal it has on me?
Tuesday, 12 April 2011
New Edition: GET IT WHILE IT'S HOT!
Dear Leyzerpeople,
Thanks for reading the inaugural post! I hope you were fascinated with it. I hope you are encouraged to read more. I hope you thought about what I should do if Buffalo wins the Stanley Cup this year. I just noticed that they're one of the hottest teams in the NHL since they went under new ownership...what that has to do with how a team plays, I'm not sure. Guess I'll have to do more research. I appreciate the feedback I received from friends, enemies, and booty calls. I encourage more feedback! Even if it's "stop writing this blog". If you say that, I'll just fucking punch you.
My "Boot in the Ass for the Day" is for people who haven't/aren't planning on voting in the upcoming federal election on ***MAY 2, 2011!!!***. Throughout my travels in the streets of Vancouver, and in the streets of the world wide web, I have heard people admit that they don't vote. If you have never seen me go off on someone, and you think you'd like to, place a non-voter within my vicinity. I dare you. Do it. I'd rather you punch my mother in the face than tell me you don't vote. Seriously. My mom could probably take you. I want you, the "non voter", to REALLY think about this for a second. I know it's hard, but think what a privilege it is to vote. Do you understand?! Idiot?! No. You obviously do not.
There are people in the world that would literally DIE so that their families could vote. Could go to a location, and have their say on who is going to run their nation. There are millions of people who HAVE DIED so that their families could vote, but, alas, they died in vain, and they still don't have a say. And no one here bats an eye. We're more concerned about who's gonna be on "Dancing With The Stars" this season. You just carry on with your day-to-day, working your job, complaining about why gas is so high, abusing the privilege that you were born into. Fuckers.
I encourage you to just go down to your constituency's polling station on May 2. EVEN IF YOU KNOW NOTHING about politics, or you think "politics is gay" (whatever that means), or if the Canucks are playing. Just go, it'll take no more than an hour. Have a look around when you get there. Look at the immigrant parents who get to cast a vote, maybe for the first time. Feel how privileged they feel. They know the meaning of the word privilege. You, motherfucker, do NOT. You take advantage of your existance in a free, democrat, beautiful (yet flawed I know, I know), sexy country. You probably still beg your parents for money, even when you have some. You probably don't know what love is. You probably hate babies. You probably hate me (impossible).
Look at the 80 year old geezer waiting in line to vote. Don't forget that that old, shitty-driving, bengay-smelling, incomprehensibly-speaking old geezer probably saw a bunch of his buddies (my age and younger) get their fucking bodies blown up, and their organs pasted all over said geezer's military uniform, so that his family could have a say in what goes on in his country. That old dude votes everytime he gets the chance, and he'll continue to until he's dead. I suggest you do the same. Vote til you're dead. If you don't care, just check it out: you might start to.
That's a swift kick in the sphincter, courtesy of Leyzer. buhlee dat.
I blabbed about hockey all day yesterday, and there's a bunch of boring, ex NHLers on TV right now, screaming their lungs out about who's gonna win what series, and why. Ever notice most of them sound like they're yelling all the time? Like they're gonna pop a vein in their forehead or something while talking about who's starting for the Capitals in game 1? I personally find it really fucking annoying. I just wanna tell them to relax a bit. It's just a game, right? fun to watch, fun to talk about, but not worth suffering a brain aneurysm. Craig "Mac-T" Mactavish sounds like he's stoned. Old, fat, men that have committed vehicular homicide shouldn't be on TV, talking about hockey. Young, handsome, arrogant, charismatic people should be on TV, keeping the game fresh. People like me. I'll do it shirtless too. Cuz I have a sixpack again ;)
TOO MUCH GOING ON ON SPORTSNET! I feel like I'm gonna have a fucking seizure. It's just bad TV. Can't stand it. a million different "tickers" and "stat bars". What am I, a fucking bug?!
I'm gonna keep it really short. Edmonton got the 1st overall draft pick AGAIN this year. Don't pick the Nugent-Hopkins kid. He's got a hyphenated name, so you know he's had a difficult home life growing up, and he probably hyphenated his name in an attempt to please both parents. He's clearly damaged emotionally, and he hasn't even begun his life yet! just a kid. A kid who I'm making fun of. I also wouldn't take him first overall, because that name just doesn't roll off the tongue. Oh, and he looks like a dweeb.
Tomorrow's the big day: PLAYOFFS BEGIN! WOOOOO! Make sure you get a tonne of rest tonight, boys. Carb up. Unless you're a fat mess. Then don't eat. just hydrate. and not with gatorade, if you're a fat mess. You'll never burn that shit off. It'll go straight to your tits, and you're not supposed to have tits. Wear your birdcage to bed, if you want. Listen to pump up tunes all day tomorrow. My pick: "Cinderella Man" - Eminem. Slap high-fives and hug as many people as you want, because that's okay, and because it's the fucking playoffs and we should all be huggably excited. Rest easy, my friends/loyal followers.
