New Edition: GET IT WHILE IT'S HOT!

Dear Leyzerpeople,

Thanks for reading the inaugural post! I hope you were fascinated with it. I hope you are encouraged to read more. I hope you thought about what I should do if Buffalo wins the Stanley Cup this year. I just noticed that they're one of the hottest teams in the NHL since they went under new ownership...what that has to do with how a team plays, I'm not sure. Guess I'll have to do more research. I appreciate the feedback I received from friends, enemies, and booty calls. I encourage more feedback! Even if it's "stop writing this blog". If you say that, I'll just fucking punch you.
My "Boot in the Ass for the Day" is for people who haven't/aren't planning on voting in the upcoming federal election on ***MAY 2, 2011!!!***. Throughout my travels in the streets of Vancouver, and in the streets of the world wide web, I have heard people admit that they don't vote. If you have never seen me go off on someone, and you think you'd like to, place a non-voter within my vicinity. I dare you. Do it. I'd rather you punch my mother in the face than tell me you don't vote. Seriously. My mom could probably take you. I want you, the "non voter", to REALLY think about this for a second. I know it's hard, but think what a privilege it is to vote. Do you understand?! Idiot?! No. You obviously do not.
There are people in the world that would literally DIE so that their families could vote. Could go to a location, and have their say on who is going to run their nation. There are millions of people who HAVE DIED so that their families could vote, but, alas, they died in vain, and they still don't have a say. And no one here bats an eye. We're more concerned about who's gonna be on "Dancing With The Stars" this season. You just carry on with your day-to-day, working your job, complaining about why gas is so high, abusing the privilege that you were born into. Fuckers.
I encourage you to just go down to your constituency's polling station on May 2. EVEN IF YOU KNOW NOTHING about politics, or you think "politics is gay" (whatever that means), or if the Canucks are playing. Just go, it'll take no more than an hour. Have a look around when you get there. Look at the immigrant parents who get to cast a vote, maybe for the first time. Feel how privileged they feel. They know the meaning of the word privilege. You, motherfucker, do NOT. You take advantage of your existance in a free, democrat, beautiful (yet flawed I know, I know), sexy country. You probably still beg your parents for money, even when you have some. You probably don't know what love is. You probably hate babies. You probably hate me (impossible).
Look at the 80 year old geezer waiting in line to vote. Don't forget that that old, shitty-driving, bengay-smelling, incomprehensibly-speaking old geezer probably saw a bunch of his buddies (my age and younger) get their fucking bodies blown up, and their organs pasted all over said geezer's military uniform, so that his family could have a say in what goes on in his country. That old dude votes everytime he gets the chance, and he'll continue to until he's dead. I suggest you do the same. Vote til you're dead. If you don't care, just check it out: you might start to.
That's a swift kick in the sphincter, courtesy of Leyzer. buhlee dat.

I blabbed about hockey all day yesterday, and there's a bunch of boring, ex NHLers on TV right now, screaming their lungs out about who's gonna win what series, and why. Ever notice most of them sound like they're yelling all the time? Like they're gonna pop a vein in their forehead or something while talking about who's starting for the Capitals in game 1? I personally find it really fucking annoying. I just wanna tell them to relax a bit. It's just a game, right? fun to watch, fun to talk about, but not worth suffering a brain aneurysm. Craig "Mac-T" Mactavish sounds like he's stoned. Old, fat, men that have committed vehicular homicide shouldn't be on TV, talking about hockey. Young, handsome, arrogant, charismatic people should be on TV, keeping the game fresh. People like me. I'll do it shirtless too. Cuz I have a sixpack again ;)
TOO MUCH GOING ON ON SPORTSNET! I feel like I'm gonna have a fucking seizure. It's just bad TV. Can't stand it. a million different "tickers" and "stat bars". What am I, a fucking bug?!
I'm gonna keep it really short. Edmonton got the 1st overall draft pick AGAIN this year. Don't pick the Nugent-Hopkins kid. He's got a hyphenated name, so you know he's had a difficult home life growing up, and he probably hyphenated his name in an attempt to please both parents. He's clearly damaged emotionally, and he hasn't even begun his life yet! just a kid. A kid who I'm making fun of. I also wouldn't take him first overall, because that name just doesn't roll off the tongue. Oh, and he looks like a dweeb.
Tomorrow's the big day: PLAYOFFS BEGIN! WOOOOO! Make sure you get a tonne of rest tonight, boys. Carb up. Unless you're a fat mess. Then don't eat. just hydrate. and not with gatorade, if you're a fat mess. You'll never burn that shit off. It'll go straight to your tits, and you're not supposed to have tits. Wear your birdcage to bed, if you want. Listen to pump up tunes all day tomorrow. My pick: "Cinderella Man" - Eminem. Slap high-fives and hug as many people as you want, because that's okay, and because it's the fucking playoffs and we should all be huggably excited. Rest easy, my friends/loyal followers.

Things I wonder:
1. Why do buskers suck so badly on Commercial Drive?
2. Do I get more or less erections, on average, than most men?
3. Why do I feel really ambitious this year?
4. What game will Sidney Crosby come back? (he'll be back this series.)
5. Do people enjoy reading this?
6. Will people enjoy the mullet I have?
7. Why are boobs good?
8. Will there be any major upsets in the playoffs this year?
9. Did Jay Onrait read my blog?

xosmlxo