someone find him, please...

Okay, Leyzertons and Leyzerites,

You look for Waldo, while I fly down to San Jose and find Ben Ferriero so that he can put a puck past a goalie in overtime for us. Who the fuck is that guy, anyways? I heard Chris Cuthbert's jagged bottom row of teeth say his name last night maybe twice, and all of a sudden he's a hero. ON HIS BIRTHDAY?! wow, good night for him. I'm a bit surprised that the coach put him on in overtime...musta hadda hunch.
The good news for the Flyers is that none of the goals scored today were really Boucher's fault before he got yanked (again), so at least maybe he'll play good in game 2. They just flat out stunk today. It was sickening, mostly because I just hate seeing Boston do anything good on a day-to-day basis. Bastards. Also good news for Flyers fans: it was only game 1, and we all remember what happened last year. The Canucks almost pulled a "boston" this year. So go ahead, Philly. Lose the next 2. Rest up, and just put Roman Checkmanek in the pipes. Give Reg Leach a bottle of rye and put him out as your starting centre. Let Bob Clarke play with 8 fingers. You'll be fine. Just start the regular lineup in game 4, make sure Claude Giroux scores a timely goal, and let history repeat itself. It's just that easy for y'all.
If I could find a similarity in the game between the Canucks and Predators (boooooo fuck you Nashville), and in the game between the Capitals and Lightning it was this: that one team had the upperhand for most of the game, until a shitty flukey goal turned the tides and swung in favour of a lesser team. I don't think Washington will have that difficult of a time stepping up in game 2 and taking it. And I kind of hope that they do win badly, so that I can hear more audio of Lightning head coach Guy Boucher. Dude is HILARIOUS! And smart, too. Deliberately saying that his team is underdogs, which a smirk hidden behind a dead serious face and a dead serious scar on his cheek (how can I get me one of those?). It's probably pissing Bruce Budreau right off, not that that's a monumental feat or anything.
Okay, the quick blurbs on the other series are over, now time to talk Canucks. Yay! Another relatively boring game! woooo! at least we had overtime to liven us up tonight, eh? Even if the play is overtime is congested and boring, the fact that it's overtime makes our boners perk up a bit, doesn't it people? So, the critics were right, and Nashville did play better today (obviously, they won...), but I didn't think they played WAY better. I thought it was more a case of the Canucks not being able to bury their numerous chances, personally. ya, Pekkerhead Rinne made some beautiful saves, and some solid positional ones too, but really. I think you're all thinking what I'm thinking.
WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU DANIELS AND HENRIK SEDIN! I'm officially tired of this, or, as Youtube Sensation "Tourette's Guy" puts it, "I'M SICK N TIRED OF THIS CHICKEN SHIT BULLSHIT!" Seriously, when's it gonna end?!? I realize that they are most effective in the cycle game, and they're masters of getting good body position along the boards, and masters of threading the needle for jaw dropping passes. And they've been doing that here and there in the playoffs. But, again, stats don't lie. Henrik lead the league in points last year, and his brother did this year, therefore, by using simple logic, they should lead the playoffs in scoring. right? That's what's expected of them, in my eyes. I expect them to get a few points a night, because that's what happens almost everytime they play. Hasn't happened in the playoffs. I've heard all the excuses, that they're hurt, that they're weak on the puck (true), that they lack tenacity (true), that they aren't good defensively (true), but not I'm just tired of hearing the damn excuses. Time to sack up, Twins. You don't wanna fucking lose to Nashville, do you?
Sad thing is, it's very much a possibility now. By not capitalizing on their chances (GO TOP CHEDS WHEN THE GOALIE IS HAVING A SEIZURE ON HIS BACK!!!), they've let a less talented team back in the series. Let them back in so they can sneak 3 more goals behind our excellent goalie (ya, that was his fault on the first one, but physical mistakes happen sometimes) and they could squeak out 3 more wins. Just get that first one Joel Ward, Matt Halischuk, Steve Sullivan or any other no-name foot soldier, that you could very well punch your ticket to the conference final, and we in Vancouver can...idunno, don't even want to think about it.
Fuck it, while I'm at it, enough of praising Ryan Kesler for how hard he checks. I heard Ray Ferraro say on the radio during the Chicago series, while speaking about Johnathan Toews defensive prowess, something along the lines of "ya, that's all well and good, but you pay guys $500 000 to do that." Well, Rayzor's a smart cat, and that applies to Kesler too. Still no goals, buddy. Ya you forecheck hard, and backcheck harder, but now your team is 1-1 in a series against a shittier team and you still haven't scored. You've gotten robbed a few times already this series. You're taking shots from the top of the circle that go right into Pekka Rinne's chest. Fact is, YOU ARE NOT PRODUCING.
Kesler scored 41 goals in the regular season. 0 in the playoffs. Slumps happen, but this is fucking ridiculous. I'm glad you're hungry and wanna win and apparently should be named to my "All Beautiful" Team according to most broads, but you're gonna be awfully hungry in the summer golfing and thinking about next year if you don't start BURYING THE COPIOUS CHANCES YOU GET A GAME! fuck! come on, let's go here!
That's enough of this. Lapierre, Bieksa, and Luongo were my three canucks stars tonight. Maybe Raymond, too, but he, like Kesler can skate like the wind. It's expected, now go out and fucking score.

xosmlxo