Things I wonder:
1. Why do buskers suck so badly on Commercial Drive?
2. Do I get more or less erections, on average, than most men?
3. Why do I feel really ambitious this year?
4. What game will Sidney Crosby come back? (he'll be back this series.)
5. Do people enjoy reading this?
6. Will people enjoy the mullet I have?
7. Why are boobs good?
8. Will there be any major upsets in the playoffs this year?
9. Did Jay Onrait read my blog?
xosmlxo
Thanks for reading the inaugural post! I hope you were fascinated with it. I hope you are encouraged to read more. I hope you thought about what I should do if Buffalo wins the Stanley Cup this year. I just noticed that they're one of the hottest teams in the NHL since they went under new ownership...what that has to do with how a team plays, I'm not sure. Guess I'll have to do more research. I appreciate the feedback I received from friends, enemies, and booty calls. I encourage more feedback! Even if it's "stop writing this blog". If you say that, I'll just fucking punch you.
My "Boot in the Ass for the Day" is for people who haven't/aren't planning on voting in the upcoming federal election on ***MAY 2, 2011!!!***. Throughout my travels in the streets of Vancouver, and in the streets of the world wide web, I have heard people admit that they don't vote. If you have never seen me go off on someone, and you think you'd like to, place a non-voter within my vicinity. I dare you. Do it. I'd rather you punch my mother in the face than tell me you don't vote. Seriously. My mom could probably take you. I want you, the "non voter", to REALLY think about this for a second. I know it's hard, but think what a privilege it is to vote. Do you understand?! Idiot?! No. You obviously do not.
There are people in the world that would literally DIE so that their families could vote. Could go to a location, and have their say on who is going to run their nation. There are millions of people who HAVE DIED so that their families could vote, but, alas, they died in vain, and they still don't have a say. And no one here bats an eye. We're more concerned about who's gonna be on "Dancing With The Stars" this season. You just carry on with your day-to-day, working your job, complaining about why gas is so high, abusing the privilege that you were born into. Fuckers.
I encourage you to just go down to your constituency's polling station on May 2. EVEN IF YOU KNOW NOTHING about politics, or you think "politics is gay" (whatever that means), or if the Canucks are playing. Just go, it'll take no more than an hour. Have a look around when you get there. Look at the immigrant parents who get to cast a vote, maybe for the first time. Feel how privileged they feel. They know the meaning of the word privilege. You, motherfucker, do NOT. You take advantage of your existance in a free, democrat, beautiful (yet flawed I know, I know), sexy country. You probably still beg your parents for money, even when you have some. You probably don't know what love is. You probably hate babies. You probably hate me (impossible).
Look at the 80 year old geezer waiting in line to vote. Don't forget that that old, shitty-driving, bengay-smelling, incomprehensibly-speaking old geezer probably saw a bunch of his buddies (my age and younger) get their fucking bodies blown up, and their organs pasted all over said geezer's military uniform, so that his family could have a say in what goes on in his country. That old dude votes everytime he gets the chance, and he'll continue to until he's dead. I suggest you do the same. Vote til you're dead. If you don't care, just check it out: you might start to.
That's a swift kick in the sphincter, courtesy of Leyzer. buhlee dat.
I blabbed about hockey all day yesterday, and there's a bunch of boring, ex NHLers on TV right now, screaming their lungs out about who's gonna win what series, and why. Ever notice most of them sound like they're yelling all the time? Like they're gonna pop a vein in their forehead or something while talking about who's starting for the Capitals in game 1? I personally find it really fucking annoying. I just wanna tell them to relax a bit. It's just a game, right? fun to watch, fun to talk about, but not worth suffering a brain aneurysm. Craig "Mac-T" Mactavish sounds like he's stoned. Old, fat, men that have committed vehicular homicide shouldn't be on TV, talking about hockey. Young, handsome, arrogant, charismatic people should be on TV, keeping the game fresh. People like me. I'll do it shirtless too. Cuz I have a sixpack again ;)
TOO MUCH GOING ON ON SPORTSNET! I feel like I'm gonna have a fucking seizure. It's just bad TV. Can't stand it. a million different "tickers" and "stat bars". What am I, a fucking bug?!
I'm gonna keep it really short. Edmonton got the 1st overall draft pick AGAIN this year. Don't pick the Nugent-Hopkins kid. He's got a hyphenated name, so you know he's had a difficult home life growing up, and he probably hyphenated his name in an attempt to please both parents. He's clearly damaged emotionally, and he hasn't even begun his life yet! just a kid. A kid who I'm making fun of. I also wouldn't take him first overall, because that name just doesn't roll off the tongue. Oh, and he looks like a dweeb.
Tomorrow's the big day: PLAYOFFS BEGIN! WOOOOO! Make sure you get a tonne of rest tonight, boys. Carb up. Unless you're a fat mess. Then don't eat. just hydrate. and not with gatorade, if you're a fat mess. You'll never burn that shit off. It'll go straight to your tits, and you're not supposed to have tits. Wear your birdcage to bed, if you want. Listen to pump up tunes all day tomorrow. My pick: "Cinderella Man" - Eminem. Slap high-fives and hug as many people as you want, because that's okay, and because it's the fucking playoffs and we should all be huggably excited. Rest easy, my friends/loyal followers.
Things I wonder:
1. Why do buskers suck so badly on Commercial Drive?
2. Do I get more or less erections, on average, than most men?
3. Why do I feel really ambitious this year?
4. What game will Sidney Crosby come back? (he'll be back this series.)
5. Do people enjoy reading this?
6. Will people enjoy the mullet I have?
7. Why are boobs good?
8. Will there be any major upsets in the playoffs this year?
9. Did Jay Onrait read my blog?
xosmlxo
Monday, 11 April 2011
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