round. 2.......FIGHT!

Coughup Hairballs,

What beauties you are. The above picture has multiple meanings...fuck, sometimes it scares me how deep I am. Always with the mystery, Leyzer. No one can ever pin me down. Just when you think i've curled up into a little ball of wimp and introversion, I decide to write this world-changing blog, and fuck up everyone's shit. Give them something to enjoy, critque, masturbate to, be embarrassed about, tell their friends about and enjoy! Did I say that already? Yup. Repetition is okay sometimes. practise makes perfect. Remember that if you wanna fucking do something with your life.
What was I talking about? oh ya. Myself. Just when you think I'm gonna - well, you get the point. I pride myself on my unpredictability. A riddle wrapped in a sweaty Canucks T-shirt, I am. A puzzle between 2 thick eyebrows that were once one. I could go on and on and on, and really, I'd like to sit here and write about myself, my inner most feelings and desires (you know who you are ;)), but alas...
The 1st round of the playoffs is officially OVER! and not without it's drama! Shit was fucktup, right? All the crazy calls and non-calls, teams blowing massive leads, goalies playing absolutely awful, teams playing absolutely awful (will we ever forget games 4 and 5, Vancouver...I fucking hope we don't.), likely heroes, unlikely heroes. It's always a shitshow in the 1st round. And that's what I fucking love about it.   Any huge surprises in the matchups? Not really, no. In the East, seeds 1,2,3 and 5 advance. In the west...same fucking thing. And really, those 4 vs 5 matchups are almost always a toss up. So no Cinderella coming in the backdoor this year. a powerhouse is gonna win the stanley cup. an organization that has everything going as planned at the moment. I don't even want to begin to predict who's gonna take this muth...
But I'll give it a go. I'm a gamer, ladies and fuckfaces. I'd throw anyone under the bus to be great. My best friend. Pfffft, I have no best friends when it comes to playoffs. My TV is all that matters. And Ray Ferraro. I will push myself a million miles beyond the limit to give a prediction that is wise. If I don't, then who am I? Just a handsome devil wasting a bunch of fingerstrength on his keyboard when I could be opening pickle jars for old ladies.
Here.
We.
GOOOOO!
DETROIT vs  SAN JOSE
I have a really strong feeling for this one. I gotta take the Wings. Marshall Mathers is from Detroit (as mentioned in prior blogs, I believe) and he pumps me the fuck up and makes my inner fuck up wanna take back what I fucked up. Kid Rock is from Detroit, and he reminds me "White is not Right" as previously thought by our ancestors. Although....He did make me laugh a lot in "Joe Dirt"...but, he made everyone in the WHOLE WORLD laugh in that movie! Cuz it's a fucking masterpiece! More important than these 2 pieces of trash though...Ryan Kesler is from a suburb of Detroit, and he just might be my favourite player of all time when this things all said and done.
Plus, when actually looking at the series, Detroit was so solid against Phoenix (I know I know...it's Phoenix), Pavel Datsyuk won one game by himself. and he didn't have to win the other three in pretty convincing fashion, because he had...let's go down the list here: Lidstrom, Holmstrom, Fransen (whoooo's Franzen?), Cleary, HELM, Abdelkader, Kronwall, Rafalski, and good ol' Kris Draper for a few shifts carrying the weight. Who he didn't have? Henrik Zetterberg. He's Datsyuk with a perma-beauty beard. Who he WILL have in this round? Henrik Zetterberg.
The Sharks have been a mess so far. Sure, they beat a young, tough, fiesty team in LA, but with such inconsistency!!! Yikes. You never know what team's gonna show up. They are deep upfront, but their lack of D would have me shitting in my bedsheets at night if I was Todd McClellan or Neil Young. Neil Young probably does shit his bedsheets regularly. Their best defenseman, Olympic gold medallist Dan Boyle has been a huge smelly piece of turd this playoffs. What is wrong with him? he's won everything already, shouldn't it be as easy as just going out there and executing? I thought hockey players weren't human beings!!!!
It could be a long series, but I'm gonna bet against that. Wings in 5ive.
everay budday get up, sing atttt 1 2 3 4! 5ive'll make ya get down, yaaaaa get on down. uh.
VANCOUVER vs. NASHVILLE
I'm still abuzz from last night. But I'm also objective. I'm reasonable. Unpredictable and reasonable. That's me. I did a blurb on this match up last night. We're even steven in net. 2 Vezina candidates, both have been great in the playoffs and both have probably thought about being a librarian in Elbow, Saskatchewan, where people would still probably recognize them and subsequently ridicule them. Probably start their combine on fire.
Both teams are VERY solid on Defense. I'm glad Sami Salo got injured in that last series, because Ballard was actually really good last night, and now I don't have to wonder everytime Salo hits the ice when he's going to spontaneously combust. It's just one less thing to worry about. Welcome back to Vancouver, Shane O'Brien. You're gonna have fun here. I still like you. You're charismatic. and a damn good depth defenseman in my opinion. Feel free to spend alot of your time here not in The Roxy, but beside the Green Men. I'm sure you will.
So, upfront we SHOULD dominate these fucking nobodies. If, If, If. If Hank and Dank get going....ohhhh boy, look the fuck out world. I think they're being too cute at the moment, looking for the perfect opportunity. Just not grimey enough. If Kesler plays like his life depends on it like last game, and his linemates play their best hockey as Canucks too. fuck, I could go on forever, but can we not all agree that everyone but Henrik and Daniel played their best games as Canucks at forward last night?
We should have the edge there, we should win this series. I'm not picking a sweep this time though. NUX IN SIX!!

TAMPA BAY vs. WASHINGTON
Washington powered through their first round. Tampa came roaring back to win theirs. Idunno?!!? My gut is telling me that Washington's gonna win. They both have the big offensive guns up front, great depth (Tampa really showed theirs this round. I was unaware of it until now), and both teams are getting stellar goaltending. It's a tossup, really. Let's give it to Ovie and the boys, see if they can make a run 1 year too late. The longer I can watch Ovechkin play, the better.
Caps in 7
BOSTON  vs PHILADELPHIA
First off, Fuck you Boston for taking out the Habs. I hated you before that, I've hated you since I was a wee lad, and I still hate you. I laughed when you lost to the Flyers last year, and I HOPE you go up 3-0 again this year, and the Flyers come back and spank you. The only thing is, I don't think it's going that far this year. I just like Philly in this one. They have that resilience to them. Like they're never out of any game. Pronger's getting healthier every game.
But what if Philly's revolving door falls apart? I think that's the only question. You know Timmy Thomas will be game.
Philly in 5 IF their goaltending doesn't fuck it up for them.

There we have it, All. My picks for this round.

Quick note about last night: I deeply regret not going downtown after the game last night. I hear it was magic. Win this round, Canucks, so I can enjoy it. I might even make a public appearance downtown to watch a series clincher if there is one. I hope there is. I BELIEVE!!!! AND YOU SHOULD TOO! GET ON THE BANDWAGON OR GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE!!!!!! WOOOOOO!


this is gonna be fun.

xosmlxo